Wednesday night, 69-year-old wheelchair bound Milton Ellis was attacked by a 22-year-old vampire at an empty Hooters in St. Pete, Florida. According to Milton, who brought her back with him to the empty restaurant, Josephine Smith bit his face and neck and yelled about being a vampire.
Josephine recently studied “dental assisting” so it's possible she was just treating his neck for cavities and she's very bad at her trade. But maybe she really is a vampire. In which case, go for someone way younger and hotter than Milton Ellis!
That's rule number one of vampirehood, Josephine. You have to fall in love with a highschooler.
You can't trust that news report. They cited the website "Urban Dictionary."
Why's it gotta be an "urban" dictionary? Clearly that's racist.
But a message to the old people in this news report who think "You mad bro" is racist… You probably want to stay away from the Internet altogether. First place to stay away from: the comments section for the YouTube video "People Think "You Mad Bro?" Is racist."
Fairies and vampires and werepanthers, oh my! These aren't just mostly naked characters in "True Blood". They are REAL. And this video proves it.
José Maldonado (somehow not one of the six José Maldonados I went to middle school with) found a real, living fairy in Guadalajara: “I was picking guavas and I saw a twinkling. I thought it was a firefly. I picked it up and felt that it was moving; when I looked at it I knew that it was a fairy godmother.”
What did he do, you ask? Did he name it Sookie and give it a job at the only restaurant in town? NO. HE MURDERED IT.
"You killed my fairy godmother!"—Line from an HBO show delivered by an actress that has an Oscar
Sexy Tinkerbell didn't last long on Earth but that's because she went to Mexico. Hopefully other supernatural creatures will show themselves soon in the gardens of a less murder-friendly place.
"And by 'technical difficulties,' I mean Gordon Boyd hasn't been the same since his 15-year-old son posted those emasculating photos of him on Facebook. He was… He was a great reporter once… This fall from grace is sad really."