October 11, 2011 - Brad the Actor

  • 10/11/2011

A balcony jumper interrupts Romania's prime minister, and Brad the Actor gets a Web Redemption.

[car honking]

PREPARATION H HAS A BOLDNEW VIRAL MARKETING CAMPAIGN.

MAYBE SHE NEEDS TOILET PAPER.

ENJOY THE FREE SAMPLES, GUYS.

TOMORROW, THOSE ARE GONNACOST YOU 3 BUCKS A POP.

"YEAH, SORRY I'M LATE, HONEY.

I HIT EVERY BROWN LIGHTON THE WAY HOME."

THAT GIRL LOOKS SO FAMILIAR.

WHERE DO I KNOW HER FROM?

ALL RIGHT, IT'S BASICALLY

TALK SOUP MEETS AMERICA'S FUNNIEST VIDEOS

WITH A LITTLE BIT OF PEPPER.

- I'M SOLD.

- ME TOO.

RACHAEL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- THAT SMELLS LIKE A YES.

YOU WANNA KNOW HOW AWKWARDIT WAS TO SHOOT THAT?

- THOSE AREMISSED CONNECTIONS.

THAT'S WHEN YOU POSTABOUT A MOMENT

YOU HAD WITHA STRANGER AND HOPE

THEY'RE CREEPY ENOUGHTO BE CHECKING FOR YOU TOO.

I RECENTLY HAD MY OWN MISSEDCONNECTION ON A ROAD TRIP.

I STOPPED AT A BARBECUE JOINTIN BLYTHE, CALIFORNIA,

FOUR HOURS OUTSIDE OF L.A.

THERE WAS A BEAUTIFUL GIRLWORKING THERE.

NOTHING HAPPENED, AND I'VEREGRETTED IT EVER SINCE.

I DECIDED TO USE THE POWEROF MY TELEVISION SHOW

TO SEE IF THERE WAS REALLYANYTHING BETWEEN US.

SO PLEASE WELCOME,FOR A VERY AWKWARD LIVE SKYPE,

THE HOT CASHIERFROM REBEL BBQ, ASHLEY.

OH, HI, ASHLEY.IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

HOW ARE YOU?

- I'M GOOD.HOW ARE YOU?

- I AM ROCK HARD.

UH, FIRST THINGS FIRST,LET'S GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

- I'M 18 YEARS OLD.

- MY LUCKY NUMBER.

YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERINGWHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.

DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHENI CAME INTO YOUR RESTAURANT

A FEW WEEKS AGO?

- YES, I DO.YOU HAD A HAT ON.

- SO, THAT WAS A MAGICAL NIGHTFOR BOTH OF US.

DID YOU THINKWE HAD GOOD CHEMISTRY?

- UH, THERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLEIN HERE THAT NIGHT.

SO...COULD BE.

- WELL, JUST TELL USEVERYTHING YOU REMEMBER

FROM THAT NIGHT.

- I SAW A CADILLAC PULL UPOUTSIDE THE DOOR,

AND I KNEW THATWASN'T FROM BLYTHE

BECAUSE BLYTHE DOESN'T HAVECADILLACS IN THIS TOWN.

AND THEN WHAT REALLY GOT METO THINKING WAS--

I SAW A LITTLE--LITTLE GUY--A LITTLE MAN--

AND YOU DON'T SEE THOSEIN BLYTHE EITHER.

- OH, YEAH, ALL RIGHT,LET ME CUT YOU OFF

BEFORE YOU SAYSOMETHING RACIST AND TELL ME

WHAT ELSE BLYTHEDOESN'T WANT IN THEIR TOWN.

WHAT WOULD YOU GUESSIS MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU?

- PROBABLY THAT I DIDN'T KNOWWHO YOU WERE.

- NO, IT'S YOUR BOOBS.

- OH.

[laughter]

- AM I THE BIGGEST CELEBRITYYOU'VE EVER MET?

- NO, I'VE ACTUALLYMET WAYNE BRADY.

- SO...THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M STILLTHE BIGGEST WHITE CELEBRITY.

HOW OFTEN DO CUSTOMERSHIT ON YOU?

- UH, NOT VERY OFTEN.

- LIAR!

- SOUNDS LIKE YOUR BOSSDISAGREES.

