Extended Interview - Looking for a Girlfriend Guy's Web Redemption

  • Season 2, Ep 215
  • 07/07/2010
  • Views: 54,948
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Daniel Tosh helps a surprisingly single young man find true love. (6:49)

>> I SAW YOUR VIDEO,

IMMEDIATELY FELL IN LOVE.

NOT WITH YOU PERSONALLY,

BUT JUST THE VIDEO.

WHAT WAS THE RESPONSE FROM

PEOPLE AFTER THEY SAW THAT

VIDEO?

>> GOOD AND BAD.

SOME PEOPLE WERE JUST LIKE,

"OH, MAN, YOU ROCK," YOU KNOW,

AND OTHER PEOPLE WERE LIKE,

"YOU NEED TO GET A JOB."

YOU KNOW, LIKE, SOME OF 'EM JUST

REALLY PREACH TO ME, YOU KNOW.

>> SURE.

>> IT WAS--A LOT OF--

THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN,

YOU KNOW.

>> DID WOMEN REPLY TO THE VIDEO?

>> YEAH, THERE WAS ACTUALLY THIS

AMATEUR PORN STAR, YEAH, WHO

LIVED ABOUT A STATE AWAY,

AND SHE'S LIKE, "HEY, YOU SHOULD

COME VISIT ME, BUT YOU SHOULD

KNOW THERE'S, LIKE, 27 SPY CAMS

IN MY HOUSE, SO NOTHING WE DO

WILL BE PRIVATE."

I'M LIKE, "ALL RIGHT."

>> DID YOU GO?

>> NO, I ACTUALLY HAD SOME MONEY

TO DO IT, AND I KIND OF SMOKED A

BUNCH OF WEED.

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY WEED ON YOU

RIGHT NOW?

>> SOMEWHERE UP INSIDE MAYBE.

>> [laughs]

>> I BROUGHT IT ON THE PLANE.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO,

YOU KNOW, DISLODGE IT YET.

>> HOW OFTEN DO YOU SMOKE WEED?

>> WHENEVER I HAVE MONEY.

>> WHY DO YOU WEAR THE HAIR

STRAIGHT DOWN IN THE FRONT?

>> I DON'T--JUST TO LOOK SEXY.

>> WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF

SEXY?

>> I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

>> WHAT--AND SINCE?

>> I'VE GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT.

>> SO ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN,

RIGHT NOW, WHERE DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE AT?

>> I GIVE MYSELF A FIVE.

>> A FIVE?

>> YEAH.

>> OH, MAN.

>> I MEAN, IS IT BAD TO LOOK AT

ME?

ARE YOU LIKE, "NO"?

>> NO, NO, I'M SAYING YOU'RE

A SOLID SIX AND A HALF, SEVEN.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> WHERE WERE YOU IN HIGH

SCHOOL?

>> I WAS ABOUT AN EIGHT.

>> WHAT WOULD BE YOUR IDEAL

WOMAN?

>> OKAY, SHE'S GOT TO HAVE,

LIKE, BLACK HAIR--

STRAIGHT BLACK HAIR,

BLUE-GREY EYES, PALE SKIN,

ABOUT A "C" CUP, AND AN ASS THAT

MOVES THE RIGHT WAY.

>> OKAY.

HOW TALL IS SHE?

>> A LITTLE SHORTER THAN ME.

>> OKAY.

HOW MUCH DOES SHE WEIGH?

>> I WOULD SAY ANYWHERE FROM,

LIKE, 110 TO, LIKE,

135 AT THE MOST.

>> AT THE MOST, OKAY.

>> I'VE KNOWN CHICKS THAT LOOK

DAMN SEXY AT 135.

>> BUT NOT MANY.

>> RIGHT.

>> HAVE YOU EVER HAD YOUR HEART

BROKEN?

>> YEAH.

>> HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU

TO GET OVER IT?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S KIND OF A--KIND OF LIKE

ALMOST LIKE GOING INTO SHOCK

KIND OF, LIKE, FROM PAIN,

YOU KNOW.

SO YOU JUST KIND OF BECOME DEAD

TO IT PRETTY QUICKLY.

