Video Breakdown - Shovel Girl

  • Season 6, Ep 614
  • 05/20/2014
  • Views: 165,655
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A teenage girl puts a definitive end to a fight when she throws a shovel at her opponent's head. (2:41)

- [shouting indistinctly]

- OH, [bleep].

clang!

[audience exclaims]

- SEEMS LIKE THIS COULD HAVEALL BEEN WORKED OUT

OVER SOME CRACKER BARREL.

NOW LET'S DIG DEEP

INTO THE SHOVELHEARD ROUND THE WORLD

IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

[applause]

HERE'S WHAT WE KNOW:

THE GIRL IN THE PINK

IS AMERICA'S NEWEST SWEETHEART.

HER NAME IS MIRANDA,

AND SHE IS 16 YEARS OLD.

THEY CALL HER SHOVEL GIRL,

WHICH MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.

EMILY,THE 14-YEAR-OLD IN BLACK,

IS THE ONE WHO LANDEDTHE MOST ACCURATE THROW

A WOMAN'S EVER MADE.

SHE SHOULD BE CALLEDSHOVEL GIRL.

THE PEOPLE BATMAN KNOCKS OUTAREN'T CALLED BATMAN.

THE DEFENSE RESTS.

A LOT OF YOU WERE DEMANDINGTHAT WE GIVE THESE TWO

A WEB REDEMPTION,BUT THE ONE IN THE PINK

IS CURRENTLY SERVING A SENTENCEIN JUVIE

FOR A COMPLETELYDIFFERENT CRIME,

UH, SO THAT'S NOT HAPPENING.

- SO MANY RULES--IT'S LIKE HAVING SEX

WITH A PROSTITUTEFOR THE FIRST TIME.

BY THE WAY,THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER A BOY,

BECAUSE WHEN YOU LIVEIN THE STICKS OF OHIO,

ANY GUYTHAT ISN'T A BLOOD RELATIVE

IS WORTH KILLING FOR.

- [bleep] BITCH!

- I WONDER WHO'S WATCHINGTHEIR BABIES.

- ALL RIGHT. GET UP. GET UP.

GET UP, GUYS.

[indistinct chatter]

- GIRLS NEEDAT LEAST 15 MINUTES OF PRIMPING

FOR EVERY FIVE SECONDSOF FIGHTING.

DID YOU GUYS GETIN A FENDER BENDER?

STOP EXCHANGING INFOAND START PINCHING TITTIES.

- YOU KICKED MEIN THE STOMACH AGAIN!

IT'S ON NOW!

- BITCH THIS, BITCH THAT--

LEARN THE C-WORD ALREADY.

- YOU BETTER QUIT HITTING MEIN MY FACE, BITCH.

- THAT'S THE POINT!

IT'S A FIGHT!

- ALL RIGHT,SHE GOT YOU THERE.

- [shouting indistinctly]

- ALL RIGHT, IT'S CLEARTHERE'S NO FATHER FIGURE

IN HER LIFE,BECAUSE IF THERE WERE,

HE WOULD HAVE PUTHIS TOOLS AWAY.

- OH, [bleep].

clang!

- FIRST OF ALL, AMAZING TOSS.

THOSE HAVE A TENDENCYTO UNDER-ROTATE.

- OH, [bleep].

clang!

- IT'S NOT SURPRISINGHOW HOLLOW HER HEAD SOUNDS.

TECHNICALLY THAT'S ALLOWED

UNDERTHE "STAND YOUR GROUND" LAW.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO WHACK HERAGAIN TO BE SAFE,

THEN USE THE SHOVELTO BURY HER.

- WELL...

SHE DID GET ONE.

YOU JUST DON'T REMEMBER IT.

- [speaking indistinctly]

- YEAH, THERE WE GO.

- THAT'S WHY GIRLSALWAYS HAVE ONE FAT FRIEND--

TO CARRY THEM HOME.

AT LEAST THEY DIDN'T EMBARRASSTHE STATE OF OHIO

AS BADLYAS JOHNNY FOOTBALL WILL,

AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.

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