- UH, DOES THE ENTIREPOPULATION OF BLYTHE

WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU?

- UM, I DON'T KNOW OF ANYBODYTHAT WANTS TO SLEEP WITH ME,

BUT, UH, THE POPULATIONHAS GOT TO BE PROBABLY ABOUT--

I WOULD SAY 20--20,000INCLUDING THE PRISON.

- WELL, NOT COUNTING PRISONERS,DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

- YES, I DO.

- DOES HE OWN PROPERTYIN MALIBU?

- NO.

- POINT, TOSH.

WHAT IS THE PERCENTAGEOF THE TWO OF US

ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED?

- WELL, I WOULD SAYABOUT A 0% CHANCE.

- ALL RIGHT,LOUD AND CLEAR.

WE'LL KEEP THIS THINGCOMPLETELY PHYSICAL.

I'M SURE I'M HOLDINGUP THE LINE,

SO I'M GONNA PLACE AN ORDERFOR DELIVERY TO LOS ANGELES.

- WE DON'T DELIVER THAT FAR.

- I THINK YOU'LL MAKEAN EXCEPTION FOR ME

BECAUSE I'M FAMOUS,AND I SENT YOU A LIMOUSINE.

SEE YOU IN FOUR HOURS.

- OKAY.

- THANKS, ASHLEY.I LOVE YOU.

AH, SHE PROBABLY GOT CUT OFFBEFORE SHE COULD SAY,

"I LOVE YOU," BACK.

A MEMBER OF OUR STAFF,LET'S CALL HIM ANDREW WANTUCK,

HAD A MISSED CONNECTIONOF HIS OWN.

HE LOST HIS VIRGINITYTO A COMPLETE STRANGER.

IF YOU ARE A MUCH, MUCH, MUCHOLDER WOMAN NAMED KAREN,

THAT HAD SEXWITH A 15-YEAR-OLD BOY

ON THE BOW OF A CRUISE SHIPIN 1994,

PLEASE CONTACT OUR SHOW

OR TURN YOURSELF INTO LOCAL AUTHORITIES.

SORRY, I HAVE TO GET OUTOF HERE A LITTLE EARLY.

I'M TOLD MY SANDWICHHAS ARRIVED.

LATER, DAY SAINTS.

[cheers and applause]

- HERE'S YOUR FOOD.

WHY ARE YOU EATING?

- OH, THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

I ORDERED THISFROM HER AT A BARBECUE PLACE

JUST OUTSIDE DULUTHFOUR MONTHS AGO.

WHAT ARE THE ODDSTHAT YOU GUYS

WOULD SHOW UPTEN MINUTES APART?

YOU GUYS WANT TO SWAP SAUCE?

- [speaking foreign language]

- FINALLY, SOMETHING EXCITINGON C-SPAN2.

ALL IN FAVOROF THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN?

audience: AYE.- THE "AYES" HAVE IT.

THAT'S THE ROMANIAN PRIMEMINISTER ADDRESSING PARLIAMENT,

AND IF I KNEW ONE THINGABOUT ROMANIA,

I WOULD TOTALLY MAKEA JOKE RIGHT NOW.

I'M ALWAYS SURPRISED WHENOTHER COUNTRIES HAVE TOILETS,

LET ALONE GOVERNMENTS.

- [speaking foreign language]

- OH...HE MUST BE DECIDINGWHICH DATE ON THE CALENDAR

SHOULD BEGHEORGE MURESAN DAY.

- [speaking foreign language]

- ALL RIGHT, THAT GUY IS NOTSUPPOSED TO BE UP THERE.

SIR, IF YOU HAVESOMETHING TO SAY,

PLEASE FOLLOW PROPERPARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE.

WE GOT A JUMPER!

TEXTBOOK SWAN DIVE.

DOES EVERYONE IN ROMANIAGET OLYMPIC TRAINING?

PRETTY SURE THIS MEANSTHE MEETING IS ADJOURNED.

USUALLY, WE JUSTBANG THE GAVEL.

TRUST FALL!

THE GENTLEMAN FROM TRANSYLVANIANOW HAS THE FLOOR.

15 FEET ISN'TA SUICIDE ATTEMPT.

IT'S A CRY FOR HELP,AND MAYBE A RUPTURED SPLEEN.

