February 17, 2010 - Prom Girl

  • 02/17/2010

Falling Prom Girl gets a Web Redemption, and Daniel recreates level 1-1 from Super Mario Bros.

HI, JILL.- HI, DANIEL.

- WELCOME TO THE TOPOF THE WORLD.

OH! I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'TWEAR YOUR DRESS.

- YEAH.

- CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU FELLDOWN THESE STAIRS?

[audience laughter]

- THAT WOULD BE AWFUL.

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GETREADY FOR PROM.

IT IS A BIG NIGHT.

NICOLE KIDMAN IS STILL LOOKINGASEXUAL AS ALWAYS.

GLAD YOU'RE NOT WEARINGTHIS DRESS.

OKAY, JILL, TELL MEWHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT.

- UH, I WAS WALKINGDOWN THE STAIRS

AND MY BROTHERWANTED TO FILM IT,

AND MY HEELS GOT CAUGHTON THE CARPET

AND I JUST SLIPPED.

- IT DID LOOKLIKE YOUR FACE HIT.

- IT DIDN'T.- IT DIDN'T.

- NO, I THINK MY ARMBROKE MY FALL.

- GOOD.

I'LL BE HONEST,THE GUY IN THE HAT

KIND OF BOTHERED ME.

- [laughs]

- WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

- I DON'T KNOW.

WE WANTED TO BEAS RIDICULOUS AS POSSIBLE,

AND HE WORE A TOP HAT

AND I WORE THE BIGGEST DRESSI COULD FIND.

- IT CERTAINLY WAS HUGE.- YEAH.

- THERE WAS A LOTGOING ON THERE.

- YEAH, THERE WAS.

- WELL, HOW FAST BEFOREPEOPLE AT SCHOOL

STARTED SEEING THAT VIDEO?

- A COUPLE WEEKS.

- DID YOU READ THE COMMENTSPEOPLE POSTED?

- UH, SOME OF THEM.

- DID ANYBODY WRITEANYTHING RIDICULOUS?

- UM, A LOT OF PEOPLE SAID,LIKE,

"OH, SHE DIED AFTER."

- [laughs]- THAT'S FINE.

- YOU'RE NOT DEAD.- NO.

- YOU'RE NOT DEAD.

ARE YOU CLUMSY?- YES, VERY CLUMSY.

- REALLY?- YES.

- DO YOU GET HURT A LOT?

- NOT HURT, BUT I DO FALLAND HIT THINGS A LOT.

- HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN A BONE?- NO.

- I HAVE.- WHICH ONE?

- BOTH MY ARMSAT THE SAME TIME.

- OH!

I HAD TO WEAR A CAST UP TO HEREON BOTH ARMS IN COLLEGE

AND I STILL RODE MY BIKETO CLASS.

AND PUTTING MY BACKPACK ONWAS THE HARDEST THING.

NEXT TO WIPING.

- [laughs]

- HOW WAS THE DANCETHAT NIGHT?

- IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

I DIDN'T DANCE MUCH

'CAUSE I COULDN'T MOVEIN THE DRESS, BUT--

- OH, I THOUGHT BECAUSEYOU HAD A FRACTURED ARM.

- OH! NO.- OKAY.

- I WAS FINE. THE DRESSHELPED CUSHION THE FALL.

- WHAT'D YOU GUYS DOAFTER THE DANCE?

- WE WENT TO IHOP.

- THAT IS ROMANTIC.

DO PEOPLE RECOGNIZE YOU WHENTHEY SEE YOU ON A STAIRCASE?

- NO.

- AND FLEE?

- [laughs]

- NO?- NO.

- JILL, YOU LOOK PERFECT.- THANK YOU.

- I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

UM, I'VE SET YOU UPON A BLIND DATE

WITH A PERSONAL FRIENDOF MINE.

I THINK YOU'RE GONNAHAVE A GREAT TIME

THIS EVENING WITH HIM.

