Web Redemption - Brad the Actor - Uncensored

  • Season 3, Ep 325
  • 10/11/2011
  • Views: 101,483
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Daniel finds out if Brad the non-union actor/print model has what it takes to make it in show business. (6:45)

- HI, I'M BRAD GELBER.

I'M AN 18-YEAR-OLD NON-UNIONACTOR/PRINT MODEL.

MY FAVORITE ACTOR ISVINCE VAUGHN WITHOUT QUESTION.

HE HAS THE PERFECT COMBINATIONOF COMEDY AND WITTINESS

THAT I FIND VERY RAREIN AN ACTOR.

AND WHEN I GO SEE HIS MOVIES,HE'LL HAVE ME LAUGHING WITH HIM,

LIKE, THE FIRSTFIVE MINUTES.

THIS SHOE IS TOUGH.

IT SCREAMS WORK ME,BEND ME, SHAPE ME.

I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU,AND YOU LIKE THAT.

NIKE...A BIT OF AN ATTITUDE.

[upbeat music]

I KEEP WAKING UPIN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

ALL DRENCHED IN SWEAT.

YESTERDAY, I PUT MY FISTTHROUGH THE WINDOW

AND SHATTERED IT INTO PIECES.

MY MOM IS "DAD."

SHE'S "DAD."

- NAILED IT!

HE BUYS HIS SHIRTSIN THE BABY SHOULDERS SECTION.

THAT ENERGETICUP-AND-COMER IS BRAD,

AND HE'S A TRIPLE THREAT.

HE ACTS, HE MODELS,HE'S DELUSIONAL.

HE AIMED FOR THE STARSAND LANDED ON MY SHOW INSTEAD.

IT'S HARD TO TAKEACTORS SERIOUSLY

WHEN YOUR RESUMEIS A PICTURE.

IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE ITIN THE FIRST SIX MONTHS,

PLEASE QUIT,AND GET A REAL JOB

SO WE CAN PULL THIS ECONOMYOUT OF THE CRAPPER.

FAME ISN'T AS EASYAS I MAKE IT LOOK.

SOME HAVE TO DANCELIKE A SLUT

ON THE TOP OF A FIATTO STAY RELEVANT.

YEAH, I'D LOVETO SELL OUT,

BUT THEY DON'T LET YOUDO PROACTIV COMMERCIALS

WHEN YOU HAVE PERFECT SKIN.

CELEBRITIES, PLEASE STOPTRYING TO EXPAND YOUR BRAND.

WE ALL LOVEJUSTIN BIEBER'S MUSIC,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEANWE WANT TO SMELL

LIKE STUPID HAIRCUTSAND USHER'S BALLS.

I'M GLAD SEAN PENNIS HANGING OUT IN COUNTRIES

THAT AREN'T UP TO CODE.

I JUST DON'T WANTTO HEAR ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW WHO'S REALLYDOWNTRODDEN?

EVERYONE WHO PAIDTO SEE THE TREE OF LIFE.

YOU WON'T SEE METRYING TO BRANCH OUT.

I KNOW MY PLACE, AND IT'S RIGHTHERE HOSTING THIS SHOW.

[cheers and applause]

AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCINGMY NEW ANIMATED SERIES

COMING SOON.

BRAD MAY HAVE BEENA LITTLE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES,

BUT I RECOGNIZE RAW TALENTWHEN I SEE IT.

THAT'S WHY I FLEW HIMBACK TO TINSELTOWN

FOR ANOTHER SHOTAT STARDOM

IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

- HEY, DANIEL.WHAT'S UP?

- HEY, BRAD. GLAD YOUCOULD BE HERE FOR THIS.

BEING IMMORTALIZED IN CEMENTIS THE BIGGEST HONOR

A CELEBRITY COULD RECEIVE.

- HEY, WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING?

IS THAT YOUR DICKIN MY CEMENT?

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.- SORRY.

SORRY!- GET OUT OF HERE!

GET OUT OF HERE!

- FORGET THAT GUY.

HE CLEARLY DOESN'TAPPRECIATE THE IMPACT

THAT I'VE HADON THE COMEDY COMMUNITY.

BUT THIS IS ABOUT YOU,AND I KNOW THE ONE PLACE

THAT'S GUARANTEEDTO MAKE YOU A STAR.

- I'M INTERESTED.

- OKAY, WELL THEN,YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE

TO TAKE OFFYOUR PANTS.

I'M KIDDING.LET'S GO.

WELCOME TO THE CHURCHOF SCIENTOLOGY.

CAN I GETA "PRAISE OVERLORD XENU"?

- PRAISE OVERLORD XENU.- AW, THANK YOU, BRAD.

I KNOW KNOW THIS SEEMSLIKE A CRAZY RELIGION,

BUT YOU CAN'T ARGUEWITH THE STARS

THAT HAVE COME OUTOF THIS CHURCH.

NOW, LET ME HOOK YOU UPTO THIS E-METER

TO SEE HOW MANY ENGRAMSWE NEED TO REMOVE

FROM YOUR SYSTEMTO MAKE YOU CLEAR.

BUT FIRST, IF I CANGET YOU TO PUT YOUR LEFT HAND

ON OUR BIBLE.

THAT'S ENOUGH.HOLD ON TO THOSE.

[shrieks]

[laughs]

THAT'S JUST A LITTLE JOKEWE HERE AT THE CULT DO.