TOO BAD THEY DIDN'T PASSTHAT HEALTH CARE BILL

BEFORE HE DID IT.

- [speaking foreign language]

- YES.

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE BIPARTISANEFFORT TO HELP THE GUY?

INSTEAD, THOSE GYPSIESSHOW THEIR TRUE COLORS

AND DIG THROUGH HIS POCKETS.

HE'S ONLY CRYING BECAUSEHE NEEDED THAT VOTE.

I'M JUST GLAD I FOUND THE ONEPOLITICAL VIDEO THE DAILY SHOW

DOESN'T HAVE THE JOURNALISTICINTEGRITY TO AIR.

AND FOR THAT,WE THANK YOU.

- HI, I'M BRAD GELBER.

I'M AN 18-YEAR-OLD NON-UNIONACTOR/PRINT MODEL.

MY FAVORITE ACTOR ISVINCE VAUGHN WITHOUT QUESTION.

HE HAS THE PERFECT COMBINATIONOF COMEDY AND WITTINESS

THAT I FIND VERY RAREIN AN ACTOR.

AND WHEN I GO SEE HIS MOVIES,HE'LL HAVE ME LAUGHING WITH HIM,

LIKE, THE FIRSTFIVE MINUTES.

THIS SHOE IS TOUGH.

IT SCREAMS WORK ME,BEND ME, SHAPE ME.

I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU,AND YOU LIKE THAT.

NIKE...A BIT OF AN ATTITUDE.

[upbeat music]

I KEEP WAKING UPIN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

ALL DRENCHED IN SWEAT.

YESTERDAY, I PUT MY FISTTHROUGH THE WINDOW

AND SHATTERED IT INTO PIECES.

MY MOM IS "DAD."

SHE'S "DAD."

- NAILED IT!

HE BUYS HIS SHIRTSIN THE BABY SHOULDERS SECTION.

THAT ENERGETICUP-AND-COMER IS BRAD,

AND HE'S A TRIPLE THREAT.

HE ACTS, HE MODELS,HE'S DELUSIONAL.

HE AIMED FOR THE STARSAND LANDED ON MY SHOW INSTEAD.

IT'S HARD TO TAKEACTORS SERIOUSLY

WHEN YOUR RESUMEIS A PICTURE.

IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE ITIN THE FIRST SIX MONTHS,

PLEASE QUIT,AND GET A REAL JOB

SO WE CAN PULL THIS ECONOMYOUT OF THE CRAPPER.

FAME ISN'T AS EASYAS I MAKE IT LOOK.

SOME HAVE TO DANCELIKE A SLUT

ON THE TOP OF A FIATTO STAY RELEVANT.

YEAH, I'D LOVETO SELL OUT,

BUT THEY DON'T LET YOUDO PROACTIV COMMERCIALS

WHEN YOU HAVE PERFECT SKIN.

CELEBRITIES, PLEASE STOPTRYING TO EXPAND YOUR BRAND.

WE ALL LOVEJUSTIN BIEBER'S MUSIC,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEANWE WANT TO SMELL

LIKE STUPID HAIRCUTSAND USHER'S BALLS.

I'M GLAD SEAN PENNIS HANGING OUT IN COUNTRIES

THAT AREN'T UP TO CODE.

I JUST DON'T WANTTO HEAR ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW WHO'S REALLYDOWNTRODDEN?

EVERYONE WHO PAIDTO SEE THE TREE OF LIFE.

YOU WON'T SEE METRYING TO BRANCH OUT.

I KNOW MY PLACE, AND IT'S RIGHTHERE HOSTING THIS SHOW.

[cheers and applause]

AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCINGMY NEW ANIMATED SERIES

COMING SOON.

BRAD MAY HAVE BEENA LITTLE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES,

BUT I RECOGNIZE RAW TALENTWHEN I SEE IT.

THAT'S WHY I FLEW HIMBACK TO TINSELTOWN

FOR ANOTHER SHOTAT STARDOM

IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

- HEY, DANIEL.WHAT'S UP?

- HEY, BRAD. GLAD YOUCOULD BE HERE FOR THIS.

BEING IMMORTALIZED IN CEMENTIS THE BIGGEST HONOR

A CELEBRITY COULD RECEIVE.

- HEY, WHAT THE HELLARE YOU DOING?

IS THAT YOUR DICKIN MY CEMENT?

