Twitter Block Party

Season 7 , Ep 15 05/26/2015 Views: 22,087

Daniel video chats with some of his most persistent Twitter followers before blocking their accounts. (4:32)

[JAZZY MUSIC]

WELCOME TO MY FIRST EVERBLOCK PARTY,

WHERE I BLOCK THE PEOPLEWHO IRRITATE ME ON TWITTER

RIGHT TO THEIR STUPID FACES.

NORMALLY, I'M NOT A FANOF BLOCKING ANYONE,

DESPITE THE DEATH THREATSTO ME, MY FAMILY, OR MY PETS.

THAT'S WHY GODINVENTED TWITTER--

THAT AND SO LITTLE WHITE KIDS

COULD HAVE A SAFE PLACETO FREELY DROP THE N-WORD

AND THE GAY F-WORD.

BUT SOME OF YOU,AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE,

WITH YOUR CONSTANTUNFUNNY TWEETS, CONGRATS.

YOU EARNED AN INVITETO THE BLOCK PARTY.

[JAZZY MUSIC]

ALL RIGHT,MY FIRST GUEST IS JORDAN,

WHO DIGS DEEPBY ONLY ASKING QUESTIONS

THAT START WITH, "DO YOU LIKE?"

- HELLO, JORDAN.- OH, MY GOD.

IT'S AN HONOR TO MEET YOURIGHT NOW.

YEAH, SAVE IT, JORDAN.

HOW MANY TWEETS DO YOUTHINK YOU'VE SENT ME?

- OH, UM...- I'LL TELL YOU.

1,550.

OH.[LAUGHS]

YEAH, BUT YOU LOVE 'EM,DON'T YOU?

NO.NO, I DON'T.

AND THAT'S ALSO THE ANSWER

TO EVERY ONE OFYOUR MUNDANE QUESTIONS,

EXCEPT THIS ONE:"WILL I BLOCK YOU?"

YES.YOU'RE BLOCKED.

[JAZZY MUSIC]- AH, COME ON, DANIEL.

THAT IS NOT COOL.

[LAUGHS]

NEXT IS ALEA,

WHO HAS TOLD MEHOW MUCH SHE LOVES ME

OVER 450 TIMES.

HELLO, ALEA.

HELLO.

TELL ME WHY I SHOULDN'TBLOCK YOU.

BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

I ALREADY KNEW THAT.YOU'RE BLOCKED.

WELL, THEN I'M GONNA BLOCK YOU.

I SAID IT FIRST!DOUBLE BLOCKED!

NO BLOCK BACKS.

[JAZZY MUSIC]

(DANIEL)NEXT IS RED HOT MA.

RED HOT MA, WHAT'S UP?

WHAT'S UP?

HOW'D YOU GET A NAMELIKE RED HOT MA?

UM, IT'S JUST A RAPPER NAMEI HAVE.

RED HOT MA IS A RAPPER.

WHY DON'T YOU SPIT FOR ME?

THE GIRLS SEE ME,AND THEY BE LIKE, "WOW."

I DESTROY CRAB, LOBSTER,AND SHRIMP.

LIKE, YOU CAN JUST CALL METHE SEAFOOD PIMP.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT,THAT'S ENOUGH.

THAT'S NOT MUSIC.THIS IS MUSIC.

YOU'RE BLOCKED.

[JAZZY MUSIC]

(DANIEL)TURNS OUT OUR NEXT BLOCKEEIS NOT AN OSTRICH;

SHE'S A 44-YEAR-OLD WOMAN WHOASKED US TO HIDE HER IDENTITY.

HOW'S IT GOING,BLOCKHEAD?

I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

BETTER NOW THAT I'M NOT GONNASEE AN OSTRICH IN MY TIMELINE.

YOU'RE BLOCKED.

[JAZZY MUSIC]

- WHOO!- NO, DON'T BLOCK ME.

IT'S TOO LATE.

