July 16, 2009 - Balloon Guy Bill

  • 07/16/2009

Balloon Guy Bill Monroe gets a Web Redemption, and Daniel plays Hungry Hungry Hippos with LeBron James.

AHH!SURPRISE.

BILL.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

DID YOU COME BYHOT AIR BALLOON?

WERE YOU WAITING FOR THAT ONE?

BOOM!

HOW DID YOU GET INVOLVEDWITH BALLOONS?

- WELL, IT STARTEDWITH THIS ARTICLE

IN NATIONAL ENQUIRER.

THIS GENTLEMAN,OR I SHOULD SAY PERSON,

GETTING INTOA HUGE, INFLATED BALLOON,

ONLY THING IS,HE'S THIN.

AND HE POPS THEMAS HE GETS OUT.

- RIGHT.AND YOU?

- DECIDED TO TRYFOR GOING IN

THEN GETTING OUTWITHOUT POPPING THEM.

- AND YOU FAILED.

- YEAH, I FAILEDA FEW TIMES, YES.

- WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERON FAMILY MATTERS?

- HMM.

HARD TO SAY, REALLY.

I CAN TELL YOUIT AIN'T URKEL THOUGH.

- [chuckles]

- BUT TELL YOU THE TRUTH,I DON'T REALLY HAVE

A FAVORITE CHARACTERIN THAT SHOW.

- YOU MIGHT BEMY FAVORITE PERSON

ON THIS PLANET,HANDS DOWN.

DOWN THE HATCH?

- YEAH.

[high-pitched]OKAY.

- [high-pitched]HOW'S THAT FEEL, BILL?

- [high-pitched]OH, WELL,

IT DOESN'T FEELANY DIFFERENT,

BUT MY VOICE, WELL,SOUNDS MORE LIKE A CHIPMUNK.

- ALL RIGHT, BILL,ARE YOU READY?

- YES.

- OKAY, LET'S GO SUIT UP.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNABRING YOUR OWN BALLOON.

- OH, NO, NO, I GOT IT.

- YOU DON'T WANTTO GET INSIDE THIS?

- THERE'S NO ROOMINSIDE THAT.

- OH.

SAVE THAT FOR LATER.

LET'S CRANK THIS THING UP.

IS THAT ENOUGH?- YEAH, IT SHOULD BE.

- HOLD ON.NO, NO, NO, I DON'T--

OKAY, BILL,THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW

ARE YOU READYTO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?

- YEAH.

- YOU NEED TO GET IN AND OUTSUCCESSFULLY.

- RIGHT.

- ALL RIGHT, BUDDY,GOOD LUCK.

[suspenseful music]

BILL, IT'S FAIR TO SAY

THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENTOF MY LIFE.

- UH-HUH.

WHOA.

SLOWLY BUT SURELY.

- OH, YOU'RE WORKINGOVER THE JUNK.

- OH, MAN.- WHAT'S GOING ON?

- THERE'S A HOLE IN IT.

I'M GOING TO HAVETO GET OUT OF THIS ONE.

- NO, I THINKYOU JUST KEEP GOING DOWN.

- OKAY.

I'M GONNA LET YOU KNOWONE THING.

- WHAT'S THAT?- IT MIGHT POP.

WHOA.- HANG ON.

- I GOT ONE FOOT IN.- GOOD.

TAKE YOUR TIME.TAKE YOUR TIME.

- AND I'M GOING TO BRINGTHE OTHER FOOT IN...NOW.

- OKAY, STAY IN THERE, BILL.STAY IN THERE.

I'M GONNA GO GET CHANGED.I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I'M READY.

- OKAY, I'M GONNA MOVE AROUND.

- OKAY, BILL,QUIT ROLLING OFF.

DON'T GO TOO FAR.- OH.

- WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOWIS THE CROWNING.

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

OH, BILL!

THE WORLD WANTS YOU OUT.

PUSH, PUSH.

IS IT CUTTING OFF CIRCULATION?

[dramatic music]

HANG IN THERE, BUDDY.

BILL.

OH, YOU'RE SO CLOSE.

