June 28, 2011 - The Kid Who Farted on the Bus

  • 06/28/2011

Daniel opens a manscaping salon and tweets his phone number; Farting Bus Kid gets a Web Redemption.

>> CHRISTIAN SUMMERS THINKS

PLAYING VIDEO GAMES IS FUN

ACCORDING TO HIS SCHOOL BUS

DRIVERS HE ALSO THINKS PASSING

GAS IS FUN.

>> IT'S AN ACCIDENT.

>> WE LAUGH WHEN IT HAPPENS.

>> CHRISTIAN FEARS IF HE GETS

CAUGHT PASSING GAS ON THE BUS

AGAIN HE WOULD GET DETENTION.

>> THAT'S CHRISTIAN.

HE WAS CONCEIVED IN A DUTCH

OVEN.

HIS GAS IS SO BAD WHEN HE LET'S

ONE RIP IT MAKES THE LOCAL NEWS.

IT'S DANGEROUS IN SCIENCE CLASS

WITH THE BUNSEN BURNERS.

IT'S NOT FAIR THE HUSKY KEDZ GET

BLAMED FOR THE THUNDER DUMP

WILLINGS.

BLOWING THE MUD TRUMPET IS A

GAMBLE EACH TIME.

IS IT HILARIOUS OR A PUDDING.

IN CASE YOU FORGOT THERE IS A

HUGE LOG OF [BEEP] INSIDE ME.

APPRECIATE IT LIKE A FULL GLASS

OF WINE.

TAKE IN THAT FLAGLANT --

I WOULD WANT TO HANG OUT WITH

YOU MORE THAN SIX MINUTES A DAY.

INSTEAD WOMEN QUEEF.

THAT'S UTTERLY DISGUSTING.

KNOCK IT OFF WITH YOUR POON

POOF.

IT DOESN'T SEEM FAIR THAT

CHRISTIAN IN TROUBLE FOR

SOMETHING THAT GAVE MARK MEYERS

A CAREER.

WE BROUGHT HIM OUT TO L.A. TO

CLEAR THE AIR IN THIS WEEK'S WEB

REDEMPTION.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> THAT IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKED

LIKE.

I ENJOY SPANKING KIDS WITH A PAT

PADDLE.

GET IN HERE, CHRISTIAN.

(FART NOISE).

>> THAT'S RICH.

GIVE ME THAT.

(FART ).

>> WHY ARE YOU SO GASSY?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> CAN YOU SPEAK UP I CAN'T HEAR

YOU OVER --

>> I DON'T KNOW.

(FART NOISES )

>> REALLY IT MAKES ME LAUGH I

DON'T CARE HOW OLD YOU GET.

IT'S GOOD FUN.

TELL ME, CHRISTIAN, WHAT

HAPPENED THAT DAY?

>> I FARTED ON THE BUS.

>> HOW DID PEOPLE REACT WHEN YOU

FARTED ON THE BUS?

>> THEY WERE LAUGHING.

>> DID THEY POINT AT YOU AND SAY

HE DID IT.

>> HUH-UH.

>> HOW OLD WAS THE BUS DRIVER?

>> 43.

>> A WOMAN OR PLAN.

>> WOMAN.

>> WOMEN DON'T APPRECIATE FARTS.

THEY NEVER WILL.

DO THE KIDS CALL YOU NAMES?

>> FART BOY.

>> THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

DO YOU LIKE IT?

>> I THINK IT'S FUNNY.

>> FART BOY MAYBE YOU WILL GROW

INTO FART MAN.

DID YOU JUST FART?

>> NO.

>> POSSIBLY?

>> I MOVED MY LEG.

>> IT'S WEIRD HOW IT DOESN'T

WORK NOW.

>> TELL ME WHAT YOUR FARTS SMELT

LIKE THAT DAY?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> YOU HAVE EVER CRAPPED YOUR

PANTS?

>> NO.

>> THREE TIMES AS AN ADULT I

HAVE SCRAPPED MY PANTS.

SMELL YOUR FARTS.

DO YOU LIGHT YOUR FARTS?

DO YOU FART ON PUBLIC

TRANSPORTATION?

ARE YOU A WET OR DRY DEALER?

WOULD YOU CREDIT CHILI A CEREAL.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE

"3:00 O'CLOCK HIGH."

