Web Redemption - Anesthesia Girl

Season 8 , Ep 21 Views: 1,824

A young woman who went on a vulgar tirade while experiencing the after-effects of anesthesia tries to salvage her good name. (7:24)

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- UH-UH, UH-UH.- I--I NEED TO.

- YOU NEED--- I'M CHOKING.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT CHOKING.- EH, EH, EH.

- NO, LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME.- [MUFFLED] I'M CHOKING.

- NO, COME ON. COME ON.

- I'M CHOKINGON A BIG, FAT, BLACK DICK!

- NO! NO.

- BBC.

BIG BLACK [BLEEP].

- WELL, WE KNOW WHAT SHE ATEBEFORE SURGERY.

THAT'S MICKAELA,AND SHE WAS TRIPPING BALLS--

BIG BLACK BALLS.

BEING FILMEDCOMING OFF ANESTHESIA

IS A STAPLE OF THE INTERNET.

SPRINKLE IN A LITTLESEXY HATE SPEECH,

AND YOU GOT YOURSELFA FEW MILLION VIEWS.

ANESTHESIOLOGISTSARE LIKE JIMMY FALLON.

THEY BOTH PUT PEOPLE TO SLEEP

AND ARE NOT RESPECTEDAMONGST THEIR PEERS.

LEARNING HOW TO PUT PEOPLE UNDERTAKES YEARS OF MEDICAL SCHOOL

OR ONE SEMESTERON THE STANFORD SWIM TEAM.

MUCH LIKE THIS SHOW,

ANESTHESIA MAKES YOU FEELNAUSEATED AND CONFUSED.

BUT THE DAYA DRUGGED-UP WHITE GIRL

SCREAMING ABOUT BLACK PENISDOESN'T HAVE A HOME HERE

IS THE DAY I RETIRE.

THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT MICKAELATO HOLLYWOOD,

WHERE ALL SURGERYIS ELECTIVE,

FOR THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

[RELAXED MUSIC]

I LOVE TAC!

- I NEED YOU TO SIGN IN.

- T-A-C.

WHOO!

TINY ASIAN [BLEEP].

- DID YOU JUST HAVESURGERY TOO?

- NO. WHY?

WANT SOME?

- NO THANKS.

- MICKAELA,ARE YOU NERVOUS?

- A LITTLE.- DON'T BE NERVOUS.

DO YOU WANT SOME DRUGS?

- [LAUGHS]

- THAT SEEMS TO LOOSEN YOURIGHT UP.

EXPLAIN TO MEWHAT HAPPENED.

- UM, I WORKED A FULL DAY,

AND THEN I GOT MY WISDOM TEETHTAKEN OUT AT MY JOB.

- SO YOU WORK THERE?- MM-HMM.

- DOES THAT MEAN--DO YOU GETFREE DENTAL IF YOU WORK THERE?

- NO.

- NO?- NO.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

DO YOU DO THE THING WHENTHEY GO REAL QUICK, UH,

"ONE, ONE, TWO, TWO,THREE, THREE, ONE, ONE"?

ARE YOU THE ONEWRITING THAT DOWN?

- YES, SIR.- OH.

- PLEASE DON'T CALL MESIR, EVER.

UM, ALL RIGHT, BACK TO IT.

YOU FINISH YOUR LONG DAY,

AND THEN YOU HAVE YOURWISDOM TEETH REMOVED?

- YES.- ALL FOUR OF THEM?

- MM-HMM.

- SO YOU WERE COMPLETELYUNCONSCIOUS?

- I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.

- AND THEN...

- AND THEN THEY USEANOTHER DRUG TO WAKE YOU UP.

- SO NOW YOU'VE GOT A LITTLECOCKTAIL GOING ON HERE,

TWO DRUGS WORKINGAGAINST EACH OTHER,

AND YOU GET A LITTLE LOOPY.

- I CAN'T EAT ANYTHING

'CAUSE I'M A CHIPMUNK.

- ARE YOU A FUNNY PERSONIN GENERAL?

- SOMETIMES.I HAVE TO WARM UP,

BUT THEN I GETPRETTY COMFORTABLE,

AND I'M PRETTY FUNNY,BUT NOT--

I DON'T NORMALLYSAY THOSE WORDS.

- LET'S TALK ABOUT THE REPEATUSE OF THE N WORD.

- [BLEEP], [BLEEP],[BLEEP], [BLEEP].

- UNDER A NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCE,

DO YOU EVER USE THAT WORDIN YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE?

- NO.- NO.

HOW MANY BLACK FRIENDSDO YOU HAVE?

- I HAVE QUITE A FEWBLACK FRIENDS.

- OVER THREE?- YEAH.

- THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.THAT, TO ME, IS--

IF YOU HAVE MORETHAN THREE, THAT'S--

I THINK YOU HAVECARTE BLANCHE.

WASN'T IT RISKY TO DABON THOSE BITCHES

SO SOON AFTER SURGERY?

- DAB ON THESE BITCHES.

READY? HIT THAT HO.

HIT THAT...HO.- [LAUGHING]

- I MEAN, I OBVIOUSLY--EVERYBODY--

THE THING THAT MOST PEOPLEFOCUS ON IS THE BBC.

- BBC.- NO.

- BIG BLACK [BLEEP].- NO.

- NOW, IS THAT A TERMTHAT YOU'VE EVER HEARD BEFORE?