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.- SORRY.

SORRY!- GET OUT OF HERE!

GET OUT OF HERE!

- FORGET THAT GUY.

HE CLEARLY DOESN'TAPPRECIATE THE IMPACT

THAT I'VE HADON THE COMEDY COMMUNITY.

BUT THIS IS ABOUT YOU,AND I KNOW THE ONE PLACE

THAT'S GUARANTEEDTO MAKE YOU A STAR.

- I'M INTERESTED.

- OKAY, WELL THEN,YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE

TO TAKE OFFYOUR PANTS.

I'M KIDDING.LET'S GO.

WELCOME TO THE CHURCHOF SCIENTOLOGY.

CAN I GETA "PRAISE OVERLORD XENU"?

- PRAISE OVERLORD XENU.- AW, THANK YOU, BRAD.

I KNOW KNOW THIS SEEMSLIKE A CRAZY RELIGION,

BUT YOU CAN'T ARGUEWITH THE STARS

THAT HAVE COME OUTOF THIS CHURCH.

NOW, LET ME HOOK YOU UPTO THIS E-METER

TO SEE HOW MANY ENGRAMSWE NEED TO REMOVE

FROM YOUR SYSTEMTO MAKE YOU CLEAR.

BUT FIRST, IF I CANGET YOU TO PUT YOUR LEFT HAND

ON OUR BIBLE.

THAT'S ENOUGH.HOLD ON TO THOSE.

[shrieks]

[laughs]

THAT'S JUST A LITTLE JOKEWE HERE AT THE CULT DO.

TELL ME EVERYTHINGABOUT THAT VIDEO.

- IT WAS LIKE AN ACTING REEL,OBVIOUSLY.

UM, I WAS REALLY TRYINGTO LAND, LIKE, A JOB,

BUT IT KIND OF TOOK ONA LIFE OF ITS OWN AFTERWARDS.

- WHAT DID YOUR FRIENDSTHINK OF THAT VIDEO?

- AT FIRST, I WAS, LIKE,AH, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL,

BUT ONCE I GOT TO100,000 VIEWS ON YOUTUBE--

- THEN YOU STARTEDGETTING A LITTLE NERVOUS?

- YEAH,A LITTLE NERVOUS.

- AND YOU STILL LOOK THE SAME.THAT'S--THAT'S THE TOUGH PART.

- RIGHT.

- HAVE YOU EVER TRIEDTO GET THE VIDEO TAKEN DOWN?

- YEAH, I WAS TRYING TO THINKOF ANYTHING I COULD,

BUT AFTER A WHILE, YOU JUSTKIND OF HAVE TO ROLL WITH IT.

- WHAT WERE SOME OF THE MEANYOUTUBE COMMENTS YOU READ?

- I DIDN'T HAVE, LIKE,A NECK, THAT IT BLENDED IN.

- YOU LEARN SOMETHINGABOUT YOURSELF

WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE JUST BLINDLYTAKING SHOTS AT YOU.

YOU REALLY GREW INTOYOUR NECK.

- THANK YOU.[chuckles]

- DO YOU HAVEA SPEECH IMPEDIMENT?

- I WOULD SAY IT'S MORE OF ANACCENT THAN A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.

- ALTHOUGH YOUR ACCENT,IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S GONE AWAY

A LITTLE BIT.

- PROBABLY BEINGIN SCHOOL--JUST--

- IT WAS BEATEN OUT OF YOU?

- [laughs]

- AND HOW DO YOU SAY "DEAD"?

- MY MOM IS "DAD."

"DAD."

- DEAD.- "DAD."

- DEAD.

- "DAD."

- SWEAT.- "SWOT."

SWEAT.

- I WANT YOU TO SAY,"SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND,"

IN A BRITISH ACCENT.

- "SAY HELLOTO MY LITTLE FRIEND."

- NOW AS A BLACK GUY.

- "SAY HELLOTO MY LITTLE FRIEND."

- WAS A LITTLE SOUTHERN.OKAY.

HOW ABOUTAS A NEW ENGLANDER?

- I DON'T KNOW.

HOW DO YOU DOA NEW ENGLAND ACCENT?

- I DON'T KNOW, I ASSUMEIT HAS THE "N" WORD IN IT.

YOU LOVE VINCE VAUGHN,YOU SAID.

