Never get your friends drunk when they're teething.
“Keep pouring, bartender. We started multiplication tables today.”
[via The Chive]
"I knew from the first time I went down on her in a crowded bar that I had truly found my soulmate."
When your best friend has an ear gauge, you treat him like the tool that he is.
Only cheat with your friend's girl if she's more of a chapstick lover.
[via TC Mag]