CeWEBrity Profile - Sex Doll Repairman

Season 8 , Ep 18 Views: 845

Daniel learns the rules of the trade from a man who used to fix broken sex dolls, and the two deal with a deluge of victims at a special hospital. (8:33)

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MALE NARRATOR: REALDOLL EXPERT SLADE FIERO

HAS BEEN REPAIRING DOLLS FOR TEN YEARS

FROM HIS HOME IN CALIFORNIA.

- SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I DO ARE MINOR--

SMALL CUTS, REPLACE TEETH,

REPLACE THE VAGINA LIPS.

LOOKS DESTROYED TO ME.

[BLEEP].

AND I'M RUNNING OUT OF VAGINAS.

WHEN THAT DOLLS SHOWS UP HERE IN A CRATE,

I HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY OF AN OBJECT

THAT SOMEBODY SPENT A LOT OF TIME, EFFORT, AND MONEY TO GET,

AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT IT'S CARED FOR PROPERLY.

SHE DOESN'T LOOK BAD AT ALL.

SHE'S FINE.

SHE'S PRETTY TOO.

- NO WOMAN I'VE EVER BANGED

NEEDED TO BE REPAIRED...

PHYSICALLY.

EMOTIONALLY,PROBABLY ALL OF THEM.

THAT MANNEQUIN GYNO IS SLADE,

AND HE'S THE UNSUNG HEROOF THE SEX DOLL INDUSTRY.

HE DOES THINGSTHE MAYTAG MAN REFUSES TO.

HE FIXES TOP-OF-THE-LINESEX TOYS CALLED REALDOLLS,

WHICH ARE DESIGNED TO ACCURATELYSIMULATE THE EXPERIENCE

OF MAKING LOVE TO A WOMANWITH LOU GEHRIG'S DISEASE.

PURCHASING A SEX DOLL IS SIMPLE.

ORDER ONLINEUSING A BOGUS EMAIL,

WAIT FOR AN ENORMOUS CRATETO ARRIVE ON YOUR DOORSTEP,

TELL YOUR NEIGHBORSIT'S A GRANDFATHER CLOCK,

AND THEN GO INSIDE AND PULLYOUR SHADES DOWN FOREVER.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

MALE SEX DOLLS CAN FITIN MY MOM'S NIGHTSTAND DRAWER.

I'VE ONLY HAD SEX WITH A DOLLONE TIME.

IT WAS BACK IN THE '80S WITHA DEPARTMENT STORE MANNEQUIN

THAT WAS BROUGHT TO LIFEBY AN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN SPELL.

THE REALITY IS,

IF YOU THRUST HARD ENOUGH,

ANY DOLL IS A SEX DOLL.

SURE, OWNING ONE SEEMS SAD,

BUT IT COSTS LESSTHAN A WEDDING

AND IS SAFERTHAN A TRIP TO THAILAND.

EVERY RELATIONSHIPNEEDS A LITTLE WORK.

THAT'S WHY I HAD MY OWNERSHIP ME TO SLADE'S CREEPY GARAGE

FOR THIS WEEK'SCE-WEB-RITY PROFILE.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

[BOX CRASHING]

- KNOCK, KNOCK.

HDS, SIR.HOW ARE YOU THIS AFTERNOON?

ALL RIGHTY, THEN.

GOT A PACKAGE FOR YOU.

- IT SOUNDS BROKEN.

- MOST LIKELY, SIR.

BET IT WAS SOMETHING NICE,THOUGH.

[LAUGHS]

[GIBBERING]

- WOW, YOU'RE BETTERTHAN I EXPECTED.

YOU'RE IN GOOD SHAPE.

AND YOU'RE PRETTY TOO.

- WAIT TILL YOU SEEMY BUTTHOLE, DOC.

IT'S LIKE AN M-80WENT OFF BACK THERE.

- FIRST THING WE NEED TO DOIS A BLACK LIGHT TEST.

EW!

- DID YOU FIND ANYTHING?- NOPE.

- YOU SURE?- YUP.

- SLADE, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

THAT'S A GOOD NAME.

- IT'S A FAMILY NAME.

- IT'S A GOOD FAMILY NAME.SLADE.

HOW LONG WERE YOUREPAIRING DOLLS?

- OH, MAN, ALMOST TEN.

- TEN YEARS?- ALMOST TEN.

- THAT'S A LOT OF SEMEN.

TELL ME HOW YOU GOTINTO THAT PROFESSION.

- I'M AN ARTIST,ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

- UH-HUH.

- I WANTED A MANNEQUIN,

A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN MANNEQUIN

THAT YOU'D SEEAT NEIMAN MARCUS

WITH SOME WICKEDEVENING GOWN DRESS,

SEQUINS OR SOME--BEAUTIFUL DRESS.