>> DO YOU THINK YOU'LL EVER HAVE

YOUR HEART BROKEN AGAIN?

>> NO.

>> NO?

>> NO.

>> SO HOW DID PEOPLE ACTUALLY

CONTACT YOU WHEN YOU JUST PUT A

VIDEO ON YOUTUBE?

>> COMMENTS, PRIVATE MESSAGES.

USUALLY THEY'RE, LIKE,

IN OTHER STATES OR COUNTRIES,

SO THERE'S NOT MUCH I CAN DO

ABOUT IT.

>> ARE YOU SINGLE RIGHT NOW?

>> KIND OF.

IF YOU COUNT LONG-DISTANCE

RELATIONSHIPS, THEN NO.

>> I DON'T.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF THE AREA

CODE IS--

>> ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF THE DAMN

COUNTRY.

>> OUTSIDE OF THE COUNTRY.

>> YEAH.

>> YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND OUTSIDE

OF THE COUNTRY.

>> YEAH, IN ENGLAND.

>> OH, YEAH?

>> YEAH.

>> HOW DID YOU MEET HER?

>> SHE FOUND ME AND SHE KIND OF

HAD, LIKE--SHE WAS LIKE,

"I'M STALKING YOU,"

AND I'M LIKE, "COOL."

I'VE GOT STALKERS, YOU KNOW.

>> IT'S KIND OF--IT'S OKAY WHEN

YOU'RE A MAN AND YOU HAVE

A FEMALE STALKER.

>> EXACTLY.

>> THE OTHER WAY AROUND TENDS TO

BE A LITTLE CREEPY.

>> YEAH.

>> HAS ANYBODY EVER CALLED YOU

CREEPY BEFORE?

>> YEAH.

>> DO YOU THINK YOU ACT CREEPY?

>> NOT REALLY.

>> ARE YOU A VIRGIN?

>> NO.

>> WHEN DID YOU LOSE YOUR

VIRGINITY?

>> WHEN I WAS, LIKE, 18,

OR SOMETIME LATE.

>> OKAY, WELL, I DON'T CONSIDER

THAT LATE.

I'D CONSIDER THAT THE PERFECT

TIME.

>> RIGHT.

>> I DIDN'T GET HAIR ON MY PUBES

UNTIL I WAS 16.

>> HMM.

>> THEN I SHAVED 'EM OFF AT 17.

TRUE STORIES.

WHEN YOU MEASURE YOUR DICK,

IS IT FLACCID OR ERECT AT 6

INCHES?

>> ERECT.

>> WHERE DO YOU MEASURE FROM?

I GO FROM MY BUTTHOLE.

>> [laughs]

YEAH, WELL, THAT'S--

THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD, YOU KNOW--

>> STARTING POINT?

>> YEAH.

>> OR FINISHING POINT.

6 INCH ERECT.

THAT'S A PERFECT, EVEN NUMBER.

>> RIGHT.

>> BECAUSE I SAY THAT I'M 6'4",

BUT REALLY I'M 6'3 1/2".

>> MM-HMM.

>> SO IS YOUR PENIS 6 INCHES,

OR IS IT 5 3/4?

>> IT'S, LIKE, A LITTLE BIT OVER

6 INCHES.

>> OVER 6 INCHES.

>> YEAH.

>> YOU UNDERSOLD IT.

>> WELL--

>> GIVE THE GIRLS A LITTLE

1/4 INCH TO TAKE HOME.

>> A LITTLE SURPRISE.

A LITTLE SURPRISE.

>> THAT'S NICE.

THAT IS NICE OF YOU.

YOU TALKED ABOUT BIPOLAR AND--

>> AND SCHIZOPHRENIA.

>> AND SCHIZOPHRENIA.

>> WHICH IS ACTUALLY A--

>> IS IT SELF-DIAGNOSED,

OR ARE YOU REALLY?

>> I'M VERY DIAGNOSED.

>> OH, YEAH.

YEAH, OKAY.

SO DO YOU TAKE MEDICATION

FOR THAT?

>> YEAH.

>> AND HOW'S THAT WORKING?

>> VERY WELL.

