February 14, 2012 - Haboob Wedding

  • 02/14/2012

The Haboob Wedding Couple gets a Web Redemption, and Daniel tries the cure for small d**k disease.

POSSIBILITY THAT I MIGHT DIE.

SINCE I'VE NEVER BEENVERY FOND OF MY FAMILY,

I DECIDED TO DOTHE RESPONSIBLE THING

AND GET MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER

BY LETTING YOU,MY FANS, WRITE MY WILL

IN OUR LATEST INSTALLMENTOF TWITTEN BY.

HERE'S HOW I STARTED IT:

"PLEASE, BE COMPASSIONATEWHEN WRITING MY WILL.

"I, DANIEL TOSH, HEREBY...

"BEING OF QUESTIONABLE MINDAND SEXUAL ORIENTATION,

BEQUEATH MY DILDO COLLECTIONTO MY OWN BUTTHOLE."

I WILL LET YOU KNOW THATWITHIN ABOUT THREE HOURS,

I RECEIVED CLOSETO 3,000 OR 4,000 REFERENCES

TO WHAT I WOULD DOWITH MY DILDOS,

ET CETERA, ET CETERA.

THE REASON WE CHOSE THIS ONEIS BECAUSE IT WAS THE FIRST ONE

THAT CAME ININ UNDER EIGHT SECONDS.

"I GIVE FORTH MY FIVE GROWHOUSES ACROSS THE UNITED STATES

TO THOSE LITTLE KIDSIN AFRICA WHO SMOKIN' ON SWAG."

[laughs]

"DONATE MY BODYTO ANY GAY SCIENCE.

"I DONATE EVERYTHING TOTHE PATRICK SWAYZE FOUNDATION

"IN SUPPORT OF ASS CANCER,KARATE, AND SHITTY DANCING.

"WHAT IS HALF OF NOTHING?LEAVE THAT TO MY MOM.

"MY TELEVISION SHOW SHALLGO TO CHRIS ROCK

"BECAUSE HIS FIVE-MINUTEGUEST SPOT HAD BETTER RATINGS

"THAN MY FIRSTTWO SEASONS COMBINED.

"WAFFLES, WAFFLES,CRISPY, GOLDEN WAFFLES...

"WILL BE STUFFEDAND MOUNTED...

"LIKE YOUR MOM.

HA, HA, HA,AFTER DEATH BURN."

"HEREBY GIVE MY COLLECTIONOF CELEBRITY SEMEN SAMPLES

"TO BEN AND JERRY'SFOR A NEW SERIES OF FLAVORS

CALLED TOSH.0FACES."

I KNOW A SCHOOL TEACHERTHAT WOULD LOVE THAT FLAVOR.

I DO, I DO.

HE WAS MY FAVORITE TEACHER.HE WAS TOTALLY MISUNDERSTOOD.

"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,BLAH...SOMETHING RACIST.

"HASHTAG, HIGH FASHION.

"I BEQUEATH MY SCARF COLLECTIONTO NORV TURNER

SO HE CAN FINALLY COVER UPTHAT GROSS SCROTUM NECK."

YOU THINK NORV WAS AT HOME,GOING TONIGHT, "OH, TWITTEN BY.

I'M GOING TO GET A SHOT."

"I GIVE UP ON WILL WRITING.THIS SHIT IS TOO HARD.

"I LEAVE NOTHING TO NOBODY.BURY MY SHIT WITH ME.

"IF YOU WANT NICE THINGS,GET YOUR OWN.

DON'T WAIT FOR ME TO DIE."

I'M GOING TO GETTHAT NOTARIZED THIS WEEK.

- [laughs]- HOLD DOWN HIS ARM.

- OH, MY GOD.- READY?

- OH, GOD.

- READY?LARRY?

- THIS IS NOT WEIRDRIGHT NOW.

- OH, GOD.

