Web Redemption - Banned From Walmart

  • Season 6, Ep 612
  • 05/06/2014
  • Views: 65,172
0 comments

A Walmart shopper slapped with a lifetime ban for trying to use the store's ad matching policy competes for prizes on "The Cost Is Correct." (7:47)

- WHAT STARTED ASA SIMPLE TRIP TO WALMART

TO GET CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTSFOR HIS FAMILY'S TREE

TURNED INTOTHE BIGGEST NIGHTMARE

OF JOE CANTRELL'S LIFE.

- I WAS HANDCUFFEDAND HUMILIATED

AND EMBARRASSEDIN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.

- FOUR MONTHS AGO,HE STARTED AD MATCHING,

BUT LAST WEEK,WHEN A WALMART EMPLOYEE

TOLD HIM IT WASN'T ALLOWED,

JOE COMPLAINED TO MANAGEMENT.

- SO WHEN I LEFT,HE TURNED AROUND

AND CALLEDPINAL COUNTY SHERIFF--

SAID HE FELT INTIMIDATEDAND THREATENED.

- FOUR DAYS LATER,WHEN JOE WENT BACK TO WALMART,

THREE DEPUTIES CUFFED HIM,

GAVE HIM THIS COURT SUMMONS

AND A NOTICE BANNING HIMFROM ANY WALMART IN THE WORLD

FOR LIFE.

- THEY SAW A GROWN MAN CRYLIKE A BABY.

- ATTENTION,300-POUND WALMART SHOPPERS,

THAT PENNY PINCHER IS JOE,

AND WHEN HE TRIEDTO TAKE ADVANTAGE

OF WALMART'SEVERYDAY LOW PRICE GUARANTEE,

THOSE BLUE VEST BULLIESBANNED HIM FOR LIFE.

THE AVERAGE WALMART SHOPPERDIES 15 YEARS EARLY,

SO A LIFETIME BANIS NOT AS LONG AS IT SOUNDS.

WALMART IS THE MOST AMERICANSTORE IN THE WORLD,

WHERE THE MOST PATRIOTIC PEOPLEGO TO BUY STUFF MADE IN CHINA

FOR THE LOW, LOW COSTOF THEIR DIGNITY.

THEY ACTUALLY JUST OPENEDA WALMART IN CHINA

SO THE CHILDREN COULD SEEWHAT THEY MADE.

WALMART IS FORCHURCHGOING FATTIES

THAT LIKE TO MAKEEVERY DOLLAR COUNT

BEFORE THEY BLOW THE RESTON SCRATCH-OFFS.

LOTS OF STORES SELLSCHOOL SUPPLIES,

BUT WALMART IS THE ONLY ONE

WHERE YOU CAN ALSO BUYTHE ASSAULT RIFLE

THAT WILL GIVE YOUR CHILDA FIGHTING CHANCE

TO MAKE IT HOME ALIVE.

IT'S MORE THAN A STORE;

IT'S A HOMELESS SHELTER

WITH A GIANT PARKING LOTFOR CRAIGSLIST TRANSACTIONS.

TARGET IS JUST WALMARTFOR DEMOCRATS.

YOU CAN ACT LIKEYOU'RE A BETTER AMERICAN,

BUT DON'T FORGET,

THEY STEAL CREDIT CARD INFOAND HATE GAYS.

JUST USE AMAZON.

YOU'RE GONNA PAY $5 MOREFOR A TOASTER,

BUT NO ONE WILL THROW UPON YOU.

I PREFER TO SHOP LOCAL.

THERE'S A LITTLE FARMI LIKE TO VISIT

THAT SELLS A SMALL JAROF LEMONADE FOR $10,

AND THAT'S A TERRIBLE DEAL,

BUT IT IS DELICIOUS.

AND YOU CAN'T PRICE MATCH IT

BECAUSE NOWHERE ELSEIN THE WORLD

SELLS FRESH BALSAMIC LEMONADE.

JOE JUST WANTED TO SAVEA COUPLE BUCKS,

SO I FLEW THAT FRUGAL CRYBABYTO L.A.,

WHERE WALMART IS BANNEDFROM OPENING STORES

IN EVEN OUR POORESTNEIGHBORHOODS,

FOR THIS WEEK'SWEB REDEMPTION.

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat music]

I SEE AN EMPTY SPOTIN CONTESTANTS' ROW.