- MY BROTHER'S--MY OLDER BROTHER'S GIRLFRIEND

WAS SAYING--TELLING ME WHAT IT MEANT,

LIKE, TWO DAYSBEFORE MY SURGERY.

THAT'S PROBABLY WHY...- OKAY.

- IT WAS FRESH ON MY BRAIN.- FRESH.

- [LAUGHS]- IT'S NOTHING THAT YOU'D

PERSONALLY EVER EXPERIENCED?

- NO.BOTH: NO.

- IS YOUR BROTHER BLACK?- HE'S WHITE.

- OKAY, YOUR BROTHERIS WHITE.

WERE YOU HORRIFIED THAT YOUWERE SAYING THESE THINGS

IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER?

- A LITTLE BIT,BUT MY MOM'S PRETTY COOL.

- AND MINUS THE FACT THATSHE DID TRY TO RAPE YOU?

- HELP ME!MY MOM'S RAPING ME!

- [LAUGHS]

- I'VE NEVER HEARDTHE WORD "TIT"

SAID SO UNATTRACTIVELY.

- YOU'RE TOUCHING MY TIT.

YOU'RE GRABBINGALL OVER MY TIT.

- YOU JUST SEEMEDLIKE A MONSTER.

[GROWLING] "YOU'RE GRABBINGMY TIT."

HAVE YOU WATCHEDOTHER PEOPLE'S VIDEOS

WHERE THEY'REUNDER ANESTHESIA?

- I HAVE.- I'M SICK OF PEOPLE FILMING

DRUGGED UP KIDSWITHOUT THEIR CONSENT.

- WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

- 'CAUSE I'M NOT BLACK.

AND YOU SAID--I SAID,"I FEEL BLACK,"

AND YOU SAID, "YOU ARE."

AND THEN I LOOKEDIN THE MIRROR,

AND I'M MEXICAN.

- WHAT BUILDS THE OCEAN?WHO BUILT THE OCEAN?

MOM, WHO BUILT THE OCEAN?

- CHINESE BALLS.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- I'M GONNA HAVE TO--WE'LL WIPE THAT OFF.

- BOUNCY BALLS.

- OH, OKAY, YOU CAN TALKABOUT BOUNCY BALLS.

- WHAT'D YOU THINKI WAS TALKING ABOUT?

- THAT'S A...

- [WHISPERS]HAIRY BALLS.

- STOP.

- I THINK ALL OF YOUCOULD GET TOGETHER

AND FORMA CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT.

AT ONE POINT, YOU SAID SOMETHINGABOUT PEYTON MANNING.

- I DON'T THINK SO.

NO!WHO ARE YOU, CRAZY LADY?

I'M GONNA CALL 911.

- YOU DIDN'T.YOU SAY "CRAZY LADY."

IF YOU SAY "PEYTON MANNING"BEFORE YOU WATCH IT,

THAT'S ALL YOU'LL HEAR.

- NO! WHO ARE YOU,PEYTON MANNING?

- WHICH HORRIBLE THING YOU SAIDDO YOU REGRET THE MOST?

- I WANT TO SAY BBC

AND THEN THE FOLLOWING THAT--

OR THE ONE BEFORE THAT.

- WHAT WAS THE ONE BEFORE IT?

- [SIGHS]THAT I WAS CHOKING.

- NO, LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME.- EH, I'M CHOKING.

- NO, COME ON. COME ON.

- I'M CHOKINGON A BIG, FAT, BLACK DICK!

- NO!- OH, EHH, YEAH, THAT'S--

[BOTH LAUGH]

I MEAN, HOW BIGARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

- I DON'T--MM.- MICKAELA?

THE DENTIST WILL SEE YOU NOW.

[EERIE ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]

DANIEL.

- OH.

- MICKAELA WANTED YOUTO HAVE THIS.

[ECHOING THUD]

- DAB ON THESE BITCHES.

I'M CHOKING.- NO, YOU'RE NOT CHOKING.

- EH, EH, EH. - NO, LISTEN. LISTEN TO ME.

- I'M CHOKING. - NO, COME ON.

- BBC, BBC.

I CAN'T EAT ANYTHING'CAUSE I'M A CHIPMUNK.

[BLEEP], [BLEEP],[BLEEP], [BLEEP].

[BLEEP], [BLEEP], [BLEEP].

BIG BLACK [BLEEP].

- NO. - BIG BLACK [BLEEP].

HEY, 911!

HELP ME! MY MOM'S RAPING ME!

[WOMAN LAUGHS]

YOU'RE TOUCHING MY TIT.

YOU'RE GRABBINGALL OVER MY TIT.

YOU'RE TOUCHING MY TIT.

YOU'RE GRABBINGALL OVER MY TIT.

YOU'RE TOUCHING MY TIT.

YOU'RE GRABBINGALL OVER MY TIT.

- GOD DAMN IT!

SHE KEYSER SOZED ME.

WHERE'D THAT CRIPPLE GO?

- THE GREATEST TRICK MICKAELA EVER PULLED

WAS CONVINCING THE INTERNET

SHE HAD HER WISDOM TEETH REMOVED.

AND LIKE THAT...

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

SHE'S GONE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- ANNA STHESIA WOULD BEA GREAT NAME FOR A PORN STAR

WHO JUST LIES THERE.

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