And no, your penis will not unlock the vagina lock.
[via Rad Ass]
We like to make our dinner feel very important before violently murdering it.
Do something you won’t regret. Go see Daniel live on tour.
At least she doesn't have to deal with dry elbows in the winter.
And with that, he packed up his dreams of being able to walk again.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you guys. I thought this was my Uber.”
[via The Chive]
Alligators should be able to Trick or Treat too! Now put your children and small dogs in his bag.
That explains the smell of every single flight I've ever been on.
If it's good enough to stop my desire for human companionship, it's good enough to stop the door.
[via Uber Humor]