Extended Interview - Crying Wrestling Fan's Web Redemption

  • Season 3, Ep 306
  • 02/15/2011
  • Views: 52,646
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Dave Wills explains the Internet, and the Ultimate Tosh reveals where he is from. (5:53)

>> OH!

HOW ARE YOU, DAVE?

CAN YOU TELL MEWHERE YOU'RE FROM?

>> YES, DANIEL.

I'M FROM-->> PLEASE!

CALL ME "THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR."

>> UM, I'M FROM ATLANTA,GEORGIA.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOINGFOR A LIVING NOW?

>> I OVERSEE A LOT OF STUFFLIKE MAINTENANCE,

JANITORIAL ACCOUNTS,STUFF LIKE THAT.

>> DID ANY OF YOUR EMPLOYEESSEE THAT VIDEO?

>> I'VE HAD A FEWBRING IT TO MY ATTENTION.

>> AND WHAT DO THEY SAY?

>> "IT'S JUST DAVE.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?">> DO YOU HAVE THOSE BREAKDOWNS

AT WORK EVER?

>> NO, NO, NO.

>> OKAY.

YOU KEEP IT PROFESSIONALAT WORK.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> WERE YOU A FAN OF THE NWA,GROWING UP?

>> YES, I WAS.

>> DO YOU THINK ARN ANDERSON'SA PUSSY?

>> NO, I DO NOT.

>> [exhales]I'D LIKE TO GET A FEW MINUTES

IN THE RING WITH HIM.

ARN, IF YOU'RE WATCHING...

WHAT EXACTLY WERE YOU ATTENDING?

>> I WAS ATTENDING SOMETHINGCALLED THE TRIBUTE TO STARRCADE.

IT WAS PUT ON BY A GROUPIN THE CAROLINAS AS A TRIBUTE

TO THE STARRCADE CARDTHAT HAPPENED BACK IN '85.

IT WAS TAPED AROUND 2005.

>> HOW'D YOU GETSUCH GOOD SEATS?

>> I WALKED IN THEREAND BOUGHT A TICKET.

>> WHERE WAS IT HELD AT?

>> IT WAS HELD IN SPARTANBURG,SOUTH CAROLINA, AT THE COLISEUM.

>> THAT WAS IN A COLISEUM?

>> YES.

>> THAT LOOKED LIKEA MIDDLE SCHOOL.

>> IT WAS NOT A MIDDLE SCHOOL.

IT WAS A COLISEUM.

>> TELL ME WHOYOUR FAVORITE WRESTLER WAS.

>> KONGA THE BARBARIAN.

THE BARBARIAN WOULD BEMY FAVORITE WRESTLER.

>> THAT'S INTEREST--WHO'SYOUR FAVORITE CURRENT WRESTLER?

>> CURRENT WRESTLER?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

THERE'S QUITE A FEW OF THEMOUT THERE NOW.

I DON'T WATCH ITAS MUCH AS I USED TO YEARS AGO.

>> DO YOU KNOWTHAT WRESTLING IS FAKE?

>> REGARDLESS OF THE--WHETHERIT'S PREDETERMINED OR NOT,

THEY MAKE A GREAT SACRIFICETO THEIR BODIES IN THE RING.

NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

>> WHY DID YOU GET SO EMOTIONAL?

>> UH, IT WAS JUSTAN EMOTIONAL TIME.

I GOT TO MEET SOME OFMY FAVORITE WRESTLERS

ON THAT DAY.

THEY WERE TALKING ABOUTSOME SACRIFICES PEOPLE HAD MADE

TO BE IN THE WRESTLING BUSINESS,AND IT JUST GOT

ALL CAUGHT UP WITH ME.

>> DID YOU CRY DURINGTHE MOVIE THE WRESTLER?

>> UH, NO, I DID NOT CRY DURINGTHE MOVIE THE WRESTLER.

>> WOULD YOU HAVE CRIEDIF YOU'D HAVE SEEN

MICKEY ROURKE?

>> UH, I MIGHT CRYIF I SAW MICKEY ROURKE,

BUT, NO, I DID NOT-->> HE IS DISTURBING-LOOKING.

>> UH, YES.

[laughs]>> DO YOU EVER MASTURBATE

TO MISS ELIZABETH?

>> NEVER, NOT AT ALL.

>> [sighs]SHE DIED.

DRUG OVERDOSE.

WHAT HAPPENS TO THESE GUYS'BODIES AFTER THEY RETIRE?

>> THEY WIND UP, UH,SOME OF THEM HAVING TROUBLE

MAKING ENDS MEET AND STUFF,VERY INJURED, AND NOT ABLE

TO GET A LOT OF WORK.

IT'S SAD, TO A CERTAIN EXTENT.

>> THEY SHOULDN'T KEEPWRESTLING, THOUGH.

