November 15, 2011 - Web Reflection

  • Season 3, Ep 30
  • 11/15/2011

As the third season of Tosh.0 wraps up, the block party of the century gets a Video Breakdown, and Daniel auditions to host the Oscars.

I PUT TOGETHER A SAMPLE REEL OF

WHAT TO EXPECT WITH SOMEONE

FUNNY HE HELM.

AT THE HELM.

>> GOOD EVENING.

WELCOME TO THE 84th ANNUAL

ACADEMY AWARDS.

I'M YOUR HOST DANIEL TOSH.

YOU MAY KNOW ME FROM "THE LOVE

GURU" AND THAT'S IT SORRY IF I

DON'T HIT ALL OF MY MARKS

TONIGHT.

RET RADNER TOLD ME -- FOR

HOMOSEXUALS.

EDDIE MURPHY COULDN'T BE HERE

HE'S BUSINESS OTHER GETTING

BLOWN BY A TRANSGENDER

PROSTITUTE.

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK GEORGE

CLOONEY FOR TAKING A BREAK FROM

SCREWING EVERY COCKTAIL

WAITRESS.

LET ME SMELL YOUR FINGER,

GEORGE.

NO WOMAN IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

APPARENTLY THE SCRIPT "MEN WHO

STARE AT GHOSTS" WAS.

MERYL STREEP.

IMAGINE WHAT SHE COULD OF

ACCOMPLISHED IF SHE WAS PLEASANT

TO LOOK AT.

I TEASE YOU'RE AS GORGEOUS AS

YOU CAN BE AT THIS TIME IN YOUR

LIFE.

JAY EDGAR, WHO WOULD OF GUEST

THIS WOULD OF BEEN BORROWING.

MY FAVORITE PART IS THE LADY IN

THE ROW BEHIND ME MADE A PHONE

CALL.

YOU'RE 81 CLINT EASTWOOD.

THE ONLY THING YOU SHOULD DIRECT

IS YOUR NURSE FOR ANOTHER SPOON

OF APPLE SAUCE.

[LAUGHING]

>> Daniel: CHILDREN REALLY DO

NEED TO GET OUTSIDE MORE.

>> Daniel: IF YOU DON'T LIKE

BEING HELD OUT THE WINDOW QUIT

POOPING IN YOUR PANTS.

YOU HAVE TO RECORD THRILLER

BEFORE YOU DANGLE YOUR BABY OUT

THE WINDOW.

IT'S THE UKRAINE.

THAT KID IS JUST HAPPY TO HAVE A

DAY OFF WORK.

THERE'S A SAFER WAY TO HAVE YOUR

KIDS PLAY OUTSIDE OF YOUR WORK.

>> MIA, ONLY 36 MORE HOURS TO

VEGAS, BABY.

WE'RE GOING TO CIRCUS, CIRCUS.

>> KEEP IT DOWN OR I WILL TURN

INTO A MAIL BOX.

>> ARE YOU INSANE?

>> WELL, THOSE ARE THE OPTIONS.

>> Daniel: I GOT INTO AN

ACCIDENT

>> Daniel: TYPICAL INNER-CITY

PROM.

[LAUGHING]

>> Daniel: NOW LET'S OCCUPY

HARLEM IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.

>> Daniel: WELCOME TO THE BLOCK

PARTY OF THE SENT ROW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T GET AN

E-VITE.

SEEING THIS WOULD DEFINITELY

MAKE ME CROSS TO THE OTHER SIDE

OF THE STREET.

I SAW FOOTLOOSE AND I'M STILL

NOT SOLD ON DANCING IN PUBLIC.

HOLY [BEEP] A BLACUZZI.

OKAY I THINK IT'S PERCOLATED.

EVERYTHING IS A DEEPENED WHEN

YOU'RE NOT A STRONG SWIMMER.

HER GRAND MOTHER WAS SPRAYED

WITH A HOSE TOO.

THAT WASN'T NEARLY AS MUCH FUN.

GUYS, YOU SPILLED YOUR LATIFA.

NOW THERE IS A BOX ON A BOX.

I KEEP SWEATERS IN MY

RUBBERMADE.

DON'T FORGET TO BURP IT.

MISS, YOUR PLEASURING YOURSELF

IN MY PARKING SPOT.

>> Daniel: THANKS GOD THAT FOOL

HAS A LIFEGUARD.

[LAUGHING]

>> Daniel: YOU BETTER HURRY

THAT'S ONLY A 15 MINUTE BONING

ZONE

I'M JUST BLESSED WE FINALLY

FOUND OUR BLACK SWAN. AND FOR

THAT WE THANK YOU.

[LAUGHING]

>> Daniel: YOU THINK MAKING

JOKES ABOUT A CLIP LIKE THAT IS

EASY?

WELL, IT'S NOT.

I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU.

I'M NOT GOING TO BE HERE

FOREVERMENT I WANT TO MAKE SURE

THE TOSH.O FRANCHISE LIVES ON.

I HELD A OPENING CASTING CALL

AND HELD AUDITIONS TO REPLACE ME

NEXT SEASON.

LITERALLY THOUSANDS SHOWED UP.

>> WHAT'S YOUR NAME.

>> MIKE TINGLY.

>> TINGLEY.O.