I NEED TO GO GET READY.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,

ARE YOU READY TO GIVE ITANOTHER SHOT?

- I'M READY.- OKAY.

CASTRO, COME ON.

WE'LL LEAVE YOUTO PUT YOUR DRESS ON,

AND I'LL SEE YOUIN A MINUTE.

[audience laughter]

HONEY, YOUR DATE'S HERE.

[audience laughter]

- COMING.

- OH, MY.

YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANGEL.- THANK YOU.

- NOW HURRY UP.

[ethereal music]

[audience laughter]

JILL, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOUTO YOUR BLIND DATE.

HE IS A CELEBRITYAMONGST CELEBRITIES.

HE IS A MOVIE ICON.

THE HEDGEHOG HIMSELF,MR. RON JEREMY.

- HI. HE'S RIGHT. YOU DOLOOK LOVELY TONIGHT.

- THANK YOU.

- HERE YOU GO.THIS IS FOR YOU.

- RON, YOU BE A GENTLEMANTONIGHT.

I KNOW YOU WILL.

YOU GUYSHAVE A GREAT TIME.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

- THANK YOU.I'LL HAVE HER BACK AT MIDNIGHT.

- MAKE IT 1:00.

[audience laughter]

TASTES LIKE THE INSIDEOF SOME GUY'S STOMACH?

[overlapping chatter]

[audience ohs]

NICOLE RICHEY USED TO DOTHE SAME THING WITH FOOD.

[overlapping chatter]

ATTACH A BRITA TO HIS MOUTHAND SEND HIM TO HAITI PRONTO.

[audience laughter]

THAT IS THE CLEANEST WATERIN THE REGION,

AND I SHOULD KNOW.

[overlapping chatter]

ARE YOU BACKWASHING THIS?

[audience laughter]

YOU SHOULD GET A JOBAT THE BELLAGIO.

YOU REALLY NEED TO SEETHAT WHOLE VIDEO.

GO TO OUR WEBSITE.

- YEAH, GO FOR IT.

OH! OH! OH, MY GOD!

- OH, IT'S BROKE.

- OH, MY GOD,ARE YOU OKAY?

- YEAH, SEE?

[audience ohs]

- THAT LOOKS SPRAINED.

[audience laughter]

THAT'S A LOTOF MILK CRATES.

TURNS OUT DRINKINGTONS OF MILK

DOESN'T MAKE YOUR BONESAS STRONG AS YOU THOUGHT.

DID YOU NOTICE THERE'SAN ABOVE-GROUND POOL

AND A TRAMPOLINE?

SOMEBODY MUST HAVE GONE ONTO THE SECOND SHOWCASE

ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT.

HOW DO YOU DIE ON THE FIRSTLEVEL OF SUPER MARIO BROS.?

JUST GET THE FLAG AND GETIN THE [bleep] CASTLE.

YOU GET IT?

BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE LEVEL 1-1ON SUPER MARIO BROS.

I COULD DO THAT LEVELIN MY SLEEP.

[video game theme music]

- MOTHER[bleep]!

[audience laughter]

NOBODY MAKES THE MUSHROOMSLIKE MAMA.

[audience laughter]

I DON'T KNOWIF THAT'S THE MUSHROOM

OR IS THAT THE BIGGEST [bleep]TURTLE I'VE EVER SEEN?

OH!

IT'SA LOTSA COINS.

I'LL LEAVE ONE FORMY GAY BROTHER LUIGI.

[chuckles]

OH, HO HO HO HOHO HO HO!

I'M COMING FOR YOU,BOWSER.

[cheers and applause]

I DON'T KISS AND TELL,BUT PRINCESS PEACH

HAS GOT A LITTLE MORETHAN PEACH FUZZ

GOING ON DOWN THERE.

UP THEIR TICKET PRICES

SO PEOPLE LIKE THISGO BACK TO TAKING THE BUS.