[laughs]

NO![laughs]

- LOOKS LIKE THESE TWOARE TAKING

THEIR AFRICAN-AMERICAN STUDIESA LITTLE TOO SERIOUSLY.

NOW LET'S SEE WHAT'S SO FUNNYABOUT THAT HATE CRIME

IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

I'M ALL FORINTERRACIAL HORSEPLAY,

BUT NO GOOD CAN COME OF LETTINGWHITE PEOPLE PIN YOU DOWN.

YOU USUALLY END UP WORKINGFOR FREE SOMEWHERE.

- OH, GOD.

- TICKLE TORTURE VIOLATESTHE GENEVA CONVENTION,

BUT IT'S STILL WAY BETTER

THAN BEING DRAGGEDBEHIND A PICKUP TRUCK.

- [laughs]

- WHY IS THAT GUYWORKING THE NECK?

THE NECK IS NOTA TICKLE ZONE.

- LOOK HOW PASSED OUT HE IS.

- [laughs]

- GREAT, YOU JUST KILLEDYOUR ONE BLACK FRIEND.

SEE, LAPD,YOU DON'T NEED NIGHTSTICKS

TO GET THEMTO CALM DOWN.

AND BY "THEM,"I MEAN CRIMINALS.

BLACK PEOPLE.

THAT IS THE UPSIDEOF BEING BLACK.

WHEN YOU PASS OUT,NOBODY DRAWS DONGS ON YOUR FACE.

UNLESS THEY HAVE WITE-OUT.

OH, RIGHT.

NOW IS NOT THE TIMETO PLAY "SMELL MY FINGER."

- CHECK HIS PULSE, YO.

- CHECK HIS PULSE?

CHECK HIS POCKETS.I'M MISSING A 20.

AT LEAST FIND OUTIF THEY REALLY DO HAVE

THAT EXTRA BONEIN THEIR FOOT.

- NO, HE'LL--HE'LL,LIKE, SHOOT OPEN--

- HE'S ALIVE.QUICK, TICKLE HIM AGAIN.

I'M JUST GLAD SOMEONEWAS THERE TO CAPTURE

THIS IMPORTANT MOMENTIN BLACK HISTORY.

AND FOR THAT,WE THANK YOU.

WE ALL KNOW THAT.IT'S PART OF LIFE.

BUT PLEASE HAVETHE COMMON COURTESY

TO NOT STEAL THEMFROM YOUR DEALER.

- I GOT THE MONEYRIGHT HERE.

CAN I JUST FIND OUT?

IT'S FIRE AS FUCK, DUDE.

THAT'S SOME GOOD SHIT.

IT'S GOOD.

[car revs]

- [indistinct]

[crash]

- SHIT!

- I TRIED THE SAME THINGAT SONIC ONCE.

THE GUY HUNG ONFOR THREE BLOCKS

BEFORE I PELTED HIMWITH A CHERRY LIMEADE.

HE'S TAKING FOOD OUT OFAN HONEST DRUG DEALER'S MOUTH.

BUT THEN I FEEL BADFOR THE WHITE KID

BECAUSE YOU DON'T EVERWANT TO DRIVE

AND HAVE SOMEBODY HANGINGON YOUR CAR

AND THEM JUST, LIKE, LOOK AT YOULIKE, "OH, YOU FUCKED UP."

LIKE--LIKE,I DON'T KNOW.

"I'VE BEEN A CRIMINALFOR A LONG TIME."

I STILL LIKE THE WHITE GUY'SCHANCES IN COURT.

BY THE WAY, THEY ACTUALLY BECAMEREALLY GOOD FRIENDS,

AND TO THIS DAY,LAUGH ABOUT IT.

[chuckles]

I'M KIDDING.HE KILLED HIM.

ALL RIGHT,NOW YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE

HIS NEXT DUMB DECISION.

IF YOU COULDN'T OUTRUNA BLACK GUY IN A CAR,

WHAT MAKES YOU THINKYOU CAN DO IT ON FOOT?