I FIND THAT THE MOST SAD.

I KNOW OPTIONS MIGHT BE LIMITED,BUT ONCE YOUR BODY SAYS, "NO,"

YOU GOTTA STOP.

>> WELL...

>> NOW, ME PERSONALLY,I STOPPED TAKING STEROIDS,

SLIMMED DOWN TO A HEALTHY 175.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> I'M NO LONGERPUMPING PEOPLE UP.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> BUT MY JOINTS FEEL GOOD.

>> NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.

I'M SURE YOU'RE GETTINGPLENTY OF CARDIO TOO.

>> PLENTY OF CARDIO.

[exhales]DO YOU KNOW WHERE I'M FROM?

>> YOU'RE THE ULTIMATE TOSH.

PARTS UNKNOWN?

>> PARTS UNKNOWN!

[exhales][exhales]

DO YOU THINK BROOKE HOGANIS A MAN?

>> I HAVE NO IDEAWHETHER SHE IS OR NOT.

>> THINK SHE WAS BORN WITH BOTHMALE AND FEMALE GENITALIA?

>> I WOULD NOT KNOW THAT.

>> I CAN CONFIRM THAT.

THAT IS FACT.

IF YOU COULD MAKE OUTWITH ONE MALE WRESTLER,

WHO WOULD IT BE?

>> [chuckles]>> TOO SLOW!

THE ANSWER IS MIDNIGHT EXPRESS.

BEAUTIFUL BODY AND LOVER BOY.

NO-BRAINER.

OR THE FABULOUS MULAN.

>> FABULOUS MOOLAH?

>> YEAH.

HE WAS--HE WAS A LOOKER.

>> THE FABULOUS MOOLAHWAS A SHE.

>> YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND.

WHAT WERE SOME OF THE RUMORSTHAT YOU READ ABOUT YOURSELF

ONLINE?

>> THAT I WAS SITTINGIN MY MAMA'S BASEMENT,

EATING CHEETOS IN MY UNDERWEAR,WHICH IS NOT TRUE,

'CAUSE MOM AND DAD NEVER HADA BASEMENT, AND I'M NOT REALLY

BIG INTO CHEETOS AND EVERYTHING.

NOT EXACTLY TRUE.

>> YOU DON'T LIKE CHEETOS?

>> NO.

>> DORITOS?

>> DORITOS ARE GOOD.

>> DORITOS ARE DELICIOUS.

>> BUT I WASN'T EATING--DOING ANY OF THAT

ON THE INTERNET.

YOU CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHINGYOU SEE ON THE--OR READ

ON THE INTERNET.

>> I TAKE THE INTERNET AS BIBLE.

>> THERE ARE RUMORS ON THERE.

THERE MIGHT BE RUMORS ABOUT YOU,ULTIMATE TOSH.

>> WHAT RUMORS?

>> SOME...

MIGHT HAVE QUESTIONED WHETHERYOU'RE A HETEROSEXUAL OR NOT.

>> [in deep voice] IT WASWRITTEN!

THE SCROLLS...

THAT CAME DOWNFROM THE MOUNTAIN.

THEY SAIDTHAT THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR

LOVED PUSSY.

LOVED IT!

>> NO OVERCOMPENSATION THERE.

I BELIEVE YOU.

>> IF YOU HAD TO CREATEYOUR OWN WRESTLING PERSONA,

WHAT WOULD YOU GO WITH?

>> OOH.

>> WOULD YOU BE A GOOD GUYOR A BAD GUY?

>> OH, PROBABLY A BAD GUY.

>> YOU KNOW HOW TO REVERSEA FIGURE-FOUR LEG LOCK?

>> YES, I DO.

>> YOU KNOW HOW TO REVERSE IT?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> LET ME SLAP THAT FIGURE-FOURLEG LOCK ON YOU REAL QUICK.

>> DO YOU KNOW HOW TO PUT IT ON?

HEY!

[grunting]>> YOU GONNA REVERSE IT?

YOU GONNA REVERS--OH!

[yelling]ALL RIGHT, DAVE.

I AM A HUGE WRESTLING FAN,JUST LIKE YOU.

UNLIKE YOU, I AM EXTREMELY RICH,AND I NEED A TAX SHELTER.

SO I'VE CREATED A CHARITYIN YOUR NAME TO HONOR

PAST WRESTLING GREATSTHAT WE BOTH LOVE.

IN YOUR HONOR, OF COURSE.

>> THANKS.

YOU'RE AWESOME.

I--I--SURE.

>> YOU THINK YOU CAN HOLDYOUR SHIT TOGETHER LONG ENOUGH?

>> I GOT IT.

I CAN DO THIS.

>> GOOD, BECAUSE TONIGHTYOU'RE GONNA BE DOING IT LIVE

IN TOSH'S PIT,FORMERLY PIPER'S PIT.

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