>> YEAH?

>> BUT NOT AS WELL AS JUST

KEEPING A CLEAR MIND, YOU KNOW?

>> GOTCHA.

>> WHEN IS YOUR UNCLE GOING

TO DIE?

>> HE'S REALLY HEALTHY,

AND HE HAS ENOUGH MONEY TO BE

KEPT ALIVE IN A ROBOT BODY

FOR AGES.

>> DO YOU HAVE A JOB?

>> NO, I HAVE NOT BEEN EMPLOYED

SINCE 2006.

>> AND WHAT JOB DID YOU HAVE

THEN?

>> I WORKED AT A GAS STATION.

>> UH-HUH.

SEEMS ABOUT RIGHT.

[laughter]

WHAT WOULD BE YOUR IDEAL JOB?

>> PORTER AT A BAR.

>> OKAY, THAT SEEMS VERY

OBTAINABLE.

>> YEAH.

>> HAVE YOU EVER FILLED OUT

AN APPLICATION?

>> THE ONE I CAN WALK TO

HAS NO PORTER--

WELL, THE OWNER'S KIND OF

THE PORTER.

BUT MY UNCLE'S A PORTER AT

A BAR, AND HE SAYS IF HE EVER

GETS ANOTHER JOB, HE'LL GIVE ME

HIS OLD JOB.

>> IS THIS THE RICH UNCLE?

>> NO.

>> OH, I WAS GONNA SAY,

APPARENTLY THAT PAID BETTER

THAN I THOUGHT.

>> YEAH.

>> DO YOU LIVE AT HOME

CURRENTLY?

>> YES.

>> HOW MUCH LONGER DO YOU PLAN

ON LIVING AT HOME?

>> UNTIL MY PARENTS DIE,

AND PROBABLY A FEW DAYS AFTER

THAT.

>> AND THEN YOU'LL LEAVE?

>> WELL, I'LL HAVE NO CHOICE.

>> DO YOU DRIVE?

>> NO.

>> DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S

LICENSE?

>> NO.

>> HAVE YOU EVER--HAVE YOU EVER

TAKEN THE TEST?

>> YEAH, WELL, I HAD MY PERMIT

WHEN I WAS, LIKE, 14.

>> UH-HUH, AND THEN JUST, NO?

>> THEY SAID, "YOU WANT A CAR,

YOU CAN GET A JOB,"

AND I'M LIKE,

"WELL, I CAN WALK."

>> DO YOU HAVE GREAT CALVES?

>> YEAH, I DO.

WANT TO FEEL 'EM?

>> I'D LOVE TO.

OH, THOSE ARE--ACTUALLY NOT BAD.

PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

GOT SOME STRONG CALVES.

WHAT CELEBRITIES ARE IN YOUR TOP

FIVE THAT YOU'D WANT TO HAVE SEX

WITH?

>> JENNIFER ANISTON, BUT SHE'S

KIND OF OLD NOW.

>> REALLY OLD.

>> REALLY OLD.

>> SEEMS LIKE SHE CAN'T HOLD

DOWN A MAN EITHER.

>> KATY PERRY'S HOT.

>> KATY PERRY.

>> AGAIN, YOU KNOW, WITH MY

PREFERENCES AND ALL.

>> YES.

A LITTLE--LITTLE ON THE CUCKOO

SIDE, I WOULD ASSUME.

>> PERFECT.

>> OKAY.

DO YOU THINK BEING ON TV WILL

HELP YOU GET GIRLS?

>> NO.

>> NO?

>> I THINK THAT MIGHT DETER ME

A LITTLE BIT.

>> WHY DO YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND?

THEY'RE TERRIBLE.

>> 'CAUSE I NEED SOMEBODY TO

WHIP ME INTO SHAPE.

>> WHAT WOULD BE YOUR PERFECT

DATE?

>> GO TO A MOVIE, GO TO DINNER,

AND THEN SIT AROUND ALL NIGHT

AND GET STONED AND HAVE GREAT

SEX.

>> MAN.

SIGN ME UP.

NOT--NOT--

NOT WITH YOU, BUT--

SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL EVENING.

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