Web Redemption - Phil Davison - Uncensored

  • Season 3, Ep 309
  • 03/08/2011
  • Views: 148,725
0 comments

Tosh sits down for a frank one-on-one with the man who was almost Stark County treasurer. (8:31)

MY NAME IS BILL DAVISON AND I'M

THINKING SEEKING OUR PARTY'S

NOMINATION.

I HAVE BEEN A REPUBLICAN.

TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

TELL YOUR NEIGHBORS.

TELL ANDY GONZALEZ.

I WILL HIT THE GROUND RUNNING.

NOW THAT IS HOW YOU ROCK THE

VOTE, BY SHOTGUNNING A GALLON OF

5 HOUR ENERGY.

THAT'S PHIL DAVISON, AND HE

FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE

OF PUBLIC SPEAKING: TRY NOT TO

LOOK LIKE A LUNATIC.

RUNNING FOR STARK COUNTY

TREASURER IN THE SWING STATE OF

OHIO WOULD PUT HIM IN CHARGE OF

LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS.

I'M NO POLITICAL EXPERT, BUT I

HAVE SEEN

DAVE, WELCOME TO MOOSEPORT,

FIRST DAUGHTER, FIRST KID, AGENT

CODY BANKS, PART OF THE SEQUEL,

THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMEN,

GUARDING TESS, AND THE MUMMY

RETURNS, SO I THINK I KNOW WHAT

I'M TALKING ABOUT.

CAMPAIGNS ARE ALL ABOUT SPENDING

TONS OF MONEY, PRETENDING THAT

PEOPLE FROM IOWA MATTER, AND

PRAYING NO ONE FINDS OUT YOU

LOVE HIRING UNDERAGE HOOKERS TO

POUND YOU WITH A STRAP-ON.

HAS ANYONE EVER ACTUALLY WON A

DEBATE?

I'VE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE GO, "MY

OPPONENT IS MAKING A TON OF

SENSE, I'M OUT."

THE IDEA THAT ANY OF THESE

CANDIDATES REPRESENT MY

INTERESTS IS ABSURD.

IF YOU WANT MY VOTE, SCALE IT

BACK A SMIDGE WITH THE LOFTY

PROMISES AND JUST LEGALIZE DRUGS

AND GAMBLING.

NATIVE AMERICANS GET IT; WHY

CAN'T AMERICAN AMERICANS?

YET, FOR ALL OF THE FLAWS WITH

THE POLITICAL PROCESS, THERE'S

NEVER BEEN A WOMAN IN THE WHITE

HOUSE.

SO, THE SYSTEM ISN'T COMPLETELY

BROKEN YET.

PHIL DAVISON WAS JUST TRYING TO

GET THE VOTER'S ATTENTION, AND

ENDED UP SCARING THE BEJESUS

OUT OF THEM.

THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT HIM OUT TO

TOSH.0 CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS FOR

THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

EXCUSE ME.

THE ONLY WAY TO APPEAL TO THE

TEA PARTY IS TO GET TEA BAGGED.

>> THAT'S DISGUSTING.

>> I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THE

SMELL OF THIS BATHROOM.

FROM NBC NEWS IN WASHINGTON

"MEET THE PRESS" WITH DAVID

GREGORY.

THIS IS DANIEL TOSH FILLING IN

FOR DANIEL GREGORY.

TODAY WE HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT

GUEST PHIL DAVISON.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU AS WELL.

>> THE VOTE WASN'T RELEASED SO I

DIDN'T WIN.

>> DO YOU THINK IF YOU HAD

APOLOGIZED FOR YOUR TONE YOU

MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN MORE VOTES.

>> YES.

>> WAS THAT THE FIRST TIME YOU

HAD READ THAT SPEECH.

>> NO I HAD PRACTICED SEVERAL

TIMES TO MYSELF.

IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD READ

IT OUT IN PUBLIC FOR

DOCUMENTATION.

BECAUSE MY THEORY IS THAT SPEECH

WAS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS.

>> NO, IT WAS NOT WRITTEN IN ALL

CAPS.

MY NAME IS PHIL DAVISON.

YOU GOT TO SCREAM IT.

>> THAT'S WHAT I DID.

TELL ME ABOUT GIVING THAT

SPEECH.

IT SEEMS VERY PASSIONATE.

I GOT EXCITED ABOUT IT.

AND I SAID TO HELL WITH IT.