- TO DATE?- NO.

- OH, JUST AS AN ART--

- JUST TO HANG OUT IN MY HOUSE,MAN, JUST--

- JUST AN ART PIECE.- YES.

SO I DID A BUNCH OF RESEARCHON THE WEB,

AND I FOUND A REALDOLL.

I FOUND REFERENCE TO ITFROM HOWARD STERN.

HE HAD ONE IN HIS STUDIO.

THEN I WENT TO EBAY,AND I FOUND A USED ONE.

- WELL, WHAT--MAY I ASK,WHAT DOES IT GO FOR?

- I GOT IT FOR, LIKE,3,500 BUCKS.

- WHAT DO THEY GO FORBRAND-NEW?

- 6 GRAND.

- 6 GRAND NOT [BLEEP] IN;

3,500--DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL.

- USED.- OKAY.

- SO I SPENT SOME TIMEAND FIXED THIS THING UP.

- GAVE HER A MAKEOVER.- OH, MY GOD.

SHE WAS BEAUTIFULBY THE TIME I WAS DONE.

- UH-HUH.

- I TURNED AROUND,AND I SOLD THE THING

BACK ON EBAY, AND I MADEA COUPLE THOUSAND BUCKS.

THIS COMPANY STARTED SENDINGREFERRALS TO ME

FOR BUYING OTHER DOLLS,

AND THEN IT TURNEDINTO A BUSINESS.

- YOU'RE FLIPPING DOLLSAT THIS POINT.

- OH, MAN, IT STARTED COMINGBIG-TIME.

- AND THEN WHAT SHUT IT DOWN?

- THE ECONOMY.

2008, BOTTOM FELL OUT.

6,000 BUCKS FOR A LUXURY ITEM,YOU KNOW.

- DID YOU EVER REPAIRANY MALE SEX DOLLS?

- DIDN'T HAVETO REPAIR THEM, NO.

- IS THERE SUCH A THING?- THERE IS.

- WHAT ABOUT SEX DOLLS WITH BOTHMALE AND FEMALE GENITALIA?

- THOSE ARE CUSTOMSPECIFIC ORDERS,

AND THERE HAVE BEENA FEW, YES.

- IS IT A WASTE OF TIMETO GO DOWN ON A SEX DOLL?

- YES.

- ABOUT HOW LONG SHOULD YOUSPEND DOWN THERE?

- NONE.

- WHAT DOES IT COST TO SHIPONE OF THESE DOLLS?

- 500 OR 600 BUCKS.

- OH, GOD, SO MUCH MONEY.

SO MUCH--WHY DON'T PEOPLEJUST MASTURBATE?

WHAT DO THEY WEIGH?

- ANYWHERE FROM 100 POUNDSTO 130 OR MORE.

IT'S LIKE PICKING UPA DEAD PERSON.

THEIR ARMS DON'T WORK.THEIR LEGS DON'T WORK.

AND YOU'RE JUST PICKING UPTHIS DEADWEIGHT

THAT JUST HANGSHOWEVER IT WANTS TO HANG.

- YOU EVER PICK UPA DEAD PERSON?

DON'T ANSWER.

WAS THERE EVER A SEX DOLLTHAT WAS JUST BEYOND REPAIR?

- I HAD A CHINESE MANFROM BERKELEY BRING ME A DOLL...

- UH-HUH.

- AND HE HAD LITERALLY

[BLEEP] THE LEG OFF OF IT.

- HOW DID YOU NOT JUDGETHESE PEOPLE?

- I DID HAVE SOME JUDGMENTABOUT HIM.

HE BROUGHT HIS DOLL TO ME TWICE,

AND AFTER HE BROUGHT IT TO METHE SECOND TIME,

I TOLD HIM TO NOT EVERBRING IT BACK AGAIN.

I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HIMANYMORE.

- HOW COME YOU DON'T WEAR GLOVES?

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT, LIKE,

WHAT YOU'RE TOUCHING?

- MOST OF THE TIME, NOT.

- DO YOU GIVE THEMA BIG SCRUB-DOWN OR NO?

- YEAH, A TURKEY BASTERFULL OF ACETONE INSIDE THE DOLL

AND GIVE IT A GOODCOUPLE OF SQUISHES,

AND THERE'S NOTHING ORGANIC LEFTINSIDE THAT CANAL.

- ARE ALL HOLES IN PLAY ON THEM?- YEAH.

- DO THE BUTTHOLEAND VAGINA HOLE CONNECT,

OR ARE THEY SEPARATE POUCHES?

- NO, THEY'RE SEPARATE POUCHES.- OKAY.

- THERE'S A LITTLE THIN WALLJUST LIKE IN A NORMAL WOMAN.

- UH-HUH.

