April 29, 2014 - Spoken Word Fail

  • 04/29/2014

A skater's head gets friendly with a fire hydrant, a horse does yoga, and Daniel takes questions about his personal life from the audience.

NOW, THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN

IF YOU WERE SITTINGIN A DEPRESSING OFFICE

LIKE A NORMAL 30-YEAR-OLD.

[metal clangs]

IT WAS A GOOD RUNUP UNTIL THAT POINT.

A FIRE HYDRANT IS CITY HALL'S"EFF YOU" TO SKATERS.

IT'S THE ONLY PIECEOF PUBLIC PROPERTY

THEY CAN'T DESTROY.

[metal clangs]

ALL RIGHT, GET UPBEFORE YOU GET TOWED.

- AM I BLEEDING?

- NO, YOU JUST GOT A BIG BRUISEON YOUR CHEEK, DUDE.

- LIKE, A BIG WHITE MARK.

- THAT WHITE MARK IS HIS SKULL.

[metal clangs]

[blood splashing]

- [giggling]

- COVEREDIN A WHITE GUY'S BLOOD?

GOOD LUCK EXPLAINING THAT ONE

TO THE LOS ANGELESSHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.

OKAY, IT'S NOT FAIR

THAT THE JAPANESEGET TO WATCH SHOWS LIKE THIS

WHILE WE HAVE TO WATCHMARKY MARK'S FAMILY

MAKE HAMBURGERS.

[upbeat music]

IT'S THE 40-YARD GASH.

WHAT'S GOING ONBETWEEN THOSE LEGS?

JUST AS I SUSPECTED,

THE LITTLE MAN IN THE PINK CANOEROWING HIS BALLS OFF.

SMELLS LIKE A WORLD RECORD.

WHEN YOUR DIETIS RICH IN OCTOPUS

AND GOD PUT YOUR VAGINA ONSIDEWAYS,

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

I'M A CROWD FAVORITEBETWEEN RACES.

OH, BOY.

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

FOR WHOEVER WAS IN LANE TWO.

HOW YOU DOING, KID?

BEFORE THEY COULD AFFORDA ZAMBONI,

THEY USED TO HAVEHIGH SCHOOL HONOR STUDENTS

TOWEL UP THE FLOOR,

AND IN A COUNTRYFULL OF HONOR STUDENTS,

THAT'S A TOUGH GIG TO GET.

ALL RIGHT, MAY ZEUS HONOR USWITH SOMETHING NEXT.

[man speaking Spanish]

STILL NOT AS WEIRDAS A POOL PARTY

AT BRYAN SINGER'S HOUSE.

SHAME ON YOU, BRYAN,

FOR SCARRING THESE BOYS FOR LIFE

WITH YOUR CRAPPYSUPERHERO REMAKES.

NOW, LET'S FIND OUTHOW CENTAURS ARE MADE

IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

[cheers and applause]

THESE TELENOVELASARE GETTING GODDAMN RIDICULOUS.

WHAT A SEXY EQUESTRIAN.

THE SCENERY,THE SPANISH NARRATION--

IT'S ALL VERY ROMANTIC.

THIS MAY BETHE MOST BEAUTIFUL VIDEO

I'VE EVER SEEN.

[man speaking Spanish]

NO, IT'S NOT PEYTON MANNING

GETTING LIMBERIN THE OFF-SEASON.

THAT'S A HORSE DOING YOGA.

IF THAT FILLYREALLY WANTS A GREAT ASS,

SHE SHOULD DO HORSE PILATES.

ALL THE EXERCISE IN THE WORLDWON'T HELP THAT FACE.

[chuckling]

DON'T FORGETTO POINT YOUR HOOVES.

BEATS GETTING WHIPPEDFOR THREE MILES

AT THE KENTUCKY DERBY.

MY YOGA INSTRUCTORALMOST NEVER KISSES ME.

JUST DIP YOUR JUNK IN SALTALREADY.

I'D LIKE TO PLACE A $10 EXACTA

THAT THE JOCKEY FINISHES FIRST.

AND THEY'RE OFF

TO SCREW IN THE STABLES.

THAT'S HOW HE BECAMETHE HORSE FISTER-ER.