>> BEAUTIFUL.

>> WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

>> FIND JOKES ON TWITTER AND

HAVE WRITERS DO THEM FOR ME.

>> DO YOU SURF.

>> NO.

>> ARE YOU CONFUSED ABOUT YOUR

SEXUALITY?

>> NO.

>> TWO STRIKES.

WHAT ARE YOUR SALARY DEMANDS?

>> MY DAY JOB IS $9 AN HOUR.

>> ANYTHING ABOVE THAT IS --

>> OKAY.

>> WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE

COMEDIANS.

>> JOAN RIVERS.

SHE'S OLD SCHOOL AND TPUTS MY

PERSONALITY.

>> WHY DO YOU WANT TO HOST

TOSH.O.

>> TO BE HONEST I THINK I CAN DO

YOUR JOB BETTER FOR LESS THAN

MINIMUM WAGE.

>> LESS THAN MINIMUM WEIGHING.

>> I'M A MEXICAN.

>> MY FIRST AUDITION.

>> NO WAY.

>> I HOPE YOU NAIL IT.

>> WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE --

>> A LOT MORE GAY PEOPLE.

>> WHAT WOULD YOU BRING TO THE

SHOW I DON'T DO?

>> I HAVE A GREAT MUSTACHE.

>> DAMN IT YOU.

DO.

>> WHY DO YOU WANT TO HOST THE

SHOW.

>> I HAVE BEEN UNEMPLOYED FOR

FOUR YEARS.

>> FOUR YEARS.

>> YES.

>> YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING?

>> YES.

>> THIS IS MY INTERVIEW DRESS.

>> GAY PEOPLE LOVE THE BOOTS

THAT'S WHY I WORE IT.

>> I LOVE THE IDEA OF YOU

HOSTING THE SHOW.

>> I'M A STAY-AT-HOME DAD.

HERE I AM ON TOSH.O.

UFRPBLGS WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE

ABOUT THE SHOW IF YOU WERE THE

HOST OF IT?

>> NO MORE INTERNET VIDEOS.

IT WAS BE A POSITIVE MESSAGE

TOWARDS YOUTH AND DONE IN

SPANISH.

THERE ARE THINGS ABOUT THE SHOW

I WOULD CHANGED A LONG TIME AGO.

>> I HAVE NOOID YA WHY I'M DOWN

HERE.

I'M ON A FIVE DAY VOCODIN TRIP

AND I'M COMING DOWN.

>> YOUR BEST FEATURE.

>> I'M NOT [BEEP] LOOKING.

>> WHAT'S YOUR BEST FEATURE

PHYSICALLY?

>> MY BUSH.

>> A BUSH?

>> FULL BUSH.

>> REALLY.

>> YOU JUST NEVER MANSCAPED ?

>> ONCE.

>> ONE TIME AND WENT BACK TO

FULL BUSH.

>> FULL BUSH.

>> ARE YOU WILLING TO GO NAKED

ON CAMERA FOR BITS?

>> I'M WILLING TO SHOW BUSH.

>> THE KICK.

>> THAT'S A GOOD KICK.

>> JOKES FOR THE VIDEO.

>> THIS VIDEO REPHAOUPBDZ ME OF

MY DAD IN MY COMEDY CAREER.

HE POOPS ALL OVER.

SORRY, NERVOUS.

BAD JOKE TO START.

>> I LIKE IT.

>> POOR PANDA.

THE ONLY THING WORST IS

SUBJECTED YOURSELF TO THE NEW

ADAM SANDLER MOVIE.

LEAVE THE TITLE OUT YOU CAN USE

IT TWICE A YEAR.

>> LING-LING GOT BLING BLING

FROM A DING DING.

>> I DON'T SEE NOTHING WRONG

WITH A LITTLE PEEP AND POOH.

I DON'T IF ART KELLY THOUGHT

THESE PAINTERS HOW TO [BEEP]

DRINK PISS [BEEP] [BEEP].

>> AMERICA -- THE BEAR POOP IN

THE WOODS.

GUESS WHAT THEY SAY IN CHINA.

>> WHAT.

>> DOES -- I DON'T KNOW.

[LAUGHING]

>> A NEW GENERATION OF PISS.

>> YA, I GUESS.

>> LOOKS LIKE MARGARET CHO HAS

GONE PWHRUFPLT.

>> A LOT OF KAKA UP.

THERE.

>> DID THE BEAR DO THIS IN THE

FIRST PLACE HE'S HALF BLACK.

OBAMA COMES INTO PRESIDENCY AND

THEY THINK THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY

WANT.

WE NEED A WHOLE BLACK PRESIDENT.

YOU K-PBL ONLY PEON [BEEP] BUT

FONDLE THEIR TITTIES.

>> I HAVE NEVER SEEN A PANDA

TAKE A PISS BEFORE.

GLAD I HAVE NOW.

>> JOHN, YOU'RE CRAZY.

>> THANK YOU FOR COMING IN.

>> SEE YOU SOON.

>> BYE.

>> WE GOT OUR WINNER.

>> I GUESS ANYONE CAN DO THIS.

IF YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT TO THE

L.A. CASTING FEEL FREE TO SUBMIT

>> HOLLER.

A GREAT YEAR OF FASHION.

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