Very few people know that scorpion venom tastes like vanilla..
Do something you won’t regret. Go see Daniel live on tour.
Save some of that ferocity for your wedding night, little lady.
This election year feels like we're living in an episode of Drunk Future. Minus the robots.
OLD MAN: "I don't understand what's so funny. Back in my day it was extremely common for liquors to be shipped in wooden barrels with bungholes. In fact, I used to be a bunghole inspector. I personally inspected bunghole after bunghole to see which bungholes were tight! I'll tell you what– There's nothing more embarrassing than thinking your bunghole is tight enough to hold for a long distance and suddenly have it burst halfway to your destination!"
EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 35: <uncontrollable laughter>