Don't get anywhere near him with a push pin.
Thank god he didn't get any in that lush thicket of chest hair. There's just no getting that out.
[via College Humor]
He also prefers his whisky twice-strained through an old hat.
This is exactly what happens to me after I eat turkey.
Thanks to advances in modern technology you'll never have to drink alone again! (You're still totally alone, though)
[via Bro My God]