- MY FAVORITE ACTOR IS VINCEVAUGHN, WITHOUT QUESTION.

- YOU STILL LIKE HIM?

- YEAH, HE'S SO GOOD,BUT I--

- DID YOU SEE COUPLES RETREAT?

- [laughs] YEAH.

- WERE YOU EMBARRASSEDFOR HIM?

- I WAS EMBARRASSED FOR HIM.

- HE'S NEVER APOLOGIZEDABOUT THAT.

- NO.

- DID NIKE SEND YOUA BUNCH OF FREE SHIT

FOR ALL THE TROUBLEYOU WENT TO?

- I WISH.

- DID THEY SEND YOUA CEASE AND DESIST LETTER?

- NO.

- AFTER WE'RE DONESHOOTING THIS,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUTTO DINNER WITH ME?

- SURE.- THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, IT LOOKS LIKEYOU PASSED YOUR STRESS TEST

WITH FLYING COLORS,

BUT IF YOU WANT TO MAKE ITIN THIS TOWN,

YOU NEEDTO JOIN THIS CHURCH.

AND TO JOIN THIS CHURCH,WE NEED YOUR MONEY.

GIVE ME $10,000.

IT'S A LITTLE ODD THATYOU ALREADY HAD IT FILLED OUT,

BUT THANK YOUVERY MUCH.

THIS WILL GO A LONG WAYTO MAKING YOUR NEW REEL.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,

ARE YOU READYTO GIVE ANOTHER SHOT?

- WITHOUT QUESTION.

NIKE...A BIT OF AN ATTITUDE.

MY MOM IS DEAD.

[solemn music]

- [shouts in foreign language]

- EVERYBODY KNOWS THESE SHOESARE FREAKING AWESOME.

BUT WHAT ABOUTHOW THEY'RE MADE

BY POVERTY-STRICKENCHILD SLAVES?

THAT'S WHAT GIVES THEMA BIT OF AN ATTITUDE.

- YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

LET'S GET SOME WIND.

DOESN'T THAT FEEL SAFE?

- I KEEP WAKING UPIN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

ALL DRENCHED IN "SWOT."

YESTERDAY, I PUT MY FISTTHROUGH THE WINDOW

AND SHATTERED ITINTO PIECES.

MY MOM IS "DAD."

MY MOM IS "DAD!"

- YES, BRAD.WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

I USED TO BE YOUR MOM.NOW I'M YOUR DAD.

YOUR MOM IS DAD.

I GOT AN OPERATIONAND EVERYTHING.

- MY MOM IS "DAD."

>> WELCOME TO THE CHURCH OF

SCIENTOLOGY.

CAN I GET A PRAISE OVERLORD

XENU?

>> PRAISE OVERLORD XENU.

>> AH, THANK YOU, BRAD.

I KNOW THIS SEEMS LIKE A CRAZY

RELIGION, BUT YOU CAN'T ARGUE

WITH THE STARS THAT HAVE COME

OUT OF THIS CHURCH--TRAVOLTA,

CRUISE, BECK, NOT TO MENTION

WILL SMITH, AND JERRY SEINFELD--

DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY

REFUSE TO ADMIT IT.

NOW LET ME HOOK YOU UP TO THIS

E-METER TO SEE HOW MANY ENGRAMS

WE NEED TO REMOVE FROM YOUR

SYSTEM TO MAKE YOU CLEAR, BUT

FIRST, IF I CAN GET YOU TO PUT

YOUR LEFT HAND ON OUR BIBLE.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

HOLD ON TO THOSE.

[screeches]

[laughing]

THAT'S JUST A LITTLE JOKE WE

HERE AT THE CULT DO.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

>> UPSTATE NEW YORK.

>> TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT

VIDEO.

>> IT WAS, LIKE, AN ACTING REEL

OBVIOUSLY.

I WAS REALLY TRYING TO LAND,

LIKE, A JOB, BUT IT KIND OF TOOK

ON A LIFE OF ITS OWN AFTERWARDS.

>> WHAT DID YOUR FRIENDS THINK

OF THAT VIDEO.

>> WELL, THE FUNNY THING WAS NO

ONE HAD SEEN IT FOR A WHILE,

LIKE, WHEN IT FIRST CAME OUT,

AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,

IT KIND OF RESURFACED.