I ALREADY DID MY DANCE.

(DANIEL)NEXT IS 17-YEAR-OLD TYLERFROM CANADA

WHO SEEMS TO HAVEA CRUSH ON ME.

HEY, TYLER.

IT'S BEEN A DREAM OF MINE

TO TALK TO YOU OR MEET YOU.

- A WET DREAM.- THIS IS AMAZING.

[DANIEL CHUCKLES]

WHY ARE YOU TAKINGA PHOTO OF ME?

'CAUSE YOU ARE JUSTTHE FUNNIEST, CUTEST GUY EVER.

YOU ARE PERFECT.

YOU ALWAYS LOVE THE ONESYOU CAN'T HAVE.

YOU'RE BLOCKED.

[JAZZY MUSIC]

(DANIEL)NEXT IS MANNY FROM TEXAS,

WHO HAS DOUG STANHOPEIN HIS PROFILE PIC,

SO I KNOW HE'S TWISTED.

(DANIEL)MANNY, WHY WOULD YOUTWEET ME

THAT YOU HAVE SEVERAL COUSINSYOU WANT TO [BLEEP]?

DON'T YOU HAVE COUSINSYOU WANT TO [BLEEP]?

NOT ANYMORE.

THEY'RE ALL OLD.

NOW IT'S LIKENIECES AND NEPHEWS.

[LAUGHS]

- AWW.- YOU'RE BLOCKED!

[JAZZY MUSIC]

AH, [BLEEP].

NEXT IS REALLY PRISCILLA.

PRISCILLA.

HI, DANIEL!

HI.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

16.

ALL RIGHT,THAT IS TOO YOUNG

FOR WHAT SHE'S WRITTEN.

HOW MANY TIMES WOULD YOU SAYYOU'VE TWEETED ME?

AT LEAST MORE THAN 20 TIMES.

[LAUGHS]1,685.

YEAH, BUT IN THE LAST YEAR,YOU'VE REALLY STOPPED.

I HAVE HOMEWORK.I HAVE SCHOOL.

I HAVE THINGS TO DO.I'M SORRY.

NO, NO.I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

IF I FIND OUTYOU JUMPED SHIP

AND STARTED TWEETINGTREVOR NOAH,

THERE'LL BE HELL TO PAY.

NO, I DIDN'T. ONLY YOU.

YOU'RE BLOCKED.

I WILL STILL FIND WAYSTO TWEET YOU.

I'LL BLOCK ALL OF 'EM.I'LL BLOCK YOUR FAMILY.

I'LL BLOCKYOUR FAMILY'S FAMILY.

[JAZZY MUSIC]

NO. NO.

(DANIEL)AND FINALLY,

THE ONLY PERSON I'VE EVERBLOCKED BEFORE TONIGHT.

- HI, SUSAN.- HI!

DID YOU THINK IT WAS FUNNYTHAT I BLOCKED YOU?

NO, IT WAS CRUEL.

YOU MADE SOME FAKE ACCOUNTSTO TRY TO STILL CONTACT ME.

- NO, I DIDN'T.- YES, YOU--YES, YOU DID.

YOU MADE ONE,@SUSANRACHE?

DESPERATE TIMES CALLFOR DESPERATE MEASURES.

SPOKEN LIKE A TRUECRAZY PERSON.

WHY SHOULD I UNBLOCK YOU?

BECAUSE IT'S MEANFOR YOU TO BLOCK ME!

OKAY, FINE.

I WILL UNBLOCK YOU,

BUT ONLY SO I CAN RE-BLOCK YOUFOR THE BLOCK PARTY.

HIT THE MUSIC.

[JAZZY MUSIC]

SHUT UP.

- ALL RIGHT.- I HATE YOU.

[ZIPPER BUZZES]

START ANNOYING ME TONIGHT,

AND MAYBE YOU'LL GET AN INVITETO NEXT YEAR'S BLOCK PARTY.

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