Web Redemption - Fired for Being Too Hot - Uncensored

  • Season 5, Ep 512
  • 04/23/2013
  • Views: 139,701
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After Melissa gets fired for being too attractive, Daniel goes into business with her. (7:46)

- IMAGINE BEING FIRED BECAUSEYOU'RE JUST TOO SEXY.

THAT'S WHAT 32-YEAR-OLDMELISSA NELSON SAYS

HAPPENED TO HER.

AFTER WORKING AS A DENTALHYGIENIST FOR TEN YEARS

FOR DENTIST JAMES KNIGHT,HE FIRED HER

BECAUSE HE SAID SHE WASA THREAT TO HIS MARRIAGE.

HE ALSO REPORTEDLY COMMENTEDON HER INFREQUENT SEX LIFE,

SAYING, "THAT'S LIKE HAVINGA LAMBORGHINI IN THE GARAGE

AND NEVER DRIVING IT."

THE ALL-MALE IOWASUPREME COURT

UNANIMOUSLY AGREEDWITH THE DENTIST, RULING 7-0

THAT EMPLOYERS CAN GIVEAN EMPLOYEE THEIR WALKING PAPERS

IF THEY BELIEVE THERE ISAN "IRRESISTIBLE ATTRACTION."

- I'M DEVASTATED.

[laughter]

- NOT SINCE NOAH WYLE IN ER

HAS ANYONE MADE SCRUBSLOOK SO IRRESISTIBLE.

THAT WRONGFULLY-TERMINATEDTEMPTRESS IS MELISSA,

AND EVENIOWA'S SUPREME COURT

DECLARED HER TOO HOTTO HAVE A JOB.

SHE GOT AXED BECAUSEHER CREEPY OLD BOSS

WAS AFRAID HE WOULDN'T BE ABLETO KEEP HIS DRILL IN HIS PANTS.

SEXUAL HARASSMENTIS BULLYING WITH A BONER,

AND IT HAPPENS AT WORK

BECAUSE MEN WOULD MUCH RATHERRISK RUINING THEIR CAREER

THAN HAVE SEX WITHTHEIR AWFUL WIFE ONE MORE TIME.

WHEN WOMEN FIRST ENTEREDTHE WORKFORCE BACK IN THE '80s,

WE DIDN'T ALLOW THEM TO COMPLAINABOUT SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

IT CONTINUES TO BEA GREY AREA TODAY

BECAUSE CONGRESSREFUSES TO DEFINE

WHAT CONSTITUTESAN ERECTION.

I WAS SEXUALLY HARASSEDEVERY DAY FOR ALMOST 15 YEARS.

YEAH!

SURE, I WAS SELF-EMPLOYED.

BUT MASTURBATINGWHILE DRIVING TO GIGS

WAS THE ONLY WAYI COULD STAY AWAKE.

TOSH.0 DOESN'T HAVEAN HR DEPARTMENT,

BUT WE DO HAVE A CUBICLE

WHERE THE SEVEN GIRLSWHO WORK HERE

ARE ENCOURAGED TO GO CRY.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES,JOKE'S OVER.

RANDOM BREAST EXAMSARE NOT MANDATORY.

SENSITIVITY TRAININGIS A WASTE OF TIME.

THE MOST LOGICAL WAY TO AVOIDSEXUAL HARASSMENT

IS TO STOP BLOCKING PORNAT WORK,

OR FORCE WOMEN TO CONCEALTHEMSELVES UNDER BURQAS.

LADIES WHO WEAR THOSE,

HISTORICALLY HAVE BEENTREATED VERY NICE.

IF YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO FALLVICTIM TO SEXUAL HARASSMENT,

DRESS LIKE ELLEN.

BUT IF MELISSAWANTS TO CLEAN TEETH,

SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRYABOUT HER BOSS'S DIRTY MIND.

THAT'S WHY I INVITED HERTO GIVE ME AN ORAL EXAM

IN HOLLYWOOD, WHERE WOMENARE NEVER OBJECTIFIED,

IN THIS WEEK'SWEB REDEMPTION.

[cheers and applause]

THERE'S NOT MUCHI CAN DO FOR YOU.

YOU'VE HAD THE SAME JOBFOR THE PAST 20 YEARS.

I'VE GOT SOME PART-TIME WORKAT A DOG SHAMPOOING DAY SPA,

IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

[phone rings]

[elevator bell dings]

[rock music]

OH, THIS TEMP AGENCY

JUST TURNED INTOA TEMPTATION AGENCY.

ARE YOU FROM TENNESSEE?

BECAUSEYOU'RE THE ONLY TEN I SEE.

THAT DRESSIS BECOMING ON YOU.

IF I HAD IT MY WAY,IT WOULD BE COMING OFF YOU.

BRENT MUSBURGER WOULD LOSEHIS GODDAMN MIND.

- HELLO. I'M MELISSA.

- I'M--I'M DANIEL.

- NICE TO MEET YOU.

- [exhales]

MELISSA,BEFORE I SEND YOU OUT,

I NEED TO GET TO KNOW YOU.

DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT MANTHAT LOOKS LIKE ME.

WERE YOU A GOOD HYGIENIST?- OF COURSE.

- HOW MANY CAVITIESWOULD YOU GUESS

I'VE HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE?

- OPEN UP.

MAYBE NONE.THAT'S VERY GOOD.

- I'VE HAD TONS.

TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.

- I WENT TO WORK ONE DAY,

AND DR. KNIGHT CALLED MEINTO HIS OFFICE

WITH HIS PASTOR.

- [laughs]

HIS PASTOR?- YEP.

- THIS GUY HAS GOT HORRIBLEDEMONS. OKAY, CONTINUE.