I GOT UP THERE AND THIS IS HOW I

SPEAK.

>> WHILE YOU WERE UP THERE DID

YOU THINK THIS WAS GOING WELL.

>> AS THE SPEECH WAS GOING ON

AND PEOPLE STARTED LEAVING THE

ROOM.

>> MOST PEOPLE THINK I'M GAY.

BECAUSE I'VE GOT THIS PENT-UP

ENERGY AND FRUSTRATION.

>> I'VE GOT TO BE HONEST WHEN

WATCHING THE SPEECH THIS GUY IS

GAY.

>> I LET THEM HAVE IT

>> LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR

SPEECH FOR A SECOND.

>> I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE IN

SOCIOLOGY, A BACHELORS DEGREE IN

PSYCHOLOGY.

A MASTER DEGREE IN PUBLIC

ADMINISTRATION.

AND MASTERS DEGREE IN

COMMUNICATION.

>> ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOU TALKED

ABOUT YOUR MASTERS IN IN

COMMUNICATION AND YOU SCREWED IT

UP.

>> IN THE MIDDLE OF OPPORTUNITY.

IN THE MIDDLE OF DIFFICULTY.

>> WHAT OTHER FAVORITE QUOTES.

>> A FLUTE WITHOUT HOLES IS NOT

A FLUTE BUT A BAGEL -- A

DOUGHNUT.

I BLEW IT AGAIN.

>> DOUGHNUT WITHOUT A HOLE IS

WHAT?

>> DANISH.

HOW ARE YOU WITH KIDS.

>> GOOD.

I'VE DONE A THE BEST I CAN.

>> HAVE YOU READ THE COMMENTS

WRITTEN ABOUT YOU.

>> HAVE YOU EVER DONE ANY DRUGS.

>> YES.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DRUGS

>>> MARIJUANA, L S D, ECSTASY.

MUSHROOMS AND THEN I'M GOING TO

WHIPS IN AS A DRUGS.

>> YOU WANT TO BE THE BEST YOU

GOT TO BEAT THE BEST.

>> WISER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN

SAID ON THIS SHOW.

>> WHAT'S YOUR STANCE ON

ABORTION.

>> I'M PRO-CHOICE.

>> IF YOU WANT TO HAVE AN

ABORTION HAVE ONE.

>> WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THAT

TOSH.0 WERE TO SPONSOR A

CAMPAIGN FOR YOU TO RUN FOR

PRESIDENCY.

>> NO, I'M NOT GOING TO BE ON

THE TICKET.

>> THAT'S OKAY.

>> THAT WILL COME OUT.

>> NO I WON'T.

I'VE DONE FAR WORSE THAN.

>> WHATEVER YOU'VE DONE I'VE

DONE 10 TIMES WORSE.

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN COME

HERE.

DANIEL TOSH AND I ARE GOING TO

DANIEL TOSH IS GOING MY

PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN MANAGER

AND I'M GOING TO RUN FOR

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

IN 2012

>> I WOULD LIKE TO JOIN YOU AS

YOUR CAMPAIGN MANAGER IF YOU

WOULD WELCOME ME.

>> YES.

I'M DANIEL TOSH GOODNIGHT.

>> I AM AWESOME.

>> PHIL, ARE YOU NERVOUS.

>> GOOD YOU SHOULDN'T BE

NERVOUS.

>> BUTTON YOUR JACKET.

DON'T BRAG ABOUT YOUR DEGREES.

LOSE THE CRAZY EYE.

THERE'S 90,000 PEOPLE.

BECAUSE I SENT OUT A SINGLE

TWEET.

GIVE THEM THE MESSAGE.

>> LET'S GO.

LET'S GO!

>> OH GOD.

>> THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

>> APPRECIATE THAT.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU ALL.

VERY MUCH.

>> THANK YOU.

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NAME

IS PHIL DAVISON.

AND I'M SEEKING THE TOSH PARTY'S

NOMINATION FOR PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES.

ALBERT EINSTEIN IS ONE OF MY

MOST FAVORITE QUOTES.

IN THE MIDDLE OF DIFFICULTY LIES

OPPORTUNITY.

IF NOMINATED TONIGHT I WILL HIT

THE GROUND RUNNING, AND COME OUT

SWINGING AND END UP WINNING.

>> BARACK OBAMA DOES NOT CARE

ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE.

[GUNSHOT]

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