- SHIT.- WE'RE STUCK.

- WE'RE STUCK.

- WAY TO KEEPA COOL HEAD.

JUST LIKEWE DREW IT UP.

EXCEPT FOR THE PARTWHERE THE DRUG DEALER

WAS HANGING ONTO YOUR CARAND YOU WRECKED INTO A TREE.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GET HOME,UPLOAD THIS TO THE INTERNET.

OH, IF ONLY THERE WASAN EASIER WAY TO GET WEED.

BECAUSE WEEDIS REALLY EASY TO GET.

WHY GO THROUGHALL OF THIS TR--

THE NEXT VIDEO ISN'T THE ONEI WANTED TO SHOW YOU

- IT IS IN THE ARTOF MARRIAGE

THAT THE LITTLE THINGSARE THE BIG THINGS.

IT'S NEVER BEINGTOO OLD TO HOLD HANDS.

[thunder rumbles]

- [gasps]OH, MY...

- WE'LL DOTHE SAND CEREMONY NOW.

- OKAY.

- JENNIFER AND GUSTAVO TODAY

WILL JOIN SEPARATE LIVESTOGETHER.

THE TWO SEPARATE BOTTLES OF SANDSYMBOLIZE YOUR SEPARATE LIVES,

SEPARATE FAMILIES,AND SEPARATE SETS OF FRIENDS.

I'M GOING TO MAKETHIS QUICK, OKAY?

- I CAN'T SEE HIM.I CAN'T SEE US.

- BY THE AUTHORITY VESTED IN MEIN THE STATE OF ARIZONA,

I NOW PRONOUNCE YOUHUSBAND AND WIFE.

CONGRATULATIONS,YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.

[cheers and applause]

- HE WILL LITERALLY HAVETO KNOCK THE DUST

OFF HER PUSSYIN THE HONEYMOON SUITE.

GUSTAVO AND JENNIFER'S CEREMONYWAS RUINED BY A SANDSTORM,

PROVING THAT GODREALLY MUST HATE IT

WHEN WHITE GIRLSMARRY MEXICANS.

I CAN'T STAND BEINGINVITED TO WEDDINGS.

I WOULDN'T SHOW UP TO ONEIF IT WERE IN MY HOUSE.

YOUR SPECIAL DAYIS MY SATURDAY.

SO IT'S PRETTY SPECIALTO ME TOO.

THE ONLY WEDDING THERE ISA CHANCE I'D GO TO IS MY OWN,

AND I STILL MIGHTJUST SEND A GIFT.

YOU KNOW WHO ELOPES?CONSIDERATE PEOPLE.

SO YOU AND YOUR DESTINATIONWEDDING IN FIJI

CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF.

NOTHING LOOKS WORSE ON A WOMANTHAN A WEDDING DRESS,

EXCEPT FOR THAT GIRLIN THE NOVEMBER RAIN VIDEO,

BUT ONLY BECAUSE THAT DRESSWAS SUPER SLUTTY

AND SHE HAD THE DECENCY TODIE RIGHT AFTER THE RECEPTION.

WEDDINGS ARE WALL-TO-WALLSTUPID TRADITIONS.

IF YOU BELIEVETHAT CATCHING THE BOUQUET

MEANS YOU'LL BETHE NEXT ONE TO GET MARRIED,

THEN YOU PROBABLYALSO BELIEVE

THAT YOU'RENOT DESPERATE AND SAD.

THROWING RICEIS ONLY APPROPRIATE

WHEN TWO ASIANSGET MARRIED.

AND THERE'S ALWAYSTHOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

WORTH OF FLOWERS--SORRY!

BUT NOTHING IS GOING TO MASKTHE STENCH OF SETTLING.

THAT HAPPY COUPLE JUST WANTEDTO PROCLAIM THEIR LOVE

TO THE WORLDWHEN MOTHER NATURE OBJECTED.