[no audio]

[audience laughter]

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

AND I CAN'T BRING OVERTHREE OUNCES OF "UNOBTAINIUM"?

[audience laughter]

LET'S PUT 20 SECONDSON THE CLOCK

AND SEE HOW MANY FUNNY COMMENTSWE CAN MAKE.

I BET SHE'S GOT A BOMBIN HER UNDERWEAR TOO.

[audience laughter]

GET THESE MOTHER[bleep]CRAZY LADIES

OFF MYMOTHER[bleep] PLANE!

[audience laughter]

I LOVE THE NEXT SCENE

WHERE SHE STARTS SPEAKING JIVETO THE STEWARDESS.

TOO OLD? ALL RIGHT.

ON SECOND THOUGHT,

LET'S WEDGEKEVIN SMITH'S FAT ASS

BACK IN THAT SEAT.

THE EMPTY SEAT IS FORHER FRIEND NOBODY CAN SEE,

AND MILTON WANTSMORE SNACKS.

SOMEONE'S GOTTHE BITTER BEER FACE.

[audience laughter]

DOES BOSE MAKE ALUNATIC-CANCELING HEADPHONE?

[audience laughter]

THEY DO. IT'S A GENERATION 4,AND IT COSTS $800.

NO ONE ON SOUTHWESTCAN AFFORD THAT.

[audience laughter]

[audience ohs]

- RIGHT THERE.- MOVE IT UP HIGHER.

[audience ohs]

- IT'S OKAY. BAR DARTSARE COMPLETELY STERILE.

LET'S TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THISBULL'S-EYE THROW BY THROW

IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

[applause]

NOTICE IT STARTS OUT

LIKE EVERY OTHER VIDEOWE GET FROM ENGLAND--

WITH A DRUNK IN A PUB.

AND AFTER A FEW PINTSOF GUINNESS,

OLIVER'S MATES CONVINCE HIMTO GO TOPLESS.

EITHER HE LOST A BET

OR THE ENGLISH VERSIONOF THE BIGGEST LOSER

IS WAY MORE INTENSETHAN OURS.

[audience laughter]

I'VE SEEN THAT BUTT CRACKSMILING AT ME BEFORE.

I BELIEVE IT WAS ON THE COVEROF PEAR SHAPE MONTHLY.

[audience laughter]

YOU WOULD THINK THAT'D BEA QUARTERLY MAGAZINE.

OH, WHAT A SHOT.

CAN A DART TO THE SPINEDO DAMAGE?

APPARENTLY NOT WHEN YOURMUFFIN TOP IS MADE OF KEVLAR.

[audience laughter]

GOOD THING HE'S BEEN EATINGNOTHING BUT FISH AND CHIPS

FOR THE LAST 25 YEARS.

THEY'D HAVE TO THROWA JAVELIN

TO PIERCE ANYTHING VITAL.

OLIVER DOESN'TFEEL A THING.

I'VE SEEN GREAT WHITESFLINCH MORE

WHEN THEY GET TAGGED.

NO BLOOD EITHER.

THIS GUY'S NOT AN ALBINOAFTER ALL.

HE'S A VAMPIRE.KILL HIM!

[audience ohs]

RIGHT IN THE TEMPLE.

TWO MORE AND YOU CANCLOSE OUT THAT ZONE.

WHO'S THROWING THOSE DARTS,RICK VAUGHN?

IS THAT YOU, WILD THING?

PUT YOUR DAMN GLASSES ON.

THAT'S WHY BARSARE SWITCHING

TO THOSE CRAPPYSOFT-TIPPED DARTS

THAT SNAP OFFAFTER EVERY THROW.

HARD TO BELIEVE ENGLANDUSED TO RULE THE WORLD.

[audience laughter]

- [indistinct]

[audience laughter]

- TOMORROW,OLIVER WILL WAKE UP

TO FIND HE CAN'T HOLDA FORK

OR MOVE THE LEFT SIDEOF HIS FACE.