TELL ME EVERYTHINGABOUT THAT VIDEO.

- IT WAS LIKE AN ACTING REEL,OBVIOUSLY.

UM, I WAS REALLY TRYINGTO LAND, LIKE, A JOB,

BUT IT KIND OF TOOK ONA LIFE OF ITS OWN AFTERWARDS.

- WHAT DID YOUR FRIENDSTHINK OF THAT VIDEO?

- AT FIRST, I WAS, LIKE,AH, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL,

BUT ONCE I GOT TO100,000 VIEWS ON YOUTUBE--

- THEN YOU STARTEDGETTING A LITTLE NERVOUS?

- YEAH,A LITTLE NERVOUS.

- AND YOU STILL LOOK THE SAME.THAT'S--THAT'S THE TOUGH PART.

- RIGHT.

- HAVE YOU EVER TRIEDTO GET THE VIDEO TAKEN DOWN?

- YEAH, I WAS TRYING TO THINKOF ANYTHING I COULD,

BUT AFTER A WHILE, YOU JUSTKIND OF HAVE TO ROLL WITH IT.

- WHAT WERE SOME OF THE MEANYOUTUBE COMMENTS YOU READ?

- I DIDN'T HAVE, LIKE,A NECK, THAT IT BLENDED IN.

- YOU LEARN SOMETHINGABOUT YOURSELF

WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE JUST BLINDLYTAKING SHOTS AT YOU.

YOU REALLY GREW INTOYOUR NECK.

- THANK YOU.[chuckles]

- DO YOU HAVEA SPEECH IMPEDIMENT?

- I WOULD SAY IT'S MORE OF ANACCENT THAN A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.

- ALTHOUGH YOUR ACCENT,IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S GONE AWAY

A LITTLE BIT.

- PROBABLY BEINGIN SCHOOL--JUST--

- IT WAS BEATEN OUT OF YOU?

- [laughs]

- AND HOW DO YOU SAY "DEAD"?

- MY MOM IS "DAD."

"DAD."

- DEAD.- "DAD."

- DEAD.

- "DAD."

- SWEAT.- "SWOT."

SWEAT.

- I WANT YOU TO SAY,"SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND,"

IN A BRITISH ACCENT.

- "SAY HELLOTO MY LITTLE FRIEND."

- NOW AS A BLACK GUY.

- "SAY HELLOTO MY LITTLE FRIEND."

- WAS A LITTLE SOUTHERN.OKAY.

HOW ABOUTAS A NEW ENGLANDER?

- I DON'T KNOW.

HOW DO YOU DOA NEW ENGLAND ACCENT?

- I DON'T KNOW, I ASSUMEIT HAS THE "N" WORD IN IT.

YOU LOVE VINCE VAUGHN,YOU SAID.

- MY FAVORITE ACTOR IS VINCEVAUGHN, WITHOUT QUESTION.

- YOU STILL LIKE HIM?

- YEAH, HE'S SO GOOD,BUT I--

- DID YOU SEE COUPLES RETREAT?

- [laughs] YEAH.

- WERE YOU EMBARRASSEDFOR HIM?

- I WAS EMBARRASSED FOR HIM.

- HE'S NEVER APOLOGIZEDABOUT THAT.

- NO.

- DID NIKE SEND YOUA BUNCH OF FREE SHIT

FOR ALL THE TROUBLEYOU WENT TO?

- I WISH.

- DID THEY SEND YOUA CEASE AND DESIST LETTER?

- NO.

- AFTER WE'RE DONESHOOTING THIS,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUTTO DINNER WITH ME?

- SURE.- THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, IT LOOKS LIKEYOU PASSED YOUR STRESS TEST

WITH FLYING COLORS,

BUT IF YOU WANT TO MAKE ITIN THIS TOWN,

YOU NEEDTO JOIN THIS CHURCH.

AND TO JOIN THIS CHURCH,WE NEED YOUR MONEY.

GIVE ME $10,000.

IT'S A LITTLE ODD THATYOU ALREADY HAD IT FILLED OUT,

BUT THANK YOUVERY MUCH.

THIS WILL GO A LONG WAYTO MAKING YOUR NEW REEL.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,

ARE YOU READYTO GIVE ANOTHER SHOT?

- WITHOUT QUESTION.

NIKE...A BIT OF AN ATTITUDE.

MY MOM IS DEAD.

[solemn music]

- [shouts in foreign language]

- EVERYBODY KNOWS THESE SHOESARE FREAKING AWESOME.

BUT WHAT ABOUTHOW THEY'RE MADE

BY POVERTY-STRICKENCHILD SLAVES?

THAT'S WHAT GIVES THEMA BIT OF AN ATTITUDE.

- YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

LET'S GET SOME WIND.

DOESN'T THAT FEEL SAFE?

- I KEEP WAKING UPIN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

ALL DRENCHED IN "SWOT."

YESTERDAY, I PUT MY FISTTHROUGH THE WINDOW

AND SHATTERED ITINTO PIECES.

MY MOM IS "DAD."

MY MOM IS "DAD!"

- YES, BRAD.WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

I USED TO BE YOUR MOM.NOW I'M YOUR DAD.

YOUR MOM IS DAD.

I GOT AN OPERATIONAND EVERYTHING.

- MY MOM IS "DAD."

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