SO I GAVE THEM THE CHANCE TORENEW THEIR VOWS IN HOLLYWOOD,

WHERE PEOPLE ONLY GET MARRIEDTO SQUASH GAY RUMORS,

IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

GUYS, THIS ISTHE BEST HONEYMOON EVER.

[water bubbling]

- [awkwardly laughs]

- THIS IS THE FIRST TIMEYOU GUYS HAVE BEEN

IN A HOT TUB WITHANOTHER MAN?

- YES.- YES.

- [laughs]- IT'S NOT BAD, RIGHT?

- NO, IT'S A GREAT TIME.- IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

- IT'S ENJOYABLE.

WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO GETMARRIED IN THE ARIZONA DESERT?

- BOTH OF OURS, YEAH.- YEAH.

- WELL, IT'S ARIZONA.IT RARELY RAINS OVER THERE.

WE DIDN'T THINK ANYTHINGOF IT.

- TELL ME EVERYTHINGABOUT THE WEDDING

AND--AND THE STORMTHAT HAPPENED THAT DAY,

EITHER ONE OF YOU.

- SUPPOSED TO HAVE RAINTHAT DAY.

IT STARTED IN PROCESSIONTO THE WEDDING.

THE JUDGE WAS DOING HIS THING,"I PRONOUNCE YOU THIS AND THIS."

WHEN I LOOKED UP, THATDUST STORM WAS ALREADY ON US.

- DID IT RUIN EVERYTHING?

- THE RECEPTION WAS INSIDE.

SO IT WAS JUST--THE OUTSIDE PARTWAS JUST FOR THE CEREMONY.

- DID IT MAKE YOU CRY?

- NO, IT DIDN'TMAKE ME CRY.

- MY GUESS WAS THATYOU HAD LOST YOUR MIND.

- IT WAS FUNNY.

- ARE YOU LEGALLY MARRIED?

- YES, WE'RE LEGALLY MARRIED.- YES, WE'RE LEGALLY MARRIED.

- 'CAUSE IT SEEMS LIKEHE HURRIED UP

AND SKIPPED QUITE A BIT.

- IT SEEMED THAT WAY,

BUT HE DID GET THROUGHA LOT OF IT THOUGH, TOO.

- WHAT IS A HABOOB?

- A BIG WALL OF DUST.

- DOES IT HAPPEN OFTEN?

- I WOULD SAY AT LEASTA COUPLE TIMES A YEAR.

- COULD YOU BREATHEDURING IT?

- I WAS FACING IT, SO YOU WOULDGET PELTED WITH DIRT.

LIKE, YOU KNOW--- [cackling]

- YOU COULD STILLBREATHE IN IT.

- IS A HABOOBBAD LUCK FOR A WEDDING?

- COULDN'T TELL YOU.- I THINK IT IS.

- BUT RAIN IS GOOD LUCK,AND IT RAINED RIGHT AFTER.

- RAIN IS GOOD LUCK.

LIKE, GOD JUST THROWINGTONS AND TONS OF DIRT

ON YOUR WHITE DRESSCANNOT BE GOOD LUCK.

BE HONEST, YOU BOTHWERE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS

DURING THAT WEDDING, YES?

- NO.- NO.

- IT'S SUCHA SERIOUS DAY.

JUST PURE CHAOS IS GOING ON.

- RIGHT.YEAH.

- ARE YOU MEXICAN?- NO.

- ARE YOU MEXICAN?- YES.

- ARE YOU THINKINGOF CONVERTING TO MEXICAN-ISM?

- [laughs]- NO.

- YOU WILL NOT.- NO, NOT--

- ARE YOU GOING TO RAISEYOUR CHILDREN MEXICAN?

- I'M SURE THAT THEY WILL HAVESOME LATINO VIBE IN THEM.

- MIXED CHILDREN ARETHE BEST-LOOKING KIDS.

- WE DO HAVE ONE.SHE'S VERY PRETTY.

