This door only opens if you pull… over and over and over.
[via The Chive]
Telling a drunk guy where he can't pee is like feeding a gremlin after midnight.
[via LOL Snaps]
"I don't care how your mother carries you, I need to keep this arm free for a 30-rack."
Man, it's snowing so hard out, I completely forgot I was in the middle of getting gas.
[via Acid Cow]