TODD TODDY, PLEASE TELL ME

YOU HAVE A MANTO FILL THAT HOLE.

- I DO.

JOE,THE GUY WHO JUST GOT BANNED

FROM EVERY WALMARTIN THE WORLD,

COME ON DOWN!

YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT

ON THE COST IS CORRECT.

- YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WALK FAR.

- I KNOW.

- TOSH'S TRAMPS,

SHOW 'EM THE NEXT ITEMUP FOR BID.

- FROM THE SKILLED MINERSAT ZALES,

THIS 1/10 CARAT BAGUETTE-CUTPROMISE RING

IS PART OFTHE MISTRESS COLLECTION

AND FEATURES A STUNNING10-KARAT WHITE GOLD BAND.

- ALL RIGHT, JOE,WHAT'S YOUR BID?

- $99.

- HOW YOU FEELING TODAY,BUDDY?

- I HAVE DIARRHEA.

- SICK KIDS LOVE WATCHING THE COST IS CORRECT

WHEN THEY STAY HOMEFROM SCHOOL.

IT'S NICE TO HAVE ONE OF YOUHERE IN PERSON.

WHAT'S YOUR BID?

- THIS MANY.

- WHAT?WHAT IS THAT?

YOU GOT A--WHAT IS THAT, A 6?

620?- YEAH.

- 400 AFGHAN AFGHANISAND A GOAT.

- OKAY, DO WE HAVEA GOAT EMOTICON?

ding!

OKAY, WE DO.

WE ALWAYS LOVE HAVING THE TROOPSON THE SHOW.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

- DEATH TO AMERICA.

- I WOULD VENTURE TO SAY$1.45 MILLION.

- I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF WE HAVEENOUGH SPACE FOR THAT.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD ENOUGH.

ACTUAL RETAIL PRICE,$640.

HAYDEN IS OUR WINNER.

- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

KAY SELLS THAT RING FOR $99.

DON'T YOU PRICE MATCH?

- I HAVE NO IDEA.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO GOTO TODD TODDY.

TODD, DO WE PRICE MATCH?

- YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSEDTO THROW TO ME NOW.

IT'S TODD TODDY TIME.

KEEP GOING.

- ALL RIGHT, I GUESS YOU WIN,JOE.

- ALL RIGHT, AWESOME.

SORRY, KID.

- [shrieking]

- YES!

- ALL RIGHT, HEY.

AND FOR GUESSINGTHE EXACT VALUE,

YOU GET TO REACHINTO THE $100 POCKET.

GET IN THERE.

- THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE.

- REALLY, REALLY ROOT AROUNDIN THERE.

THERE YOU GO.CHOKE UP ON IT.

OKAY.

OH, I'M SORRY.HERE IT IS.

- [sighs]

- JOE,HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?

[crowd shouting]

- I'M DOING GREAT.

- OKAY, GREAT.

HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU MAKEA YEAR?

- NOT ENOUGH.

- TELL US EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENEDTHAT DAY.

- I WAS IN THERE,

JUST TRYING TO PAYFOR MY MERCHANDISE.

THE CASHIERBEHIND MY CASHIER SAYS,

"NO, DON'T AD MATCH ANYTHINGFOR THIS GUY."

- DO YOU HAVE TO HAVE PROOF?

- MOST OF THE TIME,THEY JUST TAKE YOUR WORD ON IT,

UH, BECAUSE THEY DON'T DOTHEIR JOB.

- SO HAVE YOU EVERTAKEN ADVANTAGE OF THEM

BECAUSE THEY DON'T LOOK IT UP?

- NO.

- OH, SO YOU'RE AN HONEST MAN.

- NO. NO.

- YOU'RE AN HONEST MAN.

- I'M AN HONEST MAN, YES.

- YES.- YES.

- SEE WHY I ASKED IT TWICE?

YOU USED TO BEA PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER?

- YEAH.

- THAT'S PRETTY INTERESTING.

- YEAH, UNTIL I GOT HIT

IN THE BACK OF THE HEADWITH A STEEL CHAIR.

- WHAT WAS THE WORST INJURYYOU EVER HAD?

- RUPTURED MY LOWER SPINE.

- UGH.- YEAH.

- YOU SAID YOU GO TO WALMARTTWICE A DAY.

WHY TWICE IN ONE DAY?

- WELL, YOU KNOW,THE GRANNY NEEDS SOMETHING,

AND SOMEONE NEEDS TO HELP HERPUT HER BAGS IN THE VEHICLE.

- WHY DOES THE GRANNY NEED TO GOEVERY DAY?

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS BUYA LITTLE BIT MORE IN BULK?

- WELL, SHE ONLY HASONE SMALL FRIDGE.

- I'M GONNA BE HONESTWITH YOU, JOE.

SOLID ANSWERS.

EVERY QUESTION THAT I HAD,THAT'S A SOLID ANSWER.

THAT MAKES SENSE.

SO THEY BANNED YOU FOR LIFE.

SEEMS A BIT EXCESSIVE.

- YEAH, THEY BANNED ME

FROM EVERY SINGLE ONEIN THE WORLD.

- HAS THAT AFFECTEDYOUR TRAVEL PLANS?

- UH, NOT REALLY.

- WHERE DO YOU SHOP THESE DAYS?

- I HITCH A RIDE TO KMART.

- YOU EVER BEEN INTO A TARGET?

- UH, PSSH.I DON'T LIKE TARGET.

- WHOA.

TARGET HAS THE BEST BATHROOMS

OUT OF ALLTHE BIG-BOX STORES.

I BET YOU MAKE A MESSON THE TOILET.

- SOMETIMES,I'LL TELL YOU, THAT...

[sighs]IT'S A DISASTER.

- ALL RIGHT, JOE,THERE'S NO TIME LEFT

TO PLAY THAT GAME WHERE WEMIX UP THE PRICE OF SOMETHING,

SO WE'RE PUTTING YOU RIGHT INTOTHE SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN.

IS THAT LEGAL?WE DON'T CARE.

WELCOME TOTHE SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN.

YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS.

WHOEVER BIDS CLOSESTTO THEIR SHOWCASE

WITHOUT GOING OVERTHEIR SHOWCASE

WINS THEIR SHOWCASE.

WITHIN $250 OF YOUR SHOWCASE,

YOU WIN BOTH SHOWCASES.

LET'S SEE OUR FIRST SHOWCASE.

SHOWCASE.

- THE PRIZESIN THE FIRST SHOWCASE

ARE ALL THINGSMILEY CYRUS' DAD WOULD LOVE,

AND NOTHING SAYSCOMPLETE LACK OF CLASS

LIKE WALL-TO-WALL CARPETINGBY TRAFFIC MASTER.

YOU LIBERAL JEWS CAN HAVEYOUR HARDWOOD FLOORS

AND POLISHED CONCRETE.

A TRUE HILLBILLYONLY TREATS HIS FEET

TO SHAG CARPETIN HIDEOUS BEIGE.

AND WHAT ENTERPRISING YOKELWOULDN'T LOVE

HIS VERY OWNBRAND-NEW WALMART?

RUN EVERY LOCAL BUSINESSOUT OF BUSINESS

WITH THE ONLY STORETHAT SELLS GROCERIES

AND A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER CRAP

AT IRRESPONSIBLY LOW PRICES.

AND WHEN YOU OWNYOUR OWN FRANCHISE,

NOBODY CAN BAN YOU.

- JOE, SINCE YOU'RE A MAN,

YOU GET TO GO FIRST.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BIDON YOUR SHOWCASE

OR PASS YOUR SHOWCASE ONTO MEGA TITS?

- I'LL BID...

$1.

[crowd booing]

- I THINK THERE MIGHT BEA GIANT FLAW

IN YOUR STRATEGY.

- I DON'T NEED TO SEEMY SHOWCASE, DANIEL.

I BID $2.

- CONGRATULATIONS.

HONKERSAURUSWINS THE SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN.

THAT IS THE WORST BIDIN THE HISTORY OF THIS SHOW.

YOU ARE BANNED FROM THE COST IS CORRECT FOR LIFE.

- [sobbing]

- I'M DANIEL TOSHREMINDING YOU,

PLEASE DON'T GET YOUR CHILDCIRCUMCISED.

THEY LOSE 30% OF THE FEELING.

AND ALWAYS KILL SNAKESWHEN YOU SEE THEM.

THERE IS NO DOWNSIDE.

AFTER WATCHING THAT,

HOW EXCITED ARE YOUABOUT ME GOING GRAY?

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