- BABY?- YES, SHE WAS--

JENNY WAS PREGNANT AT THE TIME.- I WAS PREGNANT.

- YOU WERE PREGNANTAT THE WEDDING?

- I WAS PREGNANTDURING THE WEDDING.

- WELL, SO YOU AREPART MEXICAN.

- RIGHT, TECHNICALLYI GUESS NOW I'VE HAD ONE.

- IS IT POSSIBLEGOD SENT THAT SANDSTORM

BECAUSE YOU WERE PREGNANTOUT OF WEDLOCK?

- I HOPE NOT.[laughs]

- DID YOU PROPOSEDURING KATRINA?

- [laughs]NO, I DID NOT.

- WHEN YOU SEE MOTHER NATUREKILL THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE,

DOES IT REMIND YOUOF YOUR BIG DAY?

- NO.- NO, IT DOES NOT.

- ALL RIGHT,EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE IDIOTS

FOR GETTING MARRIEDIN THE ARIZONA DESERT,

I THINK YOU DESERVEA MAKEUP WEDDING.

AND I'D LIKE TO THROW YOU ONEINSIDE A CHURCH

LIKE NORMAL PEOPLEWITH MONEY.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,WILL YOU LET ME MARRY YOU?

- YES.- YES.

- OKAY.[glasses clink]

LET'S GET DRUNK.

- [laughs]

[wedding march]

[La Cucaracha plays]

- IS THIS THE TRADITIONALBRIDAL MUSIC?

- YES.

- SHOULDN'T WE WAITFOR HER FAMILY?

- I DON'T THINKTHEY SUPPORT THIS.

- OH, BLOOD.[groaning]

AAH!FROGS!

THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE.

GOD IS SENDING PLAGUES.

ALL RIGHT,LET'S SPEED THIS UP.

JENNIFER, DO YOU TAKE GUSTO BE YOUR HUSBAND

TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?

THAT'S LICE.

WE'VE ALL GOT LICE.

THAT'S NUMBER THREE.

JUST USE THESE COMBSAND SAY, "I DO."

- I DO.

[flies buzzing]- OH, FLIES.

[slap]

THERE IS A BIG ONE,SORRY.

- PSST!GUSTAVO.

YOUR LIVESTOCK IS DEAD.

[flies buzzing]

- GRIEVE FOR HIM LATER.

LET'S HURRY THIS ALONG.

GUS, DO YOU TAKE JENNIFERTO BE YOUR WIFE

TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?

- YES.

- OKAY, THAT'S JUST A BOIL.

LITTLE PROACTIV SHOULD CLEARTHAT RIGHT UP, GUS.

- I DO.

- OH, MAN.

HAIL.

LET'S RIDE THIS ONE OUTUNTIL LOCUSTS.

HERE, PUT THESEON EACH OTHER.

BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME,I PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE.

YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.

[thunder rumbles]- [smooches]

- GUS, THAT'S MY PENIS.

THAT WAS ONLY NINE PLAGUES.

THERE SHOULD BE ONE MORE.

- FREEZE!NO ONE MOVE!

- [speaking Spanish]

- WAIT.

- GET ON THE GROUND!EVERYBODY DOWN!

[guns clicking]

- [screams]

- IMMIGRATIONIS THE TENTH PLAGUE?

- YEAH,LOOKS THAT WAY.

NOW LET'S GET BACKTO YOUR HOTEL ROOM

AND USE THAT BATH.

- HELLO, AND WELCOME TOTHE BATHMATE INTRODUCTION VIDEO.

THE BATHMATE WORKSBY FORCING BLOOD

INTO THE SPONGY TISSUEIN YOUR PENIS.

THIS MEANS THATWHEN YOU HAVE AN ERECTION,

YOUR PENIS WILL BE LONGER,THICKER, AND WITH MORE STAMINA.

THINK OF IT AS YOURPERSONAL PENIS EXERCISE TOOL.

