I'm so hungry I could eat the head of a small child.
Very few people know that scorpion venom tastes like vanilla..
Do something you won’t regret. Go see Daniel live on tour.
Save some of that ferocity for your wedding night, little lady.
This election year feels like we're living in an episode of Drunk Future. Minus the robots.
Mascots can go pant-less in front of thousands of people every night, but I walk out to my mail box without pants ONE TIME, and get a citation.
[via The Chive]
Don't feel too bad; she was bound to lose her baby skin soon anyway.
It’s gonna make way more money than some dumb lemonade stand.
[via Acid Cow]
Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web: