Web Chat - Hickey Kid - Uncensored

  • Season 5, Ep 13
  • 04/30/2013
  • Views: 104,719
0 comments

These kids need some adult supervision, and Daniel's going to be that adult. (3:33)

- ALL YOU DUMB, WRETCHED,JEALOUS HOES ON TWITTER

WHO DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO TAGME IN THEIR FUCKING TWEETS,

YOU CAN JUST FUCK YOURSELFBECAUSE YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS

THAT ALL THREE OF THESE BITCHESGAVE ME ALL OF THESE

AND YOU ARE JUST STUCKTO YOUR FUCKING RIGHT HAND

AT YOUR FUCKING COMPUTER.

YOU'RE JUST MAD BECAUSE I HAVEHICKEYS AND YOU HAVE STDs.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.THAT'S WHAT IT IS, GUYS.

THEY HAVE STDsINSTEAD OF HICKEYS.

I'M THE HICKEY COLLECTORAND YOU'RE THE AIDS COLLECTOR,

SO KEEP COLLECTING, HOES,'CAUSE WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK,

AND YOUR SHIT DON'T FAZE US.

- YEAH, HATERS.WHO LOOKS DUMB NOW?

[laughter]

CLEARLY THOSE KIDS NEEDSOME ADULT SUPERVISION,

AND IT'S A SAD DAY IN AMERICAWHEN IT HAS TO COME FROM ME.

SO PLEASE,HELP ME WELCOME JAKE.

[cheers and applause]

HEY, BUDDY.

- THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

- HEY, JAKE,HOW OLD ARE YOU?

- 15, TURNING 16.

- SO HOW LONG HAVE YOUBEEN COLLECTING HICKEYS?

- THAT WAS MY SECOND TIMEGETTING HICKEYS, LIKE, ACTUALLY,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY THERE WERESO MANY OR THEY WERE SO BIG.

- HOW LONG WERE THOSE BITCHESSUCKING ON YOUR NECK?

AND WHEN I SAY "BITCHES,"I'M QUOTING YOU.

THEY SEEMED LIKENICE YOUNG LADIES TO ME.

- 20 MINUTES OF THEMHOLDING ME DOWN TO THE COUCH.

- OH, SO THAT WASN'TVOLUNTARY?

ARE YOU CONSIDERING CHARGINGTHEM WITH SEXUAL ASSAULT?

- I'M NOT TRYINGTO GET THEM BOOKED

FOR ANY SEXUAL CRIMESHERE.

- THAT'S WHATTHEY WANT YOU TO DO.

DON'T BE A SILENT VICTIM.

HEY, WHAT'S THE BEST PLACETO GET HICKEYS?

- IN MY BASEMENT.

[laughter]

- YOU'RE PROUD OF YOURSELF,AREN'T YOU?

HEY, WHAT DIDYOUR SINGLE MOM SAY

WHEN SHE SAWALL THOSE HICKEYS?

- MY MOM IS NOT SINGLE.SHE'S MARRIED.

SHE ALMOST SLAPPED MEFOR THE VIDEO.

- GOOD. DID SHE MAKE YOUCOVER 'EM UP?

- YEAH, MY MOM DID, 'CAUSE I HADTO GO TO MY GRANDMA'S HOUSE.

- SO, WHAT'D EVERYONEAT SCHOOL THINK?

- OH, MY GOD.

I ALSO GOT KICKED OUT OF SCHOOLBECAUSE OF THE VIDEO.

- FOR HOW LONG?- EVER!

- SOUNDS A BIT HARSH.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO YOUWANT TO BE IF YOU GROW UP?

- II GROW UP?UM, I DON'T KNOW.

AT FIRST, I WANTED TO BE, LIKE,A MARINE BIOLOGIST

OR A MARINE PHOTOGRAPHER,BUT, LIKE, I'M NOT SURE.

I'VE STILL GOTA LOT OF YEARS.

- ALL RIGHT, JAKE.

I WANTED TO HATE YOU,BUT YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD KID.

ALL RIGHT,ONE LAST QUESTION.

YOUR ACCENT'S A LITTLE WEIRD.WHAT STATE ARE YOU IN?

- I'M NOT IN THE UNITED STATES.I'M IN CANADA.

[laughter]

- THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

YOU PROBABLY JUST HAD MAPLESYRUP COMING OUT OF YOUR PORES.

ALL RIGHT,ENJOY THE NHL PLAYOFFS.

I GOT A SHOW TO DO.SEE YOU LATER, JAKE.

- BYE.

- BYE.

IN A COUPLE YEARS, HE WOULD BETHE PERFECT CONTESTANT

FOR MY NEW GAME SHOW, VACUUM HICKEYS,

BROUGHT TO YOU BY DYSON.

OUR FIRST CONTESTANTIS TAYLOR.

YOU KNOW THE RULES--TWO WHEELS.

ONE FOR BODY LOCATION

AND ONE FOR THE AMOUNT OF TIMEYOU WILL BE GETTING SUCKED.

MAKE SURE THE WHEELS GOALL THE WAY AROUND,

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENSIF THEY DON'T--

WE--all: BANG YOUR SISTER!

- THAT'S RIGHT. WE BANGYOUR SISTER, CONSENSUALLY.

OOH! FIVE MINUTESTO THE MOUTH. BRUTAL.

[vacuum suctioning]

[laughter]

HE LATER DIEDFROM A BLOOD CLOT.

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