AND BEFORE THREE OF YOUTELL ME

YOU ALREADY SAW THIS VIDEOON @MIDNIGHT,

KNOW THAT I FOUND OUT ABOUT IT

AFTER IT WAS TOO LATETO MAKE A CHANGE.

MAYBE I SHOULD WATCHTHE SHOW MORE.

I DO.I LIKE TO PLAY ALONG AT HOME.

AS SOON AS ANYONE YELLS"POINTS,"

I TURN OFF MY TV.

AND FOR THAT, WE SAY,

NAMASTE-NEIGH!

- MARSHALL POPE IS A RAPPER

TURNED SPOKEN WORD ARTIST.

PLEASE WELCOME MARSHALLTO THE SHOW.

GOOD MORNING.

- HEY, HOW YOU DOING?- DOING WELL.

SO YOU'RE GOING TO DOA SPOKEN WORD FOR US NOW, RIGHT?

- RIGHT.IT'S JUST A FREESTYLE.

- OKAY.- I'M JUST GONNA THINK IT UP.

- GO AHEAD, MARSHALL.

- OKAY.

YEARS AGO, THEY TRIED TO--

YEARS AGO, THEY TRIED TO

PUT ME IN THE...

UH, THIS IS LIVE.

- MM-HMM.

- LAST NAME "EVER,"

FIRST NAME "WORST."

MIDDLE NAME:

MAYBE POOKIE.

THAT BIG BLACK DEERIN THE HEADLIGHTS IS MARSHALL,

AND WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HIM"YEARS AGO"

MUST HAVE BEEN VERY TRAUMATIC.

HE'S STILL THE MOST ARTICULATEMAN IN ALABAMA.

SPOKEN WORD IS JUST WHATDUDES CALL POETRY

SO PEOPLE WON'T THINK

THEY'RE SOME KIND OFPOEM-WRITIN' FAIRY BOY.

THERE ARE ONLY TWO KINDSOF PEOPLE

WHO ARE TRULY COMFORTABLESPEAKING IN PUBLIC:

ELOQUENT SCHOLARS

AND URINE-SOAKED HOBOS.

IS PUBLIC SPEAKING REALLYPEOPLE'S GREATEST FEAR?

DEPENDS ON WHO YOU ASK.

I HAVE A FEELINGIN THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES,

IT'S A LITTLE FURTHER DOWNTHE LIST.

YOU GOT DRONES, MALARIA,GENOCIDE,

AND THENTALKING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE.

I'LL LET YOU INON A LITTLE SECRET:

SOMETIMES I GET NERVOUSBEFORE I GO ONSTAGE,

BUT THEN I SUPPRESS IT

WITH A NEAR-LETHAL DOSEOF PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.

IF JFK, MLK, AND HONEST ABE

TAUGHT US ANYTHING,

IT'S THAT BEINGA BRILLIANT SPEAKER

IS A GREAT WAYTO GET SHOT IN THE HEAD.

WHO DO YOU THINK THE WORSTPUBLIC SPEAKERS OF ALL TIME ARE?

DEAF PEOPLE.

LISTEN, I THINK MARSHALLDESERVES ANOTHER CHANCE

TO WOW US WITH HIS FLOW.

THAT'S WHY I FLEWTHAT CHOKE ARTIST TO L.A.,

WHERE WE TURN ALL RAPPERSINTO TERRIBLE ACTORS,

IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.

[upbeat banjo music]

WELL, HEY, Y'ALL!

WELCOME TO TALK OF ALABAMA.

I RECKON THEY ASKED METO GUEST HOST

'CAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONEIN THESE HERE PARTS

WHO CAN READ THE TELEPROMPTER.

NOW, IN 'BAMA NEWS,

A LOCAL 19-YEAR-OLD CHILD GENIUSGRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL,

AND TOILETS HAVE BEENINSTALLED

INSIDE HOMESON THE NORTH SIDE,

AND RESIDENTS ARE LOVING IT.

LATER IN THE SHOW,DINOSAURS:

WERE THEY REAL?

PROBABLY NOT.

BUT ENOUGH OF MEFLAPPIN' MY GUMS

AND CARRYING ON AND SUCH.

