Extended Interview - Taxi Dave's Web Redemption - Uncensored

  • Season 4, Ep 28
  • 11/20/2012
  • Views: 53,642
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Daniel gets down to the nuts and bolts of the taxi business with Taxi Dave. (5:11)

>> TAXI DAVE.

>> DANIEL.

>> [chuckles]

>> I THOUGHT YOU WERE A

FOREIGNER.

HOW ARE YOU?

>> OH, GOOD, MAN.

HOW ARE YOU?

>> YOU TRY TO RESET THAT METER,

AND I WILL GUT YOU, OLD WOMAN.

>> DANIEL, SHE OKAY?

>> NO, THAT'S NOT GOOD.

TEN BUCKS, YOU CAN WATCH ME

FINGER HER.

I'M KIDDING.

HELP ME GET HER PURSE.

IS TAXI DAVE YOUR REAL NAME?

>> MY NAME'S DAVE.

>> HOW LONG YOU BEEN GOING BY

TAXI DAVE?

>> PROBABLY ABOUT 3 1/2 YEARS.

MY CUSTOMER'S KINDA NAMED ME

THAT.

>> HOW LONG YOU BEEN DRIVING A

CAB?

>> UH, FOUR YEARS.

>> YOU EVER BEEN SHOT?

>> NO, BUT SOMEBODY PULLED A

KNIFE.

>> YOU EVER SEEN SOMEBODY HAVING

SEX IN THE BACK OF YOUR CAB?

>> DOESN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE WHEN

THEY START, I ALWAYS TELL 'EM,

"IF YOU DO THAT, YOU HAVE TO

SHARE."

>> BUT YOU DON'T CARE WHICH ONE?

>> [laughs]

>> AS LONG AS YOU GET IN ON THE

ACTION.

>> WHAT'S YOUR NORMAL SHIFT?

>> UM, USUALLY WORK FROM

8:00 P.M TO 4:00 IN THE MORNING,

SO I CATER TO BARS, NIGHTCLUBS,

HOTELS, AND RESTAURANTS IN

DOWNTOWN SACRAMENTO.

>> YOU A FAN OF SACRAMENTO AS A

CITY?

>> YES.

>> BEST CITY IN CALIFORNIA?

>> IT'S UP AND COMING.

>> YOU GIVE A FLAT RATE FROM THE

AIRPORT TO ANY DOWNTOWN HOTEL?

>> UH, NO.

>> WHAT'S THAT NORMALLY RUN YOU?

>> ABOUT $35, $40.

>> WHAT'S A GOOD TIP ON THAT?

>> USUALLY WITH ME, BECAUSE I

PROVIDE ENTERTAINMENT ALONG WITH

THE RIDE, WITH RAPPING, SINGING,

JUST PLAYING MUSIC THAT THEY

LIKE--IT'S LIKE KARAOKE, HAVING

A GOOD TIME--IT'S A PARTY CAB.

>> I WOULD LITERALLY JUMP OUT OF

THE BACK OF YOUR CAB ON THE

HIGHWAY IF YOU WERE RAPPING

DURING OUR DRIVE.

OKAY, I JUMP IN THE BACK OF YOUR

CAB.

IF YOU'RE JUST EYEBALLING ME,

WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU THINK

YOU'RE GONNA PLAY?

>> PLAY SOME JOURNEY.

PROBABLY SOME QUIET RIOT.

>> OH, MAN.

>> AND SOME QUEEN.

>> NO, YOU'RE OFF.

>> ALL RIGHT.

LOOKS LIKE TRAFFIC IS MOVING.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

YOU OLD, DUMB CUNT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YEAH.

OH.

SO HOW LONG YOU THINK YOU'RE

GONNA KEEP DRIVING A CAB?

>> I ACTUALLY WANT TO WORK MY

WAY OUT OF THAT BUSINESS.

>> GET INTO WHAT?

>> I LIKE TO BECOME THE NEW

"WEIRD" AL YANKOVIC.

>> SO YOU WANT TO GET INTO SHOW

BUSINESS?

>> SURE.

>> I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD EVER

GIVE UP DRIVING.

IT'S WHO I AM.

I'M TAXI DAN.

DO YOU SHARE YOUR CAB WITH ONE

OTHER DRIVER?

>> NO, I KEEP MY CAB 24/7.

>> OKAY, SO YOU'RE NOT EVEN

REGISTERED.

>> NO, I'M SELF-EMPLOYED, BUT I

HAVE A LICENSE WITH THE CITY.

>> THIS IS COMPLETELY ILLEGAL.

YOU JUST PAINTED YOUR CAR

YELLOW.

>> [laughs]

NO, IT'S ALL LEGAL.

>> YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF A T-SHIRT

AND A GALLON OF YELLOW PAINT,

AND YOU'VE BEEN RUNNING AMOK IN

SACRAMENTO.

WHAT'S IT COST TO RENT YOUR CAB

A WEEK?

>> I DON'T GO INTO THAT.

>> I WANT TO GET TO THE NUTS AND

BOLTS OF THIS BUSINESS.

I WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU'RE

PULLING IN.

