Just surrender your body to the spider overlords right now.
Very few people know that scorpion venom tastes like vanilla..
Do something you won’t regret. Go see Daniel live on tour.
Save some of that ferocity for your wedding night, little lady.
This election year feels like we're living in an episode of Drunk Future. Minus the robots.
Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:
After last night's indisputably genius Unclaimed Domain Names segment, some of you had the financial foresight to snatch these gems up before it was too late. You didn't exactly do what we would have, but still, we like your moxie…
"You can't tell, but right behind me are the bodies of 32 women I've met on this site. None have worked out yet, but I'm betting you could be the one." – Murderer Bob
He just added "total dickbag" to Judas' Wikipedia page.