Don't worry, that'll happen when you're 8.
[via Happy Place]
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I don't need anything with doll arms coming down my chimney. Nooo thank you.
Variety reported yesterday that teen Internet sensation Fred has found a home for his move, Fred: The Movie.
The home: Nickelodeon — the place where everyone wants their movies to premiere… far more prestigious than those pathetic movie theaters!
But in all seriousness, when a movie with theatrical aspirations lands on television, that's not a good sign no matter how much spin the producers put into the situation.
As a "Hollywood insider," let me breakdown what this Variety article is really saying. My additions in bold.
Internet sensation "Fred" is coming to Nickelodeon….
"Fred" centers on a socially awkward and emotionally immature kid with a wild imagination. Cruikshank's videos have been viewed over 500 million times which everyone knows has no proven crossover to traditional media success.
Robbins initially optioned "Fred" as a feature — but decided to bypass the studio system since no studio wanted to be associated with this terrible movie and fund much of the production (which clocked in at a little over $1 million) himself leading to Robbins third divorce.
"I knew if we went through the typical development scenario, it would have taken three years to figure out how to write a decent script featuring such a poorly developed character and provide Fred with enough formal acting training to make him watchable — and 'Fred' would have been too old for us to quickly cash in on," he said grappling for a reasonable excuse. "It would be over like my marriage."
Instead, Robbins and company quickly tapped Goodman, who's known to be willing to put in two weeks worth of work for $160,000, to write the movie, which was then shot in November. Robbins later screened a chunk of "Fred" to Nickelodeon topper Cyma Zarghami, who quickly made a play for it before they threatened to make her watch any more.
Hopefully they won't revoke my Hollywood card for giving you guys the inside scoop.