>> NO.

>> I CALLED YOUR FATHER DOWN.

ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT THAT?

>> NO.

>> MR. SUMMER, NOW!

>> HELLO.

(FART NOISES).

>> DO YOU MIND IF I ASS YOU A

FEW QUESTIONS.

>> GO AHEAD.

>> WHAT'S YOUR FART POLICY IN

THE HOUSEHOLD?

>> WE'RE GUYS, WE DO IT.

>> WOULD YOU SAY YOUR SON IS A

CHIP OFF THE OLD BUTT?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> WERE YOU SURPRISED HIGHWAY

POPULAR THE VIDEO BECAME?

>> YES.

>> WHAT IS EMILY VALDEZ UP TO.

>> A NUMBER.

>> SHE IS PRETTY HOT.

>> IS SHE PRETTY IN PERSON?

>> SHE HAS A CROOKED EYE.

>> I WILL BE HONEST THAT'S ALL I

NEEDED TO HEAR.

>> THAT'S THE FIRST THING HE

NOTICED.

>> THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED IN A

WINGMAN.

>> EXACTLY.

ALL OF THIS FART TALK HAS L. GOT

ME HUNGRY.

LET'S MAKE A RUN FOR THE BORDER.

>> DO I HAVE TO?

>> YES!

>> GET IN THERE ON THE BEANS.

THIS IS OUTSIDE OF THE BUN.

ARE YOU SLOWING DOWN?

>> NO.

>> I EAT HEAVY AND THEN I'M GOOD

TO GO.

WE DON'T WANT TO MISS THE BUS.

YOU WANT A BURRITO TO GO?

MAKE IT TWO.

SHORT BUS.

I DON'T WANT TO BE BEHIND YOU.

>> ALRIGHT THE WORLD WANTS TO

KNOW.

YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER

SHOT.

(FART NOISE).

>> TO THE BACK OF THE BUS, YOU

KNOW THE RULES.

>> A FARTER.

>> OH ...

SMELL LIKE DEATH BACK HERE.

>> WE'LL MAKE ROOM FOR YOU.

>> HOW COME EVERY TIME ON THE

BUS YOU'RE ON THE BUS WITH THAT

LITTLE RAT.

LOOK AT THIS FILTHY ASS DOG.

YOU SMELL LIKE A BUFFALO, YOU

ARE IS POSE TO POOP NOT FART.

DON'T COME IN 35-45 MINUTES.

>> GET TO THE BACK OF THE BUS.

>> NO, I WILL NOT.

>> I HAVE A DREAM THAT SOME DAY

PEOPLE WILL NOT BE JUDGED BY THE

SMELL OF THEIR FARTS BUT BY THE

CONTENT OF THEIR COLON.

>> PREACH.

>> I HAVE A DREAM THAT ONE DAY

HE WHO SMELT IT WON'T BE AFRAID

THAT HE ALSO DEALT IT.

I HAVE A DREAM WHEN WE LESS

FARTERRING WE WILL BE ABLE TO

JOIN HANDS AND SING IN THE WORDS

OF THE OLD FARTING SPIRITUAL.

>> THANK GOD ALL NIGHTY WE SHALL

FART AT LAST.

[ APPLAUSE ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

(FARTING NOISE )

>> OH, MAN.

THAT WAS

EDDIE MURPHY.

ANYONE WITH THE LAST NAME WAYNE.

WHAT IS NEXT?

>> DO YOU STILL HAVE TO TIP YOUR

WAITRESS IF SHE BYRNES ALIVE?

LET'S TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THIS

WEEK RAES HOT ASS LATINA IN THE

BREAKDOWN.

>> THIS IS A QUINCERO.

THE TRADITIONAL DRINK THE IRISH

CAR BOMB.

I HOPE HER KIDS ARE HERE TO SEE

THIS MAGICAL MOMENT.

SHE HAS BEEN A MOTHER FOR YEARS.

TODAY SHE BECOMES A WOMAN.

OH FIESTA FOUL.

THE SIZZLING SOUND IS HER OR THE

FAJITAS.

HERE ARE THE FIRST RESPONDERS.

NOW IT'S A PARTY DID.

HE JUST SCORE A GOAL?