DID YOU EVER FIND ANYTHINGINSIDE OF THEM

BESIDES THE HORRIBLE STUFF?

- A TRUCK.- YOU FOUND A TOY TRUCK?

- YEAH.- THAT'S PRETTY NEAT.

WHERE WAS THAT?

- I THINK IT WAS IN ONEOF HER CANALS SOMEWHERE.

- YOU EVER TAKE THEMFOR A JOYRIDE?

YOU KNOW I HAVE TO ASK.

- AND HERE'S THE STORY, MAN.

I HAD SOME FRIENDS OVERONE NIGHT.

WE HAD A COUPLE DRINKS,DOING WHATEVER, YOU KNOW.

EVERYBODY LEAVES. IT'S 11:00.- UH-HUH.

- SO I'M WALKING THROUGHTHE HOUSE, AND I LOOK OVER,

AND, LIKE, HERE'S THIS WOMANWITH HER TITS UP,

NAKED ON THE BED.

I'M LIKE, "REALLY--YOU KNOW, WHY NOT?"

SO, MAN, I LUBE HER UP,I DO THE THING,

AND I [BLEEP] THIS GIRLEVERY WAY I CAN.

AND THEN THE NEXT DAY,I GET UP.

I CALLED MY MOM.

"MOM, MOM, MOM,I [BLEEP] A DOLL!"

I CALLED MY SISTER.I CALLED MY FRIENDS.

I WAS LIKE,"I [BLEEP] A DOLL!"

- YOU'RE ON THE PHONE SO MUCH.

- OH, I TOLD EVERYBODY.IT WAS A GAS.

- WHAT DID YOUR MOM SAYTO THAT CALL?

- EVERYBODY LAUGHED HARD.

- HOW'D IT FEEL?

- INCREDIBLE.- OH.

- YOU'RE BANGING AROUNDA 100-POUND SOMETHING

THAT'S, LIKE, HITTING YOUIN THE HIPS

THAT WEIGHS 100 POUNDS.

YOU COULD PUT HER LEGSRIGHT UP THERE TO HER ARMPITS.

YOU KNOW, HAS POSEABILITY.

I MEAN, IT WAS JUST INSANE.

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL.- OH, YEAH.

- LISTEN, DOC,I KNOW YOU'RE RETIRED,

BUT I CAN'T SAVETHESE [BLEEP] DUMPSTERS ALONE.

I NEED YOU TO COME WORKAT MY SEX DOLL HOSPITAL.

- FOR HOW LONG?

- DAY.

- OKAY, MAN, I COULD DO THAT.

- TWO DAYS, TOPS.

- ALL RIGHT, MAN.ALL RIGHT.

- A WEEK.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SIREN WAILING]

THIS IS IT, PEOPLE,

THE DAY WE'VE TRAINED FOR.

SET UP A TRIAGE STATION.

GET ME THE TURKEY BASTERS.

- WHAT'S GOING ON, MCCORNY?

- COMIC-CON, MCCREEPY.

EVERY NERD FROM HERETO CHATTANOOGA

IS IN TOWNFOR THE SEX DOLLS.

- UGH, IT'S OUR 9/11.

LET'S GET TO WORK!

- YOU HEARD HIM!

[GROANS]

THERE YOU GO.THERE YOU GO.

NURSE. NURSE!

LOOK ALIVE!

- EVERYBODY JUSTSTAY CALM.

- DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TOTO SAVE HER,

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

- WE'RE ALL ONTHE SAME TEAM HERE.

JUST STARE AT THE CEILING

WITH YOUR MOUTH OPENAND YOUR LEGS SPREAD

IF YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME.

I KNEW IT.

[SQUELCHING]

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

- SIR, HOW OLD IS THIS DOLL?

- UH, IT--

- I'M NOT SURE IT'S ILLEGAL,

JUST WEIRD.

SHE'S FLATLINING.

- FIGHT, GOD DAMN IT!

[SQUELCHING]

- GONNA NEED ANOTHER BUCKET,NURSE.

UGH.

THIS NEVER GETSANY EASIER.

- SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT.

YOUR DOLL IS DEAD.

- I CAN STILL [BLEEP] HER,RIGHT?

I'M INTO THAT.

- YEAH, YEAH, YOU CAN.

WE HERE AT, UH,AGOURA HILLS SEX DOLL

PRESBYTERIANURGENT CARE HOSPITAL

LEARN NOT TO JUDGE.

I'M SURE A LOT OF YOU THINKYOU WOULD NEVER STOOP SO LOW,

BUT WE HAD SEVERAL

OF THOSE DOLLSAROUND THE OFFICE,

AND I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY

THAT A COUPLE PEOPLE THATWORK HERE GOT TO THIRD BASE.

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