TIME TO INTRODUCEMY FIRST GUEST.

MARSHALL, GET ON OUT HERE!

THANKS FOR COMING.

- NICE MEETING YOU.

- HAVE A SEAT.HOO-HOO!

YOU BORN AND RAISED IN 'BAMA?- YES.

- TELL ME WHAT HAPPENEDIN THAT VIDEO.

- I FORGOT ONE WORD:SLAMMER.

- WELL, WAS IT A RAP?- FREESTYLE RAP.

- IT WAS A FREESTYLE RAP.

- I HAD IT IN MY MINDRIGHT BEFORE I WENT ON,

AND AS SOON AS I WENT ON,

THAT ONE WORDSLIPPED OUT MY MIND.

- BUT THAT'S NOT A FREESTYLE,THEN, RIGHT,

IF YOU'VE ALREADYTHOUGHT OF IT?

- JUST FIVE SECONDSI THOUGHT OF IT.

- SO THE RULE IN FREESTYLE IS,

WITHIN A MINUTE,IT'S CONSIDERED A FREESTYLE.

- RIGHT.- OKAY.

HOW'D YOU GET INTO RAP?

- I USED TO RAPA LONG TIME AGO.

- DID YOU EVER HAVE A HIT?

- THREE.

- WHAT WAS YOUR NUMBER ONE HIT?

- ONLY GOD KNOWS.

- SO EVEN WHEN YOU WERE INTHE RAP GAME,

YOU STILL HADA RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE.

- YES.

- WHEN DID YOU FIND THE LORD?

- FIVE YEARS AGO.

- JESUS:BLACK OR WHITE?

- I THINKA LITTLE BIT OF BOTH.

- MEXICAN?

[laughter]

WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER?- 2PAC.

- THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SAYMACKLEMORE.

- [laughs]

NO, I NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

- YOU NEVER HEARD OF HIM?

HE'S, LIKE, A GOOFY WHITE GUYTHAT TELLS EVERYBODY

IT'S OKAY TO BE GAY.

IS TALK OF ALABAMA A POPULAR SHOW?

- YEAH, IT IS, LOCALLY.

- YOU EVER SEE OUR MORNING SHOWSHERE IN L.A.?

JUST A BUNCH OF BIG...

- I NOTICED.

- PERSONALITIES.- YEAH.

- HAVE THERE BEEN OTHER MOMENTSIN YOUR LIFE

WHERE YOU JUST FROZE?

- NO, THAT'S THE FIRST TIMETHAT EVER HAPPENED.

- WHAT ABOUT WHEN POLICESAY "FREEZE"?

- [laughs]

ANOTHER STORY.

- THAT'S A DIFFERENT STORY?- YEAH.

- DID YOU THINK SHE DIDA GOOD JOB OF HOSTING THE SHOW?

- I THINK SHE DIDA WONDERFUL JOB.

AT LEAST SHE SAVED ME.

- SHE SAVED YOU,

BUT SHE DID SAY,"WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY

TO READ SOMETHINGFROM ONE OF YOUR BOOKS?"

- DO YOU WANT TO TRY TO READSOMETHING FROM YOUR BOOK?

- YEAH.

- ALMOST IMPLYING, LIKE,

THAT YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLETO READ A BOOK YOU WROTE.

DID YOU NOTICE THAT?

- YEAH, I DID.

- HOW MANY BOOKSHAVE YOU WRITTEN?

- THREE.

- YOU'RE WRITING A SCREENPLAY?

- ALREADY WRITTEN.

A MOVIE SCRIPT TO THE LIFE STORY WHO AM I.

- WHO SHOULD PLAY YOUIN A MOVIE?

- I THINK DENZEL WASHINGTON.

- KEVIN HART.

- [laughs]

- ALL RIGHT, MARSHALL,WE BOTH KNOW

THAT ANYTHINGTHAT HAPPENS IN ALABAMA

DOESN'T REALLY MATTER,

SO I THINK IT'S TIMEWE SHOW THE REST OF AMERICA

THAT YOU'VE GOT TALENT.

- LET'S DO IT.

- WELCOME TO

AMERICAN CHRISTIANS GOT HELLA TALENT.