- HE READOFF A PIECE OF PAPER

THAT HE WASN'T ABLE TOFOCUS ON HIS FAMILY.

- DID THE PASTOREVER SAY ANYTHING?

- NO.

- DID HE THROW WATER ON YOUOR SOMETHING?

- NO.

- DID YOU WALK OUT REAL SLUTTY?- PROBABLY.

- HEY, OLD HABITS DIE HARD.- I GUESS.

- WHEN HE WAS FIRING YOU,DID YOU NOTICE

IF HE HAD A BONER OR NOT?

- I DID NOT LOOK.

- THERE'S A REASONI'M SITTING CROSS-LEGGED.

DESCRIBE YOUR RELATIONSHIPWITH YOUR BOSS

FOR THE FIRST 9 1/2 YEARS.

- HE WAS LIKE MY DAD.A FATHER FIGURE.

- DID HE SPANK YOU?- NO.

- SORRY.MY FATHER SPANKED ME.

- SO DID MINE.

- DID YOU EVER HANG OUTWITH HIM SOCIALLY?

- HIS WIFE TAUGHT MEHOW TO MAKE HOMEMADE PIE.

- HOMEMADE PIE?WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PIE?

- CHERRY.- SWEET CHERRY PIE.

I WOULD LOVE TO TASTEYOUR CHERRY PIE.

- THAT'S GOOD.

- DID YOU LIKE BEINGREFERRED TO AS A LAMBORGHINI?

- NO.

- IT'S KIND OFA DOUCHEBAGGY CAR,

IF YOU ASK ME.

I'D REFER TO YOU MOREAS AN ASTON MARTIN.

YOU KNOW, HIGH END.

YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKEAN ASTON MARTIN OUT EVERY DAY.

NO. THAT'SYOUR SPECIAL OCCASION VEHICLE.

MELISSA, I LINED UPA FEW TEMP JOBS FOR YOU.

- OKAY.- OKAY.

IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN,MELISSA.

- IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO.

- I WANT YOU TO KNOWTHAT I'M AWARE

THAT I HAVE ONTHE EXACT SAME OUTFIT

THAT I HAD ON A WEEK AGO

I HAVE A VERY SPECIFICROTATION THAT I ADHERE TO.

NOW, THE FACT THAT YOU'VEGOTTEN FIRED FROM THREE JOBS

IS UNACCEPTABLE.

I DON'T KNOW HOWYOU DID THIS ONE.

I GOT YOU A JOB BARTENDINGIN A GAY BAR.

YOU TURNED ALL THEIR CLIENTELE100% STRAIGHT.

THAT'S NOT OKAY.

- I'M NOTCOMPLETELY CONVINCED

THEY WERE ALL GAY GAY.

- AND I THOUGHT WORKINGTHE RECEPTION DESK

AT THE SPERM BANK WASRIGHT IN YOUR WHEELHOUSE.

IT'S IN THE MEDICAL FIELD.

THEN, WHEN I FOUND OUTALL THE DUDES

WERE LEAVING THEIR DEPOSITSON THE WAITING ROOM FLOOR,

THAT'S JUST BAD BUSINESS.

- I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

- AND I DON'T EVEN KNOWHOW THIS IS POSSIBLE,

BUT YOU GET FIRED FOR BEING TOOHOT AS A 911 OPERATOR.

THEY SENT OVERONE OF YOUR TAPES.

- 911.WHAT'S YOUR EMERGENCY?

- OH, DAMN!WHAT'S UP, GIRL?

- DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!

[gunshots]

- WERE YOU JUST SHOT?

- EH, KINDA.

YOU WANNA COME OV--

[gunshot]

[dial tone]

- WELL, MELISSA,YOU'RE IN LUCK,

BECAUSE I'M LEAVINGTHIS PLACE

AND I'M OPENING UPMY OWN DENTIST OFFICE.

- YOU'RE A DENTIST?

- I AM NOW,ACCORDING TO DENTALZOOM.COM.

IT TOOK ME 45 MINUTESTO TAKE THAT TEST.

YOU CAN ONLY MISS THREE.I MISSED THREE.

I'M GONNA COMBINEYOUR DENTAL EXPERTISE

WITH YOUR SLUTTY GOOD LOOKS.

I'M CALLING IT--YOU READY FOR THIS?

DEN-TITS.

- I'M HERE TO SEEAQUA FRESH AMY.

- SORRY, SHE'S PUT ONA FEW POUNDS,

SO WE ASKED HER TO STAY HOMEUNTIL SHE TOOK CARE OF THAT.

WE'D HATE TO GROSS YOU OUT.

BUT I CAN GET YOU INWITH MELISSA.

- WELL, HOW BIGARE HER TITS?

- THEY'RE PERFECT.

- OKAY.

- GENTLEMEN, REMEMBERIT'S HAPPY HOUR.

THAT MEANSALL-YOU-CAN-INHALE NITROUS

TILL 7 P.M.

YOUR NEXT DANCERIS COMING TO THE STAGE.

OPEN UP AND SAY,"MELISS-AH."

[rock music]

- ♪ EASY DOES IT

♪ OH!

- SONG'S OVER.TIME TO PAY.

THANK YOU.

THE DOCTORWILL BE IN SHORTLY.

- MATT, NICE TO SEE YA.

- HI, DOC.WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG?

- OOH, GOLF.

I WAS FUCKING A DUDEON A GOLF COURSE.

ANYWAY...AAH!

OH! THESE THINGSDO THE TRICK.

OOH. OKAY.

WELL,LET'S GET IN THERE.

NO, HEY, COME ON,YOU KNOW THE RULES.

NO TOUCHING.

OPEN UP.

[drill buzzing]

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