Web Reflection - Best of Season 7

Season 7 , Ep 30 12/01/2015 Views: 32,170

Daniel recaps a tumultuous 2015 and reminisces about the segments that will stay with him from the past season. (6:40)

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- AND WATCHRUSSIAN LINUS'S ESCAPE--

ESCAPE--SCAPE--SCAPE, SCAPE, SCAPE.

[BLEEP]. [BLEEP].DO IT AGAIN.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

NOPE. [BLEEP].

[BLEEP] IDIOT.

MM! I [BLEEP] HATE IT.

START OVER, DANIEL.

AND THEN SOMETIMES I MESS UP.

SOMETIMES THAT'S FUN TO WATCH.

'CAUSE YOU CAN SEE THE WHEELSTURNING IN MY HEAD

WHERE I WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE.

YOU BETTER [BLEEP] LAUGH,OR I'M GONNA KEEP DOING IT.

THEY [BLEEP] ME.

YOU JACK-WAGONS.

ALL RIGHT. WE'LL DO IT AGAIN.

DON'T WORRY ABOUTLAUGHING AT IT.

I'LL [BLEEP] EDIT IT.

I KNOW BEING A CAMERAMANON THIS SHOW IS TOUGH.

I DON'T [BLEEP] MOVE.

[BLEEP] SAY ENCOURAGING.

I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA--

I'LL [BLEEP]--

I'LL LEAVE THE SPOTLIGHT ON YOUSO GODDAMN LONG.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN'SNOT THAT INTERESTING.

JOKE'S ON YOU.

THOSE WERE THE SAME BLOOPERSWE PLAYED LAST YEAR.

I DIDN'T MESS UP ONCETHIS SEASON.

2015 WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORYAS A MOST VIOLENT YEAR.

IT'D BE QUICKER TO LIST

ALL THE FOLKSWHO DIDN'T GET SHOT.

THE POPE CAME TO AMERICA,

AND TRUMP KICKED HIM OUTFOR BEING A DIRTY IMMIGRANT.

REPUBLICANS WERE DEVASTATEDTO FIND OUT

HILLARY'S EMAILSWERE AS DULL AS SHE IS.

AND KUDOS TO ISIL.

THEY EVEN GOT ARIANA GRANDETO SAY SHE HATES THE USA.

LAMAR ODOMHAD TO DO A LOT OF COCAINE

TO KEEP UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS.

BEN AFFLECK AND GAVIN ROSSDALE

INSPIRED YOUNG GIRLS EVERYWHERETO BECOME NANNIES,

AND WE CARED MOREABOUT THE DEATH OF ONE LION

THAN THE DEATHOF THOUSANDS OF SYRIANS.

LETTERMAN PASSED AWAY,

JON STEWART WAS FIRED,

CONAN IS ON TBS,

AND E! FINALLY CANCELEDTHAT GREEN-SCREEN SHOW

THAT'S BEEN BLATANTLYRIPPING ME OFF

FOR THE PAST 22 YEARS.

PETE CARROLL DIDN'T BELIEVE IN BEAST MODE,

TOM BRADY BOUGHT A NEW CELL PHONE,

AND PEYTON MANNING BECAME ARCHIE MANNING.

IF YOU'RE KEEPING SCORE AT HOME,

THIS IS THE SECOND TIMEGERMANS HAVE GOTTEN IN TROUBLE

FOR GASSING PEOPLE.

CHARLIE SHEEN ANNOUNCED

HE HAS A DISEASEWE ALREADY ASSUMED HE HAD.

AND BRUCE JENNER KILLED SOMEONE,

AND THAT WASN'T EVENTHE MOST INTERESTING THING

THAT HAPPENED TO HER THIS YEAR.

JOSH DUGGAR MOLESTED19 KIDS AND COUNTING,

AND COSBY GOT HIMSELFINTO A TYPICAL

"HE SAID, SHE SAID,SHE SAID, SHE SAID, SHE SAID,

SHE SAID, SHE SAID, SHE SAID,SHE SAID, SHE SAID"...

AM I AT 50 YET?

THANKS TO AMY SCHUMER,

WOMEN ARE ALLOWED ON TELEVISION,

THE SUPREME COURT DECIDEDYOUR "SINGLE" UNCLE

CAN LEGALLY GET HITCHED,

AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDFINALLY STOPPED ASKING

FOR THAT TRIP TO PARIS.

IT WASN'T A GREAT YEARTO BE BLACK IN AMERICA.

THE STREAK CONTINUES.

BUT KYLIE DID TURN 18,

"EMPIRE"'S THE NUMBER ONE SHOW,

AND WE'VE GOTAFRICAN-AMERICAN EMOJIS,

SO WE CAN ALL AGREERACISM IS OFFICIALLY DEAD.

BUT DESPITE THE SHOOTINGS,BOMBINGS, RIOTS,

RAPES, AND PEOPLE WHINING,

"TOSH.0" HAS REMAINEDA SHINY BEACON OF HOPE.

SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK BACKAT HOW I MADE YOU LAUGH

AND FORGET WE ARE ON THE BRINKOF WORLD WAR III,

SPONSORED BY DRAFTKINGSAND FANDUEL,

IN THIS YEAR'S WEB REFLECTION.

[ROCK MUSIC]

THANK YOU, TACOMA!

ARE YOU HIGH?

- NO.

- KEEPING YOUON THE INSIDE FACT.

- [SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN.

- AHH!

- YOUR TRASH REEKS OF [BLEEP].

IS BRICKLEBERRY IN THERE?

- HE'S TRENT DILFERWITH HAIR PLUGS.

WERE YOU RUSHING,OR WERE YOU DRAGGING?

- I WASN'T EVEN PLAYING.

- [WHISPERING]LISTEN

TO MY PLEASURABLE SOUNDS.

THIS POOL

IS FOR BEST-WESTERNGUESTS ONLY!

I SHOOT BLANKS! I SHOOT BLANKS!

WHAT YOU SAY?

- ANDRE THE GIANT'SGONNA WIN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!

- STOP SPAZZING OUT,SHARON.

YOU'RE GONNA END UPWITH A BAD BOB.

- YOU KNOW MALONG, RIGHT?- KARL?

- ♪ VEGANS ARE SEXY

♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

- DON'T YOU DARE DISRESPECT ME

IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS!

- UH...EXTRACTION ACTION.

- NASTY MOTHER[BLEEP].

- I FELL DOWN THE STAIRSAND LANDED ON A CAKE.

- CAKES DON'TPUNCH BACK, ANGELA!

- AHH!

- STOP RESISTING!

- THOU HAS BEEN KNOCKETHTHE [BLEEP]ETH OUT.

OLD WORLD STAR!

- ♪ THIRSTY FOR THAT GIRTHY

[FUNKY MUSIC]

- BLACK PEOPLE.

JESUS!

HOLSTER YOUR WEAPON!

- HE WENT FOR MY GUN!

- WILL I BLOCK YOU?

YES! YOU'RE BLOCKED.

- OH, COME ON, DANIEL.

- ♪ BATTLE CAT, ADVANCE

♪ FISTO, STAY BEHIND ME

- ♪ YOU'VE GOT FISTO

♪ DEEP WITHIN YOUR HEINIE

- ♪ I'M ON MY 14 CARATS

♪ I'M 14 CARAT

- Y'ALL,I'M GETTING RUG BURN.

- I KNOW. ME, TOO.

- DO Y'ALL HEAR A WOLF?

BOTH: OH, NO!

[LIVELY DANCE MUSIC]

- FIRE IN THE B-HOLE!

- TAKE THAT, SUGARBUSH!

ALL:OH! OH!

- YOU RUIN EVERYTHING,YOUTH PASTOR DAN.

- SHOW ME YOUR PUBES.

[HARP CHIMING]

CAIT JENNER.HER TRANSITION WAS QUICK.

- YEAH, I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'SHAD BOTTOM SURGERY YET.

- HEY, NOW! - KNOCK IT OFF, HANK.

- [GROANING]

- THAT AIN'T A PEACH,YOU DUMDUM!

THAT'S A NECTARINE!

WHEN'S THE LAST TIMEYOU WERE HUNGRY?

- FIVE MINUTES AGO.

[LAUGHS]

[ROCK MUSIC]

- DID WE PAT YOU DOWN?

- NO.- JESUS.

- AHH!

- SABAN SAYS,"IN THE NFL,

YOU ARE PENALIZED FOR SUCCESS."

- WHAT SUCCESS?

- EXACTLY.

- HEY, MAN.YOU A VETERAN?

- YES, I FOUGHT FOR AMERICA

DURING THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR.

YOU DON'T TURN YOUR BACKON FAMILY.

- WE'RE NOT FAMILY.

- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT FAMILYWOULD SAY, BROTHER!

- I WILL MURDER YOUR FAMILY,YOU [BLEEP].

- YOU KISS YOUR OLD, OLDSAILOR BUDDIES WITH THAT MOUTH?

- I DON'T HAVE ANY OLDSAILOR BUDDIES,

AND I DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

- WE'RE GONNA TURN THESEINTO A "TOSH.0" FOR YOU.

- ♪ OH, OH, OH

♪ I FEEL SO FREE

♪ OH, LET'S DO THIS AGAIN

- [CRYING]

- DON'T CRY.IT'S JUST A LUNCH BOX.

I ASSUME YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA.

- I AM.

- $25,000 ON THE MIAMI DOLPHINS

VERSUS THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS,PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT, LADIES.

YOU INSPIRE ME.

[CHIMES]

- YAAAASSSSSSS!

- MY FAVORITE FRIDAY NIGHTS

ARE WHEN YOU'RE ON HIATUS.

I LOVE IT.

- I DON'T REMEMBERDOING ANY OF THAT.

MERRY CHRISTMAS,MERRY CHRISTMAS,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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