BUT FOR NOW, HE'S WALKING IT OFFLIKE A CHAMP.

LUCKY FOR US, HIS BUDDIESARE MASTERS AT PEER PRESSURE.

AND FOR THAT,WE THANK YOU.

[cheers and applause]

ENJOYING YOUR PUDDING.

I GOT THE RECIPEFROM THE LATEST SELECTION

FROM THE TOSH.0 BOOK CLUB.

AS YOU WELL KNOW,EVERY BOOK I HAND-SELECT

ROCKETS INTO THE TOP ONE MILLIONON AMAZON.

AND THIS WEEK'S GEM WAS NOTAN EASY FIND ON THE INTERNET.

IT'S NATURAL HARVEST,

A COLLECTION OF SEMEN-BASED RECIPES.

[audience laughter]

DELICIOUS, RIGHT?

ACCORDING TO THE BOOK,"LIKE FINE WINE AND CHEESE,

THE TASTE OF SEMENIS COMPLEX AND DYNAMIC."

I'D LIKE YOU TO KNOWTHAT OUR INGREDIENTS

ARE THE FRESHESTTHAT OUR CREW COULD PROVIDE.

[audience laughter]

OH, COME ON.BE MATURE.

IF YOU ENJOY COOKINGAND EATING FOOD

WITH DUDE NECTAR IN IT,

GO TO OUR BLOG,AND WE'LL POST A LINK

SO YOU CAN BUY A COPY.

AND I SMASHED ITWITH A GOLF CLUB.

[audience laughter]

WELL, JUDGING BY

THE OVERWHELMING NEGATIVERESPONSE ONLINE,

YOU'D HAVE THOUGHT I BURNED

A PILE OF DEAD BABIESHOLDING BIBLES.

[audience laughter]

THIS IS AMERICA, RIGHT?

LISTEN TO THESE COMMENTS.

[laughs]

SEE, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,$1 MILLION TO ME

IS LIKE $1/2 TO YOU.

[audience laughter]

NOLAN WRITES...

[audience laughter]

YEAH, IF A GIRL COULD PLAYFROM THE BLUE TEES.

[audience ohs]

AND REACH A PAR 5IN 2.

DID ANYBODY SAY ANYTHING NICEABOUT MY GAME?

"OH, IT'S COMEDY."

RIGHT.

LUKAS WRITES...

WELL SAID, LUKAS.

COUNTERPOINT...

BEACHBUM WANTS TO KNOWABOUT...

[audience laughter]

- WELL, ACTUALLYTHAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

TOO BAD THERE'S NO WI-FIIN INNER CITIES.

[audience laughter]

>> HI, JILL.

>> HI.

>> WELCOME TO THE TOP

OF THE WORLD.

>> [chortles]

>> I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T WEAR

YOUR DRESS.

CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU FELL

DOWN THESE STEPS?

>> [chuckling] NO.

>> NO?

>> NO.

>> IT'D BE BAD.

WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD

HAPPEN?

>> I WOULD DIE.

>> THAT WOULD BE BAD.

>> YEAH.

>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET READY

FOR PROM.

[whispering] DO NOT FALL.

JILL, HOW DOES IT FEEL

TO BE ON THE VERY FIRST

STAIRMASTER?

>> PRETTY GOOD.

>> IT'S GREAT THAT YOU HAVE

THIS $2 MILLION HOME

AND THIS $8 PIECE OF JUNK.

ALL RIGHT, WE GOT TO WORK

ON GETTING YOU PROFICIENT

ON STAIRS.

WE'RE GONNA GET YOUR HEART RATE

UP.

AROUND 140 IS A GOOD REDEEMING

RATE.

>> MM-HMM.

>> I PERSONALLY LIKE TO GET

MY HEART RATE AROUND 230.

>> WOW.

>> YEAH.

[footsteps clattering]

>> [laughing]

>> SEE, THAT'S PART

OF THE WORKOUT.

>> [laughs]

IT'S A GREAT WORKOUT.