- [groaning]

[as Fat Albert]HEY, HEY, HEY.

- PUSH.

PUSH.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU WANT TO JUSTCOME INTO THE WORLD NATURALLY.

HERE COMESANOTHER CONTRACTION.

BREATHE, BREATHE.

- THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING, DUDE.- BREATHE.

YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB.

I'M NOT GONNA LOSE YOU.

OH, BILL.OH, BILL.

OH, BILL!HOO-HOO-HOO!

YES!

YES!

OH! OH!

OH, IT'S A BOY.

IT'S A BOY.

THIS IS SO GOOD.

LET ME SPANK YOU.

NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMESI DELIVER A 55-YEAR-OLD MAN,

IT NEVER GETS OLD.

I HAD A GREAT TIME, BILL.

TRAVEL SAFE, BUDDY.

- I WILL.TAKE CARE, DUDE.

- BYE.

- BYE.

- BYE, BILL.

BYE, BILL.

EVERY TIME THERE'S A RAINBOW,I'LL KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING.

CAN YOU GUESSWHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

- OH! OHH!

- YEAH!

OH!

[laughter and applause]

IF YOU GUESSEDTHAT SHE WOULD WRECK

INTO AN EVEN OLDER LADYIN A WHEELCHAIR,

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

GRANDMA'S FINE.

THAT'S THE GREAT PARTABOUT HITTING SOMEONE

THAT'S ALREADY PARALYZED.

JUST DON'T COUNT ON THAT$5 BIRTHDAY CHECK THIS YEAR.

CAN YOU GUESSWHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

[laughter]

NOT EVEN NOSTRADAMUSCOULD PREDICT THIS VIDEO

WOULD END WITH INCEST.

HEY, CAPTAIN APPROPRIATE,NOW IS NOT THE TIME

TO BUTT[bleep]YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW.

WE'RE NOT EVEN FINISHED.GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

IT'S A MIRACLE.

THAT'S RIGHT.GRANDMA CAN STAND.

TURNS OUTSHE WASN'T PARALYZED, NO.

LIKE EVERYONE ELSEFROM THE SOUTH,

SHE'S JUST FAT AND LAZY.

YEAH.

SEND YOUR HATE MAIL TO ME,

IF YOU CAN FIGURE OUTHOW TO WORK THE INTERNET.

[laughter and applause]

KAUFMAN'S ALIVE.

YOU DON'T JUST POUND AWAY.THAT'S BEGINNER.

ALWAYS PICK THE PINK HIPPO.

HE'S GOT A KNACK FOR BALLS.

YEAH, LEBRON'S MY BITCH!

- MY FRIEND NATHAN,WE'RE GONNA SEE

IF I CAN GET HIMINSIDE A BALLOON.

- PUT YOUR HEAD IN THERE.OH, YEAH.

- GET IT IN.SEAL IT UP.

NATHAN, SEAL IT UP.

NATHAN!

- HE DID IT.

- HERE YOU GO, NATHAN.- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- CAMERA.

NATHAN?- WHAT'S UP?

- THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKEIN YOUR WORLD.

I WANT YOUTO GET ON MY SHOULDERS.

- OH, PLEASE.

- TURN AROUND.

- YOU'RE DEFLATING ALREADY.

WELL, HOW 'BOUT THAT?

- WOW.

[laughing]

YES!

I CAN SMELL YOUR [bleep].

HERE, HELP ME GET IT OFF.

- IT'S HOT IN THERE.

- [panting]THAT'S FINE.

- CHOCOLATE PUDDING, MMM.

- WHERE DO YOU PUT THE PUDDING?

THE PUDDING POP.

THE PUDDING POPS A COMING.

WHAT YOU GOT TO DO IS YOU PUTTHE PUDDING IN THE SPOON

IN YOUR MOUTH,AND YOU JUST--

- SWIRL IT AROUND,AND THEN YOU SPIT IT OUT.

RUDY!

THEO!

AND MY WIFE, CAMILLE,YOU SEE?

- AND THE PUDDING POP.

- WITH THE JELL-OPUDDING POPS

AND THE SWEATERS,

AND I'M BILL COSBY.

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