Vulture cut together a clip of James Franco's return to General Hospital so we wouldn't have to actually watch the soap to see him in action.
Frankly, Im just left confused. Is this an SNL skit? Is it a deleted scene from Pineapple Express where Franco's character gets high and then pretends to be on a soap opera. Is Casey Affleck doing a documentary on James Franco that is either fake or real but no one really knows? What is happening here?!
Only James Franco knows what the fuck James Franco is doing. So I'm going to recap the scene using quotes from the fictional piece he wrote for Esquire.
Franco sits in the dark of an alley. "The building is beige, but the shadows make it shadow-color." He's wearing a hooded sweatshirt and the air plays on his forehead "like a cold whisper".
He pets a toy monkey and we imagine that beneath his bum outfit "he looks like a fat something-awful: hockey-player-pumpkin-cartoon-shithead".
But when he shows up outside an apartment building and finally pushes his hood back we see that it is not a "pumpkin-cartoon-shithead" but, in fact, James Franco with a look "like a blubbery peekaboo face".
Then he smiles that creepy-ass James Franco smile that hasn't left his face since the Spider-Man 2 and the scene fades out, "so much messier and more random" than anyone could ever expect.