- MOST OF OUR USERSLIKE TO INCORPORATE

THEIR BATHMATE EXPERIENCE

INTO THEIR NORMALSHOWER HYGIENE.

ONE, SHOWER FOR A WHILETO LOOSEN UP THE SCROTUM.

TWO, PLACE YOUR PENISINSIDE THE UNIT

AND PUMP A FEW TIMESTO CREATE THE VACUUM SEAL.

THREE, WITH REGULAR INTERVALS,APPLY MORE PRESSURE

BY PUMPING THE BATHMATE.

FOR BEGINNERS, WE RECOMMENDTHAT YOU TAKE IT SLOW.

JUST AS AT THE GYM,YOU WOULD NOT PICK UP

200-KILO WEIGHTSRIGHT AWAY.

AFTER 15 TO 20 MINUTES,SIMPLY PRESS THE RELEASE VALVE

AND REMOVE THE BATHMATEFROM YOUR PENIS.

- HOW IS THAT NOTFRONT PAGE NEWS?

WE'VE CUREDSMALL DICK DISEASE.

I'LL BE HONEST,

I LIKE HOW MY PENISLOOKS FLACCID.

BUT WHEN IT GETS ERECT,

IT LEAVES SOMETHINGTO BE DESIRED.

SO I DECIDED IT WAS HIGH TIMETO INCORPORATE THE BATHMATE

INTO MY REGULARWORKOUT ROUTINE.

[inhales]

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S THREE.WHAT'S NEXT?

- GOOD, LET'S FOCUSON SOME LOWER BODY NOW.

- OH,YOU'RE KILLING ME.

ALL RIGHT.

[exhales]

WHOA,THAT IS IMPRESSIVE.

HE'S NOT EVEN GONNAWIPE IT DOWN.

SOME PEOPLE HAVENO COMMON COURTESY.

[grunts]

[exhales]

- GOOD.

GOOD.

FEEL THE BURN.THAT'S IT.

IMAGINE HOW GOODIT'S GONNA FEEL

RUNNING AROUND WITH THAT HUGEDICK BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS.

- [exhales]- DON'T PUSS OUT ON ME.

- GOT ONE MORE.

- ALL RIGHT,I'LL SPOT YOU.

- OH.

OHH.

I PRAY THAT THINGIS DISHWASHER SAFE.

>> GUYS, THIS IS THE BEST

HONEYMOON EVER.

>> [chuckles]

>> IS THIS THE FIRST TIME YOU

GUYS HAVE BEEN IN A HOT TUB WITH

ANOTHER MAN?

>> YES.

>> YES.

>> [laughing]

>> IT'S NOT BAD, RIGHT?

>> NO, IT'S A GREAT TIME.

>> IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

[laughs]

>> OKAY, FIRST QUESTION.

GUSTAVO--GUS?

>> YES, GUS.

>> WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

>> ARIZONA.

>> AND, JENNIFER, WHERE

ARE YOU FROM?

>> KANSAS.

>> EBONY AND IVORY.

[both laugh]

>> SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> WHERE DID YOU GUYS MEET?

>> COLLEGE.

>> YEAH.

>> DO YOU LIVE IN ARIZONA NOW?

>> YEAH.

>> WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO GET

MARRIED IN THE ARIZONA DESERT?

>> BOTH OF OURS.

>> YEAH.

>> BOTH OF OURS, YEAH.

>> DID YOU THINK THAT WAS

A GOOD IDEA?

>> OF COURSE.

>> BUT OUTSIDE IN THE DESERT?

>> WELL, IT'S ARIZONA;

IT RARELY RAINS.

WE DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING OF IT.

>> SURE.

>> THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT IDEA.

>> WHAT IS A "HABOOB"?

>> A BIG WALL OF DUST.

>> DOES THAT HAPPEN OFTEN?

>> AT LEAST--YEAH, I WOULD SAY

AT LEAST A COUPLE TIMES A YEAR.