>> I WANT THE I.R.S. TO TAKE A

LOOK AT YOU.

MAYBE SHUT DOWN THIS WHOLE TAXI

DAVE SHOW BUSINESS THING.

ANYBODY EVER TRY TO JUMP OUT OF

YOUR CAB AND JUST RUN AND NOT

PAY?

>> YES, IT PROBABLY HAPPENS

ABOUT TWO OR THREE TIMES A YEAR.

>> DO YOU CHASE 'EM OR NO?

>> NO, IT'S NOT WORTH MY TIME.

I CAN MOVE ON TO ANOTHER FARE

AND TAKE CARE OF 'EM.

>> WHAT'S YOUR CRAZIEST CAB

STORY?

>> I WAS PARKED IN FRONT OF THE

GAY BARS, AND I GOT OUT OF MY

CAB, AND I TALKED TO A SECURITY

GUARD FOR A SECOND.

WHEN I CAME BACK TO MY CAB,

THERE WAS TWO PEOPLE WHO HELPED

THEMSELVES IN MY CAB.

AND AS I WAS APPROACHING, I WAS

SIZING IT UP, THE SITUATION,

AND THE GUY BEHIND ME HAD HIS

PANTS OFF--COMPLETELY NAKED--

AND SO--

>> THE GUY BEHIND YOU HAS GOT

HIS PANTS OFF.

>> CORRECT.

>> YOU'RE AT A GAY BAR.

>> YES.

>> YOU HAVE A MUSTACHE AT THE

TIME?

>> YES.

>> OKAY, GOOD.

>> SO I GET IN THE CAB, AND

FORTUNATELY, THE OTHER GUY SAVED

ME.

HE GOES, "YOU KNOW, I DON'T

NORMALLY DO THIS ON THE FIRST

DATE,

BUT ME AND THE CAB DRIVER WOULD

APPRECIATE IT IF YOU PUT YOUR

PANTS BACK ON.

I TURN AROUND AND SAID, "YES,

PLEASE."

>> WELL, THAT'S NICE.

THAT STORY HAS A HAPPY ENDING.

IF SOMEBODY WANTS TO STOP AND

GET FOOD, IF THEY'RE AT A DRIVE

THROUGH LATE AT NIGHT, IS IT

POLITE TO BUY YOU SOMETHING AS

WELL?

>> I DON'T EXPECT IT, BUT SOME

HAVE OFFERED, AND IT DEPENDS ON

MY MOOD.

SOMETIMES I'LL SAY, "THANK YOU,

BUT NO THANK YOU.

I'VE GOT A SANDWICH IN THE

TRUNK."

>> WHY DO YOU KEEP YOUR SANDWICH

IN THE TRUNK?

>> BECAUSE I'VE GOT A COOLER IN

THEIR TO KEEP IT COOL.

>> MM-KAY.

BEST STRIP CLUB IN SACRAMENTO?

>> UH, CENTERFOLDS.

>> CENTERFOLDS.

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.

THEY SHOW FULL BUSH?

>> YES.

>> OH, NICE.

DO YOU ENJOY RAPPING?

>> IT'S FUN.

I ENJOY IT, YEAH.

>> DO PEOPLE RECOGNIZE YOU NOW

FROM THESE VIDEOS?

>> YES, THEY DO.

>> YOU EVER TAKE ANY

POLITICIANS OUT TO A WHORE

HOUSE?

>> WHAT HAPPENS IN THE CAB,

STAYS IN THE CAB, MY FRIEND.

IS THAT A REAL RULE?

>> YES, IT IS.

>> HUH.

YOU EVER MASTURBATE IN YOUR CAB?

>> WHAT HAPPENS IN THE CAB,

STAYS IN THE CAB.

>> NICE!

THAT'S A YES.

>> [chuckles]

>> YOU EVER GET GAS WITH A

CUSTOMER IN THE CAB?

>> IT'S USUALLY THE OTHER WAY

AROUND.

THE CUSTOMERS GET GAS,

AND THEY'RE BURPING.

IT'S FUNNY WATCHING CHICKS BURP.

THEY'RE THE WORST.

[roars]

[laughing]

>> YOU EVER ACCEPTED SEXUAL

FAVORS FROM A PASSENGER

IN LIEU OF A TIP?

>> NO, BUT I HAVE A STORY OF THE

DRUNK GIRL.

I WAS AT A LIGHT, PLAYING

SWEET CHILD O' MINE,

AND SHE CROSSES THE STREET.

SHE JUST STARTED TAKING HER

CLOTHES OFF, AND SHE FLIPPED UP

HER TA-TAS, AND SHE JUST SHOOK

'EM, AND THEN SHE WALKED ACROSS

THE STREET.

IT WAS FUNNY.

>> PHEW!

SACRAMENTO.

IF I KNOW VIRAL MARKETING AD

CAMPAIGNS LIKE I THINK I KNOW

VIRAL MARKETING AD CAMPAIGNS,

YOU'RE NO WIZ KHALIFA.

YOU'RE AN O.G.

NEED SOMETHING WITH A LITTLE

FLAVOR.

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