CeWEBrity Profile - Ostomy Bag Girl - Uncensored

  • Season 5, Ep 529
  • 12/03/2013
  • Views: 133,374
0 comments

Daniel finds out some s**t about a woman who defecates out of an exposed portion of her small intestine. (8:59)

>> HI, GUYS.

TODAY I'M GOING TO BE SHOWING

YOU HOW TO CHANGE YOUR BAG.

ALL RIGHT.

IT'S DOING BETTER SO TAKE THE

BAG, FOLD IT OVER, THROW IT

AWAY.

AND WRAP IT AROUND SO THE CLEAN

SKIN DOESN'T GET STOOL ON IT.

I CALL IT MY VOLCANOE.

IT'S ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO STAY

CALM.

MY VOLCANOE WAS A LITTLE

DEFECTIVE NOW.

NOW YOU TAKE YOUR VOLCANOE UP

AND IT DOESN'T LEAK.

>> Tosh: FINALLY A CHICK THAT

ADMITS SHE POOPS.

I HOPE SHE DOUBLE-BAGGED THE

MORNING AFTER THANKSGIVING.

THAT CUTIE PATOOTIE WITHOUT A

COLON IN HER BOOTIE IS LAURA AND

HAS VIDEOS TO SHOW PEOPLE WHAT

IT'S LIKE LIVING WITH AN OSTEMY

BAG.

IF IT'S AN ART I'M JACKSON

POLLACK.

I AM IN CONSTANT DANGER OF

MAKING A MEXICAN MILK SHAKE IN

MY PANTS SO HAVING A BAG WOULD

BE GREAT.

I'D RATHER BM IN A BAG THAN A

GAS STATION BATHROOM BECAUSE

THEY'RE FOR PEEING AND MAN ON

MAN BLOW JOBS.

THEY COME IN SHAPES AND SIZES

LIKE THE KARDASHIANS.

GIVING BIRTH TO A BROWN BUTT

BABY IS AS CLOSE AS A MAN GETS

TO EXPERIENCING THE MIRACLE OF

LIFE.

DON'T YOU HATE WHEN YOU SLIPPED

DOWN THE TOILET HOLE BEFORE YOU

CAN ADMIRE IT.

WIPING IS THE ONLY DOWNSIDE.

YOU WANT SOMETHINGEN FROM SCOTTS

AND CHARMIN.

WHAT KIND OF MAD SCIENTIST BUILD

AS A CHOCOLATE FACTORY IN THE

DEEPEST CREVASSE?

INTELLIGENT DESIGN MY BUTT.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS.

SO I FLEW HER TO HOLLYWOOD AND

PICKED HER SQUEAKY CLEAN BUTT UP

FOR THE CE-WEB-RITY PROFILE.

[ DOOR BELL ]

>> VERY MATURE.

TECHNICALLY THAT'S A HATE CRIME

FOR SOMEONE WITH MY CONDITION.

>> Tosh: LAURA, SORRY I'M LATE.

IS THAT YOUR BAG OF [BLEEP].

THESE PLACE SMELLS AMAZING.

>> THANK YOU.

>> I'M GUESSING IT'S THE

CLEANEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE?

TELL ME WHAT IT IS?

>> IT'S WHERE THEY TAKE A PART

OF YOUR SMALL INTESTINE THE

ILEUM AND POKE IT OUTSIDE OF

YOUR BODY AND YOU POOP OUT OF

THAT.

>> Tosh: WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?

>> DECEMBER OF 2011.

>> Tosh: WHY?

>> I HAVE AN AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE

AND MY OWN SYSTEM ATTACK HIS

COLON.

>> Tosh: HOW DID YOU KNOW WHEN

THINGS WERE WRONG?

>> I WAS POOPING ABOUT 27 TIMES

A DAY AND LOSE A LOT OF WEIGHT,

BLEED, GIRL STUFF.

>> Tosh: MY MOM USED TO SAY IF

YOUR POOP HAS BLACK OR BLOOD

DON'T FLUSH IT LET ME LOOK.

MY MOM'S A NURSE.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT

FIRST NOT SHA THA SHE HAS A

FETISH.

WHY MAKE VIDEOS?

>> THREES A STIGMA SO I WANTED

TO SHOW PEOPLE YOU CAN BE YOUNG

AND HAVE IT AND LIVE A NORMAL

LIFE AND BE A SEMINORMAL PERSON.

>> Tosh: HOW MUCH OF YOUR DAY IS

DEVOTED TO MAINTENANCE?

>> I CAN'T CONTROL WHEN I'M

POOPING SO I COULD BE POOPING

RIGHT NOW I DON'T KNOW.

>> YOU DON'T FEEL IT WHEN IT

COMES OUT?

>> NO.

I HAVE NO FEELING WHEN IT COMES

OUT.

ONLY TIME I KNOW IS IF IT MAKES

A SOUND?

>> Tosh: LIKE A SPLASH?

>> LIKE A REGULAR PERSON FARTS,

WE STILL FART.

>> Tosh: ARE YOU USED A URINE

NAL?

>> NO.

>> Tosh: DO YOU GET SKID MARKS

ON YOUR BLOUSE?

>> YES.

>> Tosh: WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO

HUG YOU WHEN THEY KNOW DO THEY

DO THE BUTT OUT.

>> I DID UNTIL I SAT THEM DOWN

AND WAS LIKE I'M NOT FRAGILE YOU

CAN PICK ME UP AND THROW ME

AROUND AND I'LL BE FINE.

>> Tosh: SO THEY PRESS UP

AGAINST YOU NOW.

>> IT'S TOTALLY FINE.

>> Tosh: ONE OF YOUR VIDEOS YOU

WERE CLEANING THE AREA AND SAID

YOU DEVELOPED A YEAST

ININFECTION AROUND IT.