THAT GUY HAS BEEN WAITING TO

TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF ALL NIGHT.

FIRE BEATS FABRIC, MUCHACHO.

WHO EVER BLOWS HER OUT MAKES A

WISH.

I KNOW IT'S FUNNER THAN A PINATA

BUT GET HER AGUA BEFORE HER SKIN

MELTS.

KEEP IT GOING AFTER THE PARTY

IT'S THE BURN WARD LOBBY.

I'M GLAD THERE ARE A

HOW A GOOD FRIEND KEEPSTHE CAMERA ROLLING

AND DOESN'T HELP AT ALL.

[audience ohs]

IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S OKAY.

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHTA $20 TOY

COULDN'T HANDLEA TWO-STORY FALL?

[audience ohs]

WHAT ABOUT HIS PARENTS?

THEY HAVE TO TELL PEOPLE THEIRSON DIED ON A RAZOR SCOOTER.

HE'S NOT DEAD.

BUT HE'LL DRIVE HIS NEXT SCOOTERWITH A STRAW.

I COULD MAKE THATON A SEGWAY.

[wheels screech]

WAS THAT THE FIRST 900ON A SEGWAY?

SUCK IT, TONY HAWK.

THAT, THAT YOU, THAT YOU HAD --

YOU WENT, YOU DO, YOU WENT, YOU

WANT, YOU COULD DO SO, YOU DO --

YOU WANT, YOU WANT HIM TO DO YOU

SO MUCH YOU COULD DO ANYTHING.

>> I COULDN'T OF PUT IT ANY

BETTER MYSELF.

THERE IS SO MUCH NEGATIVITY ON

THE INTERNET.

IT'S REFRESHING TO SEE SOMEONE

WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE.

BEFORE EACH SHOW I WATCH THIS

NEXT VIDEO TO MOTIVATE ME TO

BRING HUMOR TO YOU MISERABLE

BASTARDS.

MAYBE IT WILL HELP YOU.

>> IN 1962 A LITTLE BOY WAS

BORN.

HIS DREAM AND HIS GOAL.

THIS IS MY DREAM.

LIKE THESE PRAYERS ON THE FIELD.

A DREAM TO PLAY BASEBALL.

AND IT'S THE LOVE, YOU KNOW FOR

ME TO DO WHAT I DO GOING DOWN

THE ROAD WITH THESE ANIMALS THEY

TRUST ME, I TRUST THEM.

THIS IS HOW I GOT TO WHERE I AM

AT TODAY.

>> IF THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU WANT

TO GO OUT AND GLUE A MONKEY TO A

DOG I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL.

IT SHOWS YOU, YOU CAN ACHIEVE

ANYTHING IN LIFE.

LOOK WHAT EMILY ACCOMPLISHED.

SHE PLAYED A VIDEO GAME ONCE AND

NOW HAS CONVINCED THE WORLD SHE

DESERVES A TOP SPOT IN A PG PORN

MAGAZINE.

YOU KEEP OLIVIA.

I'M ROLLING WITH A NEW HIP-HOP

ARTIST WHO PUTS IT IN

PERSPECTIVE.

WELCOME MC CRIPPLE WITH SWAG

[LAUGHING]

>> MY VAGINA AIN'T HANDICAPPED.

SO WHAT I CAN'T WALK, MY VAGINA

AIN'T HANDICAPPED.

SEGWAY?

SUCK IT, TONY HAWK.

HERE IS PROOF MOST CAR ACCIDENTS

HAPPEN WITHIN TEN FEET OF YOUR

HOME.

>> ACCORDING TO J.D. POWER AND

ASSOCIATES THAT TRUCK HAS THE

BEST KILLING CAPACITY IN IT'S

CLASS.

[LAUGHING]

>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY INTERNAL

BLEEDING JUST MAKE SURE THE

TRUCK IS OKAY.

ALRIGHT NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY,

GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

THAT'S WHERE YOU AT HOME GUESS

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

(OH! )

>> DID YOU GUESS HE WAS GOING TO

GET RUN OVER BY ANOTHER TRUCK?

DEJA VU REALLY HURTS.

RUN ME OVER ONCE SHAME ON YOU.

RUN ME OVER TWICE, COME ON GUYS,

STOP RUNNING ME OVER.