>> WERE YOU LIKE, "UH-OH,"

WHEN IT STARTED TO RESURFACE

AND THEN STARTED BUILDING STEAM?

>> I MEAN, AT FIRST I WAS LIKE,

"AH, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL," BUT

ONCE I GOT TO 100,000 VIEWS ON

YOUTUBE.

[laughter]

>> THEN YOU STARTED TO GET A

LITTLE NERVOUS?

>> A LITTLE NERVOUS.

>> AND YOU STILL LOOK THE SAME.

THAT'S THE TOUGH PART.

>> RIGHT.

>> HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO GET

THAT VIDEO TAKEN DOWN?

>> YEAH, I WAS TRYING TO THINK

OF ANYTHING I COULD, BUT AFTER A

WHILE YOU JUST KIND OF HAVE TO

ROLL WITH IT.

>> WHAT WERE SOME OF THE MEAN

YOUTUBE COMMENTS YOU READ?

>> I THINK SOME OF THE MEAN ONES

WERE ABOUT MY NECK.

I THINK THAT I DIDN'T HAVE,

LIKE, A NECK, THAT IT BLENDED

IN, SO THAT WAS KIND OF

SURPRISING.

>> YOU LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT

YOURSELF WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE

JUST BLINDLY TAKING SHOTS

AT YOU.

YOU REALLY GREW INTO YOUR NECK.

>> THANK YOU.

>> WHO POSTED IT?

>> I DON'T KNOW ACTUALLY.

PEOPLE THOUGHT, I GUESS,

FOR THE LONGEST TIME THAT I

POSTED IT, AND I PROBABLY SHOULD

HAVE JUST SAID, "YEAH," BUT ME

BEING NOT THE SMARTEST AT THE

TIME, WAS JUST LIKE, "NO, LIKE,

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I DIDN'T POST IT."

AND MADE IT LOOK LIKE SOMEONE

WAS TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF ME,

WHEN I SHOULD HAVE JUST BEEN

LIKE, "OH, YEAH, OF COURSE.

I WANTED TO GET ALL THESE

VIEWS," LIKE--

>> IF YOU EVER HAVE A NAKED

PICTURE OF YOU THAT SURFACES

ONLINE, I FOUND THE LOOPHOLE OUT

OF IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO

TO GET IT REMOVED IMMEDIATELY

OR TO WHERE IT CAN'T GET SPREAD?

YOU HAVE TO SAY, "YES, THAT IS

ME, AND I WAS UNDERAGE WHEN THAT

WAS TAKEN," AND THEN THEY CAN

NEVER SHOW IT ANYWHERE.

EVERY SITE HAS TO TAKE IT DOWN

IMMEDIATELY, AND THAT IS GONNA

BE PERFECT FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU

LOOK LIKE A CHILD.

>> [laughs]

>> DID YOU LAND ANYTHING OFF OF

THAT AUDITION TAPE?

>> JUST A FEW COMMERCIALS.

>> SO IT WAS PROFITABLE?

>> I MEAN, YEAH, I GUESS SO.

>> NOW AS A CHILD ACTOR, WHAT

DRUGS DID YOU BECOME ADDICTED

TO?

>> LUCKILY NONE.

>> NONE?

>> NONE.

>> OH, THAT'S GOOD.

YOU'VE ESCAPED SOME OF THE

PITFALLS.

HOW HAS YOUR MALE MODELING

CAREER TAKEN OFF?

>> I DID--MY SCHOOL I JUST

GRADUATED FROM, EMERSON

COLLEGE, IN MAY, AND WE HAD A

TOP MALE MODEL COMPETITION,

AND I ACTUALLY WAS ON IT.

>> FULL NUDITY?

>> ALMOST.

BASEBALL GLOVE, THE ONLY THING

COVERING.

>> YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

DO YOU HAVE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT?

>> I WOULD SAY IT'S MORE OF AN

ACCENT THAN A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT.

>> ALTHOUGH YOUR ACCENT SEEMS

LIKE IT'S GONE AWAY A

LITTLE BIT.

>> PROBABLY BEING IN SCHOOL...

>> IT WAS BEATEN OUT OF YOU?

>> [laughing]

>> HOW DO YOU SAY "DEAD"?

>> DEAD.

>> DEAD.

>> DEAD.