IS THAT COMMON?

>> VERY COMMON.

>> Tosh: HAVE YOU EVER HAD TWO

YEAST INFECTIONS AT THE SAME

TIME?

>> I HAVE NOT.

>> Tosh: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU

GO THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY?

>> ONLY STOPPED ONCE AND I GET

NERVOUS.

>> Tosh: THAT'S A SIGN OF A

TERRORIST.

>> THEN THEY'RE LIKE WHAT IS

THAT.

>> Tosh: DO THEY EVER MAKE YOU

EMPTY IT BECAUSE YOU CAN ONLY

HAVE THREE OUNCES.

>> NO.

>> Tosh: ANY MORE PHYSICAL

ACTIVITIES YOU CAN'T DO?

>> I CAN'T DO ABS.

>> Tosh: I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE JUST

BEING LAZY AT THIS POINT.

>> NOT LAZY.

>> Tosh: CARDIO?

>> LIKE A FIVE-MAIL RACE WITH

OBSTACLES.

>> Tosh: YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE

PEOPLE.

YOU LIKE GETTING MUDDY.

>> LOVE GETTING MUDDY.

YOU FINISHED THE RACE AND YOU'RE

COVERED AND THEY'RE LIKE THERE

WASN'T MUD ON THE TRACK.

DOES YOUR STOMA HAVE A NAME?

>> MINE IS TRIXIE?

>> Tosh: YOU WANT TO BE A

STRIPPER.

IF YOU COULD PICK ANOTHER HOLE

LIKE MY NOSE.

>> Tosh: I WOULD TAKE MY

URETHRA.

THE SENSORS CAN'T TELL ME I

CAN'T DO IT.

CAN I TOUCH IT NOW?

>> YES.

>> I CAN'T FEEL IT.

>> Tosh: CLOSE YOUR EYES.

>> I CAN'T FEEL.

>> Tosh: IT'S LIKE JELLY.

I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT'S

GOING ON ON THE OUTSIDE BUT TO

UNDERSTAND THE INSIDE I HAVE TO

GET IN THERE.

I'M GOING TO GET IN THE MAGIC

SCHOOL BUS AND DRIVE DOWN YOUR

PIE HOLE.

WISH ME LUCK.

>> GOOD LUCK.

>> Tosh: OKAY.

SEAT BELTS ANYONE.

>> PLEASE LET IT BE A NORMAL

FIELD TRIP.

>> Tosh: WE'VE NEVER BEEN ON A

NORMAL FIELD TRIP NOW STOP YOUR

[BLEEP]ING WHINING.

HERE WE GO DOWN THE THROAT.

SALIVA CONTAINS AN ENZYME.

IT SPENDS FOUR HOURS IN THE

SMALL INTESTINES AND A LIFETIME

ON THE HIPS, AM I RIGHT, LADIES?

IT HOLDS TWO THREE LITERS OF

POOP.

THE AVERAGE POOP OF AN ADULT

MALE IS 1.3 POUNDS.

YEAH, CHECK YOUR DAD.

>> GROSS.

>> Tosh: IN THE PREHISTORIC ERA

MAN HAS SMALL AND LARGE AND

GIGANTIC INTESTINES.

>> THAT TICKLES, DANIEL.

>> Tosh: ANYBODY WANT SOME CORN?

>> OOH.

>> Tosh: SCHOOL BUSS ARE YELLOW

BECAUSE THAT'S THE EASIEST COLOR

TO SEE IN THE MORNING AND EARLY

EVENING.

BY THE TIME YOUR BODY WILL

PRODUCE ENOUGH POOP TO FILL

BRYANT DENNY STADIUM WHICH WOULD

BE AN IMPROVEMENT.

NOTHING?

BAMA FANS?

GET OFF THE BUS.

IF YOU WIPE MORE THAN FOUR TIMES

PER POOP YOU'RE RISK FOR ANAL

CANCER GOES UP 25%.

30 IN MINORITIES.

NORMALLY WE HEAD STRAIGHT FOR

HER B-HOLE BUT UNFORTUNATELY THE

HERSHEY HIGHWAY IS CLOSED.

VERY TO GET OFF THE DETOUR.

THIS IS BUMPER TO BUMPER.

TRAFFIC'S BACKED UP TO THE

STOMA.

WE'VE BEEN HIT.

I BET THEY DON'T HAVE INSURANCE.

WE'RE STUCK.

A LITTLE HELP, PLEASE.

>> IT SMELLS.

>> Tosh: DO YOU WANT A DIET?

GET YOUR [BLEEP] TOGETHER.

I CANNOT SEE A THING.

TAKE CHANCES, MAKE MISTAKES.

DON'T PANIC EVERYONE WE'RE

LEAVING LAURA.

WHO WANTS TO LEARN ABOUT THE

FEMALE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM?

OKAY.

LUBE US UP AND GIVE US A PUSH.

I DON'T THINK WE LEARNED

ANYTHING.

ON AN UNRELATED NOTE I'M SELLING

A SLIGHTLY USED MAGIC SCHOOL BUS

AS IS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST I

LOVE DUMPS.

SO MUCH THAT I CREATED A NEW WEB

SERIES WHERE CELEBRITIES TALK

ABOUT POOPING THEIR DRAWS.

IT'S CALLED SELF DEFECATING

HUMOR AND FOR THE PILOT EPISODE

I THOUGHT I'D GIVE YOU A WHIFF

OF MY OWN AUTOBOWELOGRAPHY.

WASH IT ON OUR BLOG BUT HERE'S A

SNEAK PEEK.

THIS IS A STORY FIVE OF FIVE OF

ME CRAPPING MYSELF AS IN AN

ADULT.

Loading...