YEAH.

>> ARE YOU LEGALLY MARRIED?

>> both: YES, WE'RE LEGALLY

MARRIED.

>> YES.

>> OKAY, THAT MARRIAGE COUNTED.

>> YES, THAT MARRIAGE COUNTED.

>> 'CAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE--

IT SEEMED LIKE HE HURRIED UP

AND SKIPPED QUITE A BIT.

>> HE--IT SEEMED THAT WAY,

BUT HE DID GET THROUGH A LOT

OF IT, THOUGH, TOO.

>> DID THE GUESTS STICK IT OUT?

>> FAMILY, FRIENDS--THEY ALL

STUCK IT OUT.

IT WAS--THEY'RE TROOPERS.

>> COULD YOU BREATHE DURING IT?

>> I WAS FACING IT, SO YOU WERE

GETTING PELTED WITH DIRT.

LIKE--YOU KNOW, THAT WAS--

>> [chortles]

>> YOU'RE STILL BREATHING IT.

>> TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT

THE WEDDING AND THE STORM

THAT HAPPENED THAT DAY.

EITHER ONE OF YOU.

>> SUPPOSED TO HAVE RAIN

THAT DAY.

WE WERE HOPING TO AVOID

THE RAIN.

A LITTLE CLOUDY--WE TOOK

THE PICTURES.

WASN'T BAD AT ALL.

STARTED THE PROCESSION TO

THE WEDDING.

JUDGE WAS DOING HIS THING.

"I PRONOUNCE YOU THIS AND THIS."

WHEN I LOOKED UP, THAT DUST

STORM WAS ALREADY ON US.

IT GOT UGLY.

IT GOT REAL UGLY REAL QUICK.

>> DID IT RUIN EVERYTHING?

>> THE RECEPTION WAS INSIDE,

SO IT WAS JUST--THE OUTSIDE

PART WAS JUST FOR THE CEREMONY.

>> DID IT MAKE YOU CRY?

>> NO, IT DIDN'T MAKE ME CRY.

>> REALLY?

>> NO.

>> MY GUESS WAS THAT YOU HAD

LOST YOUR MIND.

>> IT WAS FUNNY.

>> IS A HABOOB BAD LUCK

FOR A WEDDING?

>> COULDN'T TELL YOU.

>> I THINK IT IS.

[both laugh]

>> BUT RAIN IS GOOD LUCK,

AND IT RAINED RIGHT AFTER.

>> RAIN IS GOOD LUCK.

DIRT--LIKE, GOD JUST THROWING

TONS AND TONS OF DIRT ON YOUR

WHITE DRESS CANNOT BE GOOD LUCK.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

>> THREE MONTHS.

>> THREE MONTHS.

>> EVER GO TO TEMPE?

>> YEAH, WE HAVE.

>> I GOT SOME FRIENDS WHO GO

TO THE RAGE CASTLE.

YOU EVER BEEN THERE?

>> NO.

>> OH.

GOOD TIMES.

>> YEAH, GOOD TIMES?

>> [laughs]

>> IS IT BAD LUCK IF HABOOB SAND

GETS MIXED WITH WEDDING SAND?

>> NO.

>> BY THE WAY, WHAT WAS THAT

SAND THING?

>> INSTEAD OF DOING THE UNITY

CANDLE, WE DECIDED TO DO

THE SAND CEREMONY BECAUSE WE

WERE OUTSIDE, SO WE WERE

THINKING, "THE WIND, SO WE'LL

JUST DO SAND," AND THEN--

>> [chortles]

OH, THAT'S PERFECT.

>> [laughs]

>> BE HONEST, YOU BOTH WERE

HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS DURING

THAT WEDDING, YES?

>> NO.

>> NO.

>> DID YOU BLAME THE WEDDING

PLANNER FOR NOT KNOWING THERE

WOULD BE A SANDSTORM?

>> I DIDN'T BLAME HER.