NOW BOW YOUR HEADS IN WORSHIP

FOR OUR HOLY TRINITYOF JUDGES.

YOU KNOW OUR FIRST JUDGEFROM CREATING THE UNIVERSE.

HE'S A BEST-SELLING AUTHOR.

IT'S GOD.

- [echoing]NICE TO BE HERE.

- NEXT UP,HE'S FOND OF WOODWORKING

AND FISHING FOR MEN.

SAY HELLO TO JESUS.

- LET'S PRAY FOR A GOOD SHOW.

- AND FINALLY,IT'S OUR SPOOKIEST JUDGE:

THE HOLY GHOST.

- OOOH...

- OOOH!

ALL RIGHT,LET'S GET THINGS STARTED

WITH FATHER FLANAGANAND THE HAIRLESS ANGELS.

[sultry percussive music]

[crowd booing]

- YOU SUCK!

- THAT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE,FATHER FLANAGAN.

GOD, IT'S HARD TO LOOKRIGHT AT YOU,

BUT TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT.

- I ALREADY KNEW THATPERFORMANCE WAS GONNA HAPPEN

AND HAD BEEN DREADING ITFOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

- JESUS,YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO HAVE THE WHOLE CROWDAGAINST YOU.

WHAT'D YOU THINK?

- WELL, JUDGE NOTLEST YE BE JUDGED.

- WE'RE HERE TO JUDGE.

DON'T BE SUCH A PUSSY.

- THAT'S A NO FOR ME.

- BOO...

- LET'S SAY SHALOMTO RABBI LIPSCHITZ.

[buzzers buzz]

YOU STILL UPSET ABOUTTHAT WHOLE CRUCIFIXION THING?

[buzzers buzz]

WHAT WOULD JESUS DOWITH THIS ONE?

[buzzers buzz]

YOU CAN CUT THE TENSIONIN THIS ROOM

WITH A NAIL THROUGH THE PALM.

- NO.

- OOOH.

- NOW FOR EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE:

FREESTYLING CHRISTIANSPOKEN WORD POETRY

BY MARSHALL.

- HEADLINES, INTERVIEWS.

I STAY IN THE NEWS.

AUTHOR, POET,

WHICHEVER ONE YOU CHOOSE.

[lively hip-hop music]

COME ON!COME ON!

COME ON! COME ON!

HOLY GHOST, COME ON.

- OOOH.

- ♪ EXPOSING MY LIFE

♪ FROM RAPPER TO RIGHT

♪ ALL MY CAREER

♪ FOR GOD, I'M A FIGHTER

♪ MAKE A BEAT TEN YEARS

♪ IN PRISON TO BE BROKE

[rapping indistinctly]

♪ TELL THE DEVILHE BE BROKE ♪

♪ I'M A MAN ON A MISSION

♪ TAKING GOD'S PERMISSION

♪ I'M THE PRODIGAL SON

♪ THAT MEANS NO COMPETITION

♪ GOING TO WAR WITH ME

♪ YOU'RE GOING TO WAR WITH GOD

♪ AMEN, LORD, HAVE MERCY

♪ AND PRAISE THE LORD

♪ I'VE BEEN REDEEMED

all: ♪ HE'S BEEN REDEEMED

♪ HE'S BEEN REDEEMED

♪ HE'S BEENREDEEMED ♪

♪ HE'S BEEN REDEEMED

[cheers and applause]

- WHOO!

CONGRATULATIONS, MARSHALL!

LOOKS LIKEYOU'RE THIS SEASON'S BIG WINNER.

YOU GET A FREE PASS TO HEAVEN!

HA-HA!

ARE YOU READY FOR A MIRACLE?

[together]♪ READY AS I CAN BE

- WHOO!

- LORD, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW

IT'S NOT HIS TIME YET.

- STAY OUT OF THIS,CHARLES XAVIER.

IT DOESN'T CONCERN YOU.

- MAYBE YOU SHOULD BEMORE CONCERNED

WITH THAT MONSTERBRYAN SINGER.

POOLS FILLED WITHUNDERAGED BOYS AND SANGRIA?

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEATHE KIND OF DAMAGE

THAT MUCH FRUIT CAN DOTO A POOL'S DRAINAGE SYSTEM?