>> [sighs]

IT'S CLEANSING.

MIGHT HAVE A SMALL HEART ATTACK

RIGHT NOW.

YOU CLEARLY HAVE, UH,

LEARNED EVERYTHING YOU'RE

POSSIBLY GONNA LEARN

ON THAT HORRIBLE PULLEY MACHINE.

LET'S GO GET READY FOR PROM.

LET'S MAKE YOU BEAUTIFUL.

NOT THAT YOU'RE NOT BEAUTIFUL

RIGHT THIS SECOND.

AH, SEE, IT JUST SEEMS SO WEIRD.

BE CAREFUL.

THESE STEPS ARE...

PHEW.

IT IS A BIG NIGHT.

NICOLE KIDMAN IS STILL

LOOKING ASEXUAL AS ALWAYS.

GLAD YOU'RE NOT WEARING THIS

DRESS.

PENELOPE.

MM, THAT IS A "DON'T."

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT TIGER?

>> I THINK THEY NEED TO LEAVE

HIM ALONE A LITTLE BIT.

>> REALLY?

>> YEAH.

>> YOU'RE ON HIS SIDE?

>> WELL, EVERY--

>> DID YOU DATE TIGER?

>> [laughing] NO.

>> DID YOU GO ON A DATE WITH

HIM?

>> NO.

BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE

CHEAT ALL THE TIME...

>> HOW MANY?

>> AND HE'S THE ONLY ONE

GETTING STOPPED FOR IT.

>> I'VE NEVER CHEATED.

>> WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.

[chuckles]

>> YOU KNOW WHY?

>> WHY?

>> BECAUSE I AM A RESPECTABLE

HUMAN BEING.

[toilet flushes]

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, JILL, TELL ME WHAT

HAPPENED THAT NIGHT.

>> UH, I WAS WALKING DOWN

THE STAIRS, AND MY BROTHER

WANTED TO FILM IT.

AND MY HEELS GOT CAUGHT

ON THE CARPET,

AND I JUST SLIPPED.

>> THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULDN'T

CARPET STAIRS.

>> [laughs] I AGREE.

>> STAIRS SHOULD ALWAYS BE,

LIKE, HARDWOOD OR TILE, MAYBE.

>> YEAH, I AGREE.

>> ALTHOUGH THAT MIGHT HAVE

MADE YOUR FALL A LOT WORSE.

>> THAT MIGHT HAVE HURT IT,

HURT ME A LITTLE MORE.

>> DID YOU GET HURT?

>> NOT REALLY.

I HAD A BRUISE, BUT--

>> ARE YOU UNBREAKABLE?

>> I GUESS SO.

>> THAT'S AWESOME.

DO PEOPLE RECOGNIZE YOU

WHEN THEY SEE YOU ON A

STAIRCASE?

>> [laughing] NO.

>> AND FLEE?

>> [laughs]

>> NO?

>> NO.

>> YEAH, YOU SAID IN THE VIDEO

THAT YOU HAD PANTS ON

UNDERNEATH THERE.

DID YOU?

>> I DID.

>> WHY WERE YOU WEARING PANTS?

>> WE WERE GETTING READY

UPSTAIRS AND IN, LIKE, A BIG

ROOM WITH ALL MY FRIENDS,

SO I JUST KEPT THEM ON

WHILE WE WERE CHANGING,

AND THEN KIND OF FORGOT

ABOUT THEM.

>> YOU FORGOT YOU HAD PANTS ON?

>> [laughing] YEAH.

>> ALL RIGHT.

THAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOU'RE

WEARING A HUGE DRESS.

>> [laughing] YEAH.

>> HOW LONG AGO WAS THAT?

>> ABOUT A YEAR AGO.

>> WAS IT HOMECOMING?

>> SENIOR BALL.

>> WELL, HOW FAST BEFORE

PEOPLE AT SCHOOL STARTED SEEING

THAT VIDEO?