I WAS A LITTLE UPSET IT

HAPPENED, BUT, YOU KNOW, THEN

AGAIN, YOU CAN'T CONTROL

THE WEATHER, SO...

>> DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY

TO WATCH IT?

>> YEAH, IT'S FUNNY.

>> DO YOU SEE WHY PEOPLE ENJOY

WATCHING IT?

>> YES, YES, I DO.

>> IT'S SUCH A SERIOUS DAY.

>> [laughs]

>> THERE'S JUST--PURE CHAOS

IS GOING ON.

ARE YOU MEXICAN?

>> NO.

>> ARE YOU MEXICAN?

>> YES.

>> ARE YOU THINKING OF

CONVERTING TO MEXICANISM?

>> [laughing] NO.

>> YOU WILL NOT?

>> NO, I'M NOT CONVERTING--

>> HUH, ARE YOU GONNA RAISE YOUR

CHILDREN MEXICAN?

>> I'M SURE THAT THEY WILL HAVE

SOME LATINO VIBE IN THEM.

>> MIXED CHILDREN ARE THE BEST

LOOKING KIDS.

>> WE DO HAVE ONE.

SHE'S VERY PRETTY.

>> YES, SHE IS.

>> OH, SO YOU ARE PART MEXICAN.

>> WELL, TECHNICALLY NOW.

I'VE HAD ONE.

>> WHAT DID YOUR KIDS THINK

OF THE WEDDING?

>> WELL, SHE WAS ACTUALLY THERE

AT THE WEDDING, SO I'LL GET

HER REACTION WHEN SHE CAN

ACTUALLY TALK TO ME NOW.

>> SHE--BABY?

>> YEAH, SHE WAS--

JENNY WAS PREGNANT AT THE TIME.

>> YOU WERE PREGNANT AT

THE WEDDING?

>> I WAS PREGNANT DURING

THE WEDDING.

>> THAT'S PRETTY EXCITING.

I DON'T THINK I KNEW THAT.

IS IT POSSIBLE GOD SENT THAT

SANDSTORM BECAUSE YOU WERE

PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK?

>> [laughing] I HOPE NOT.

[laughs]

>> WHEN YOU SEE MOTHER NATURE

KILL THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE, DOES

IT REMIND YOU OF YOUR BIG DAY?

>> both: NO.

>> IT DOES NOT.

>> DID YOU PROPOSE

DURING KATRINA?

>> NO, I DID NOT.

>> [laughs]

>> HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN IN ANY

OTHER STORMS BEFORE?

>> RAINSTORMS.

>> YEAH.

>> DOES THAT COUNT?

>> GO TO KANSAS, GET YOURSELF IN

A TORNADO.

>> THERE YOU GO.

>> OH, THAT'S GOOD TIMES.

GUS, DOES YOUR FAMILY

ACCEPT JENNIFER?

>> YES, YES, THEY DO.

>> DID THEY WANT YOU TO MARRY

A LATINO?

>> NO, THEY DIDN'T REALLY HAVE

A PREFERENCE OF WHO I MARRIED.

>> HOW ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?

>> THEY ACCEPT HIM.

>> YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY?

>> THEY ALL ACCEPT HIM,

EXCEPT I DO HAVE SOME FAMILY

THAT LIKE TO CRACK JOKES EVERY

TIME HE COMES AROUND.

>> YOU HAVE TO HAVE ONE RACIST

UNCLE, RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT, EVEN THOUGH YOU GUYS

WERE IDIOTS FOR GETTING MARRIED

IN THE ARIZONA DESERT, I THINK

YOU DESERVE A MAKEUP WEDDING,

AND I'D LIKE TO THROW YOU ONE

INSIDE A CHURCH, LIKE NORMAL

PEOPLE WITH MONEY.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW: WILL

YOU LET ME MARRY YOU?

>> both: YES.

>> OKAY.

LET'S GET DRUNK.

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