- [sighs]ALLEGEDLY.

- WHEN WILL MUTANTSAND CHRISTIANS

LEARN TO LOVE EACH OTHER?

[cheers and applause]

TO MANY, COMIC BOOKSARE JUST AS REAL AS THE BIBLE,

AND THEY DO BETTERAT THE BOX OFFICE.

- SO WHAT ARE GUYSACTUALLY THINKING DURING SEX?

- I THINKEVERY GUY'S MIND WANDERS.

- FOR THE MOST PART,

THEY'RE JUST IN THE MOMENT

ENJOYING THE SENSATION.

- OKAY, SO WHAT MAKES A GIRLGOOD IN BED?

- YEAH, JUST GOODNESS.

- REACTING AND NOT BEING LIKE,

"HERE ARE MY THINGS.

"HERE WE GO.

THIS IS WHAT I DO."

- WHAT DOES THE INSIDE

OF THE VAGINAFEEL LIKE?

- PERFECTION.- THERE'S RIDGES IN THERE.

- IT'S SOFTAND, LIKE, VELVETY.

- OKAY, I'M PRETTY SURETHAT GUY

DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE INSIDEOF A VAGINA FEELS LIKE.

"IT FEELS LIKE YOUR HANDBUT SLIMIER."

AND HOW DO GIRLS NOT KNOWWHAT THEIR VAGINA FEELS LIKE?

THOSE ARE THE QUESTIONS

BUZZFEED THINKSWOMEN WANT ANSWERS TO.

JUST STICK TO MAKING QUIZZES

THAT HELP PEOPLE FIND OUTWHAT TYPE OF DELI MEAT THEY ARE.

I'M SUCH A SALAMI.

WHAT MAKES A GIRL GOOD IN BED?

BEING REALLY, REALLY HOT.

DO ANY GIRLS IN THIS AUDIENCEHAVE ANY REAL QUESTIONS FOR MEN?

- WHY ARE GUYSSO AGAINST GETTING MARRIED?

- I'M NOT AGAINST IT,

BUT MARRIAGEIS FOR GAY PEOPLE.

LIKE, I--HONESTLY.

IT'S FOR GAY PEOPLE AND WOMEN.THAT'S IT.

NO STRAIGHT MANWANTS TO PLAY DRESS UP

AND STAND IN FRONT OFALL OF HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY

AND MAKE PROMISESTO NEVER LOVE ANYBODY ELSE.

IT'S JUST STUPID.

- HOW MANY GIRLSHAVE YOU SLEPT WITH?

- I'M AT A NUMBER NOW

WHERE WHEN A GIRLCOMES UP TO ME,

I HAVE TO ASK MYSELF,

"DID I SLEEP WITH THIS GIRL,

OR IS THISA COMPLETE STRANGER?"

I'D SAY IT'S SOMEWHEREIN THE 290s.

WHO'S NEXT?

- HAVE YOU EVER CHEATEDON SOMEONE?

- ONLY WITH MY HEART.

WHO'S NEXT?

- DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELFGOOD IN BED?

- NO.

[stammers]

I FINISH.

- WHY ARE GUYS OBSESSEDWITH ANAL?

- WHY DOES THE WIND BLOW?

WHY DID LEWIS AND CLARKPUSH PAST ST. LOUIS?

EXPLORATION!

THE QUESTION SHOULD BE,

WHY ARE LADIES SO SCARED OF IT?

- DO YOU THINK I'M PRETTY?

- PHYSICALLY NO.

BUT YOUR CONFIDENCE,

SOME WOULD FINDVERY ATTRACTIVE,

IF YOU WERE MUCH PRETTIER.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS WHYMEN AND WOMEN SHOULDN'T TALK.

YOU BORN AND RAISED IN 'BAMA?

YES

ROLL TIDE OR WAR EAGLE?

ROLL TIDE

(EXHALE) THAT'S HARD FOR

ME TO HEAR

(LAUGHS)

TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

IN THAT VIDEO?

I FORGOT ONE WORD

SLAMMER

WAS IT A RAP?