>> DEAD.

>> DEAD.

>> SWEAT.

>> SWEAT.

>> I WANT YOU TO SAY, "SAY HELLO

TO MY LITTLE FRIEND," IN A

BRITISH ACCENT.

>> [in a British accent] SAY

HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND.

>> NOW AS A BLACK GUY.

>> [in an Southern accent] SAY

HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND.

>> IT WAS A LITTLE SOUTHERN,

OKAY?

HOW ABOUT AS A NEW ENGLANDER?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

HOW DO YOU DO A NEW ENGLAND

ACCENT?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S JUST REPULSIVE TO HEAR,

AND I ASSUME IT HAS THE "N" WORD

IN IT.

YOU LOVED VINCE VAUGHN YOU SAID.

DO YOU STILL LIKE HIM?

>> YEAH, HE'S STILL GOOD, BUT--

>> DID YOU SEE COUPLES RETREAT?

>> YES.

>> WERE YOU EMBARRASSED FOR HIM?

>> I WAS EMBARRASSED FOR HIM.

>> HE'S NEVER APOLOGIZED ABOUT

THAT?

>> NO.

>> WHO IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE

ACTOR?

>> CARROT TOP, EVEN THOUGH HE'S

A COMEDIAN.

>> WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD IS A

SOLID, UNDERRATED FILM.

WHAT CELEBRITIES DO PEOPLE SAY

YOU LOOK LIKE?

>> PEOPLE CALLED ME "BIEBS" FOR

A WHILE WHEN MY HAIR WAS LONGER.

>> IF YOU COULD BANG ANY SIX

CELEBRITIES, WHO WOULD THEY BE?

>> EVA LONGORIA.

>> EVA'S A LITTLE OLD.

>> IT'S ALL RIGHT.

>> THAT DOESN'T BOTHER YOU?

>> SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

>> IF YOU HAD TO CRY ON CAMERA,

WHAT WOULD YOU THINK ABOUT?

>> I'D HAVE TO SAY A FAMILY

MEMBER DYING OR SOMETHING LIKE

THAT.

>> ONE THAT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENED?

>> YEAH--NO. YEAH, I GUESS.

>> OR WOULD YOU JUST MAKE ONE

UP?

>> WELL, IF I MADE IT UP, IT

WOULD TURN OUT PROBABLY LIKE THE

VIDEO, SO...

>> I THINK ABOUT THAT KIND OF

STUFF SOMETIMES, BUT I MAKE IT

UP, AND IT'S USUALLY DURING

LOVEMAKING TO HELP ME CONTROL MY

CLIMAX.

DID NIKE SEND YOU A BUNCH OF

FREE [bleep] FOR ALL THE TROUBLE

YOU WENT TO?

>> I WISH BUT NO.

>> DID THEY SEND YOU A CEASE AND

DESIST LETTER?

>> NO.

>> WHAT'S THE SEXIEST THING

ABOUT YOUR BODY?

>> MY EYES, PROBABLY.

>> I'M NOT GONNA ARGUE THERE.

WHERE DO YOU SEE "BRAD" IN

TEN YEARS?

>> WELL, I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR

MARKETING AND ADVERTISING, SO

HOPEFULLY MAKING MY DEGREE WORTH

IT, SO...

>> I DON'T MEAN TO PUT A DARK

CLOUD OVER YOUR DREAMS, BUT I

TOO HAVE A DEGREE IN MARKETING.

>> [laughing]

AND WELL, YOU'RE SUCCESSFUL.

>> LOOK AT YOUR FUTURE.

>> YEAH.

>> AFTER WE'RE DONE SHOOTING

THIS, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT

TO DINNER WITH ME?

>> SURE.

>> THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU

PASSED YOUR STRESS TEST WITH

FLYING COLORS, BUT IF YOU WANT

TO MAKE IT IN THIS TOWN,

YOU NEED TO JOIN THIS CHURCH,

AND TO JOIN THIS CHURCH, WE NEED

YOUR MONEY.

GIVE ME $10,000.

IT'S A LITTLE ODD THAT YOU

ALREADY HAD IT FILLED OUT, BUT

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THIS WILL GO A LONG WAY TO

MAKING YOUR NEW REEL.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW, ARE YOU

READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?

>> WITHOUT QUESTION.

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