>> UH, COUPLE WEEKS.

>> WHO PUT IT ONLINE?

>> MY BROTHER.

>> DID YOU GET UPSET

WITH HIM FOR DOING THAT?

>> NO.

>> DID PEOPLE TEASE YOU?

>> NO, THEY'D JUST TELL ME,

"OH, I SAW THAT VIDEO.

I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING."

>> IT DID LOOK LIKE YOUR FACE

HIT.

>> [laughing] IT DIDN'T.

>> IT DIDN'T?

>> NO, I THINK MY ARM BROKE

MY FALL.

>> GOOD.

DID YOU READ THE COMMENTS

PEOPLE POSTED?

>> UH, SOME OF THEM

ON SOME SITES, BUT NOT REALLY,

NO.

>> NO?

>> COUPLE.

>> DID ANYBODY WRITE ANYTHING

RIDICULOUS?

>> A LOT OF PEOPLE SAID, LIKE,

"OH, SHE DIED AFTER."

>> [laughing]

>> THAT'S FINE.

>> YOU'RE NOT DEAD.

>> NO.

>> YOU'RE NOT DEAD.

EVERYONE IS--

THAT'S THE FUNNIEST COMMENT

TO WRITE.

"SHE DIED."

BECAUSE THE FUNNY THING IS,

WHEN I READ YOUTUBE COMMENTS,

I JUST ASSUME THAT WHATEVER'S

WRITTEN IS TRUE.

HOW WAS YOUR DATE?

WAS HE--DID HE HELP YOU UP

OR WAS HE--

>> WE JUST WENT AS A BIG GROUP

OF FRIENDS, AND MY DAD

HELPED ME UP.

>> OKAY, GOOD, BECAUSE,

I'LL BE HONEST,

THE GUY IN THE HAT

KIND OF BOTHERED ME.

>> [laughing]

>> WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

WE WANTED TO BE AS RIDICULOUS

AS POSSIBLE, AND HE WORE

A TOP HAT AND I WORE

THE BIGGEST DRESS I COULD FIND.

>> OH, SO YOUR DRESS--

YOU WEREN'T EVEN TRYING--

YOU WERE TRYING TO BE--

>> SORT OF, YEAH.

>> OKAY.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T THINK--

I DIDN'T THINK ANYTHING

OF THE DRESS.

YOU LOOKED LOVELY TO ME.

>> THANK YOU.

>> BUT IT WAS--

IT CERTAINLY WAS--WAS HUGE.

>> YEAH.

>> THERE WAS A LOT GOING ON

THERE.

>> [laughing] YEAH, THERE WAS.

>> HOW WAS THE DANCE THAT NIGHT?

>> IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

I DIDN'T DANCE MUCH 'CAUSE

I COULDN'T MOVE IN THE DRESS,

BUT--

>> OH, I THOUGHT BECAUSE YOU

HAD A FRACTURED ARM.

>> [laughing] OH, NO.

NO, I WAS FINE.

THE DRESS HELPED CUSHION THE

FALL.

>> DID YOU LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY

THAT NIGHT?

>> NO.

>> [chuckling]

WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO

AFTER THE DANCE?

>> WE WENT TO IHOP.

[chortles]

>> THAT'S ROMANTIC.

ARE YOU CLUMSY?

>> YES, VERY CLUMSY.

>> REALLY?

>> YES.

>> DO YOU GET HURT A LOT?

>> NOT HURT, BUT I DO FALL

AND HIT THINGS A LOT.

BUT I NEVER REALLY GET TOO HURT.

>> HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN A BONE?

>> NO.

>> I HAVE.

>> WHICH ONE?

>> BOTH MY ARMS AT THE SAME

TIME.

>> OH.

>> I HAD TO WEAR A CAST

UP TO HERE ON BOTH ARMS

IN COLLEGE,

AND I STILL RODE MY BIKE

TO CLASS.