FREE STYLE RAP

IT WAS A FREE STYLE RAP

I HAD IT IN MY MIND

RIGHT BEFORE I WENT ON

AND AS SOON AS I WENT ON

THAT ONE WORD SLIPPED

OUT OF MY MIND

BUT THAT'S NOT A FREE STYLE

THEN RIGHT?

IF YOU HAVE ALREADY THOUGHT OFIT

JUST FIVE SECONDS

I THOUGHT OF IT

SO THE RULE IN FREE STYLE IS

WITHIN A MINUTE IT'S

CONSIDERED A FREE STYLE

RIGHT

OK

HOW DID YOU GET INTO RAP?

I USED TO RAP A LONG TIME AGO

DID YOU EVER HAVE A HIT?

THREE

WHAT WAS YOUR NUMBER ONE HIT?

ONLY GOD KNOWS

SO EVEN WHEN YOU WERE

IN THE RAP GAME YOU STILL

HAD A RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE?

YES

WHEN DID YOU FIND THE LORD?

FIVE YEARS AGO

JESUS BLACK OR WHITE?

I THINK A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH

YEAH

MEXICAN?

(LAUGHS)

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER?

TUPAC

THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING

TO SAY MACKLEMORE

(LAUGHS) NEVER HEARD OF HIM

YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF HIM

HE IS LIKE A GOOFY WHITE GUY

THAT TELLS EVERYONE IT IS

OK TO BE GAY

HE HAS HIS HAIRCUT LIKE MILEYCYRUS

EXCUSE ME I GOT TO

WET MY WHISTLE

(LAUGHS)

IS TALK OF ALABAMA A POPULARSHOW?

YEAH IT IS LOCALLY

YOU EVER SEE OUR MORNING

SHOWS HERE IN LA?

JUST A BUNCH OF BIG

I NOTICED (LAUGHS)

PERSONALITIES

YEAH (LAUGHS)

HAVE THERE BEEN OTHER

MOMENTS IN YOUR LIFE

WHERE YOU JUST FROZE?

NAH THAT THE FIRST TIME

THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED

WHAT ABOUT WHEN POLICE

SAY FREEZE?

(LAUGHS) ANOTHER STORY

THAT'S A DIFFERENT STORY

YEAH

(LAUGHS) ALRIGHT

WHAT WAS YOUR ROCK BOTTOM?

I THINK WHEN I WAS

FACING TEN YEARS IN PRISON

YOU WERE FACING TEN YEARS?

I BEAT IT

YOU BEAT IT

RIGHT

WERE YOU BEING CHARGED

WITH SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T DO?

RIGHT

THAT SEEMS TO HAPPEN A LOT

TO PEOPLE IN PRISON

DID YOU THINK SHE DID

A GOOD JOB OF HOSTING THE SHOW?

I THINK SHE DID

A WONDERFUL JOB

AT LEAST SHE SAVED ME

SHE SAVED YOU BUT

SHE DID SAY WOULD YOU LIKE

TO TRY TO READ SOMETHING

FROM ONE OF YOUR BOOKS

DID YOU WANT TO

TRY TO READ SOMETHING

FROM YOUR BOOK?

YEAH

ALMOST IMPLYING LIKE THAT

YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO READ

A BOOK YOU WROTE

(LAUGHS)

DID YOU NOTICE THAT?

YEAH I DID

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A POETRYSLAM?

NO I HAVEN'T

I DON'T LIKE POETRY SLAMS

NORMALLY ITS ALWAYS SOME

GIRL SCREAMING ABOUT HER PERIOD

(LAUGHS)

BLOOD

ALRIGHT HERE WE GO I'M OUT

HOW MANY BOOKS HAVE YOU WRITTEN?

THREE

YOU ARE WRITING A SCREENPLAY?

ALREADY WRITTEN

A MOVIE SCRIPT TO THE

LIFE STORY OF WHO AM I

WHO SHOULD PLAY YOU IN A MOVIE?

I THINK DENZEL WASHINGTON

KEVIN HART

(LAUGHS)

IS ALABAMA A GOOD PLACE

TO BE AN AUTHOR?

NO

BECAUSE THE PEOPLE THERE CAN'TREAD

(LAUGHS) THAT'S TRUE

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