RELAX THAT OLD MAN IS BUILT FORD

TOUGH.

NOW GET OFF THE

I TWEETED OUT MY PHONE

NUMBER AND LET YOU CALL ME AT

WORK TO ASK ME ANYTHING.

>> HEY, WHAT'S UP.

>> YOU HAVE A NEW SHOW ON

TONIGHT AT 10:00.

>> YA.

>> --

>> I HAVE NEVER DONE GAY PORN.

HAVE I FILMED MYSELF MAKING LOVE

TO ANOTHER MAN.

THAT'S A DIFFERENT QUESTION.

YOU DIDN'T ASK THAT.

>> WHO IS THIS?

>> DANIEL.

WHO IS THIS.

>> I WANT TO KNOW HOW BIG YOUR

[BEEP] IS.

>> I CAN'T HAVE THIS

CONVERSATION I DON'T KNOW IF

YOU'RE 12 OR NOT.

>> I'M 16.

>> IT'S 7 INCHES.

>> YOU ARE FUNNY AS HELL MAN.

[BEEP] THE BLACK FOLKS LIKE IT.

>> I'M APPRECIATIVE I HAVE

SUPPORT OF YOU AND ALL OF THE

BLACK FOLKS.

>> WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE

FLAVOR --

>> I THINK I WOULD GO

STRAWBERRY.

YOU KNOW THERE ARE LESS CALORIES

IN STRAWBERRY LEMONADE.

>> HEY, CAN YOU [BEEP]

[BEEP]

>> A LITTLE.

>> HELLO.

>> IS THIS REALLY TOSH?

>> WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION BEFORE I

PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.

>> WHERE ARE YOU BASED OUT OF?

>> WHERE AM I BASED OUT OF?

ARE YOU A MANIAC.

MY BASE CAMP IS IN CALIFORNIA.

>> THAT'S SO TOIT.

>> THAT IS SO TIGHT.

>> HELLO.

>> IT'S DANIEL, WHAT'S UP?

>> MY MOM IS IN THE KITCHEN,

DRINKING A BEER, SHE'S BAKING

COOKIES.

>> FIVE MINUTES UNDER THE BAKING

TIME AND LET THEM SIT ON THE PAN

FOR 3-4 MINUTES.

>> YOU LOVE A UNDER BAKED

COOKIE.

>> I DO.

I WENT CRAZY UNDER DONE LAST

NIGHT AND ROLLED THEM IN

FRESH -- THEN PUT CHOCOLATE

SYRUP AND MORE.

THEN I PWHROU MY MIND AND

SHORTLY AFTER BLEW MY B HOLE.

>> ARE YOU DATING ANYBODY NOT

CAN I DATE YOU?

>> I AM NOT DATING ANYONE.

THERE IS A CHANCE YOU COULD DATE

ME.

>> ARE

CHECK OUT THIS NEXT ASSHOLE.

(OH! )

>> HIS BOYFRIEND IS GOING TO

LOVE THIS.

HE JUST CUT HIS TIME IN HALF.

TO MAKE THAT BEAUTIFUL HE NEEDS

TO PWHRAOEFP IT.

MANSCAPE SEEMS TO BE THE NORM

AND IT ISN'T FARE WOMEN GO TO A

RELAXING SPA AND MEN HUNCH OVER

AND GET PUBES ALL OVER THE SINK.

I SAY NO MORE.

THAT'S WHY I OPENED UP THE FIRST

BOBBER SHOP.

>> HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT DONE?

>> A LOT OFF THE BOTTOM.

>> GENTLEMEN'S CUT.

>> THIS IS A SHAVING SHOP.

>> I SHAVED MARTIN LUTHER KING

JR. BALLS.

>> YOU LYING.

>> NO, I DID.

HE HAS BEAUTIFUL BALLS.

>> GRACEY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

SPIDER THAT EVER LIVED.

>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING

ROCKY WAS GOOD COMPARED TO JOE

LEWIS ROCKY ISN'T [BEEP].

HE BEAT JOE LUIS' ASS.

NOW GET BACK TO SWEEPING THE

TUBES.

>> HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU?

>> IN SHAMPOO.

$15.

DON'T FORGET THE TIP, BABY BALL

BASTARD.

>> PLAYING ONE CHARACTER IS NOT

HARD.

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