AND PUTTING MY BACKPACK ON

WAS THE HARDEST THING,

NEXT TO WIPING.

DID YOU STAY OUT ALL NIGHT

THAT NIGHT?

>> PRETTY MUCH.

>> YOU DON'T--DID YOU HAVE

A CURFEW?

>> NO.

>> YOU PARENTS--DID YOUR PARENTS

EVER GIVE YOU A CURFEW

YOUR SENIOR YEAR?

>> UH, THE SUMMER AFTER SENIOR

YEAR, I GOT A CURFEW.

>> SUMMER AFTER SENIOR YEAR?

>> YEAH.

>> YOU MEAN, AFTER YOU WERE

OLD ENOUGH TO JUST LEAVE?

>> YEAH.

>> AND THEN WHAT WAS YOUR

CURFEW?

>> LIKE, 1:00.

>> DID YOU DO SOMETHING TO--

I DON'T KNOW.

DID YOU DO SOMETHING

TO LOSE THEIR TRUST?

>> NO, I JUST--LIKE,

OVER THE SUMMER, ME AND MY

FRIENDS WOULD STAY OUT

TILL, LIKE, 5:00 IN THE MORNING.

>> AND THEY WERE LIKE,

"KNOCK IT OFF"?

>> YEAH.

>> WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE

PART ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?

>> UM, PROBABLY MY PHILOSOPHY

CLASS.

>> OH, YEAH? WHAT DID YOU LEARN?

>> NOTHING.

[laughs]

>> JUST ENJOYABLE?

>> YEAH, MY TEACHER WAS REALLY

FUNNY.

SO IT WAS THE BEST CLASS I HAD.

>> THAT'S GOOD.

>> MM-HMM.

>> I DON'T--PHILOSOPHY

WASN'T OFFERED IN MY HIGH

SCHOOL.

>> REALLY?

>> NO.

>> [chuckles]

>> WE HAD MATH,

SCIENCE.

AND WHAT WERE THE OTHER Rs?

>> [laughs]

>> HERE'S A PHILOSOPHY QUESTION

FOR YOU.

UM, IF YOU FALL DOWN A FLIGHT

OF STAIRS, AND NO ONE'S THERE

TO SEE YOU, DO YOU MAKE

A SOUND?

>> [laughing] I THINK SO.

>> YEAH.

PROBABLY SOUND LIKE, "OUCH."

>> [laughing] YEAH.

>> YOU DIDN'T SWEAR.

>> NO, I DON'T SWEAR.

>> YOU DON'T SWEAR EVER?

>> NO.

>> EVER?

>> NO.

>> THAT IS UNBELIEVE--

I USED TO NOT SWEAR.

>> [laughs]

>> HONESTLY.

AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,

AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE,

I JUST STARTED SWEARING

CONSTANTLY, AND IT HASN'T

STOPPED.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I COULD DO

TO KEEP MYSELF FROM SWEARING

SO MUCH?

>> MAYBE GET ONE OF THOSE

MONEY JARS YOU PUT--

YOU SWEAR, YOU PUT A QUARTER IN.

>> OH, I COULD AFFORD THAT.

>> OR GET A TASER.

>> OR A TASER?

>> TASE YOURSELF WHEN

YOUR SWEAR.

>> I THINK THE LATTER

WOULD BE A LITTLE MORE

EFFECTIVE...

>> [laughs]

>> THAN THE QUARTER.

JILL, YOU LOOK PERFECT.

>> THANK YOU.

>> I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

I'VE SET YOU UP ON A BLIND DATE

WITH A PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE.

I THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A

GREAT TIME THIS EVENING

WITH HIM.

I NEED TO GO GET READY.

THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,

ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT

ANOTHER SHOT?

>> I'M READY.

>> OKAY.

CASTRO, COME ON.

WE'LL LEAVE, UH, TO PUT

YOUR DRESS ON,

AND I'LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.

[laughs]

OUR LITTLE BABY'S GROWING UP.

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