I buy my raincoats by the roll, bitch.
It's always warm enough for a picnic in the underworld.
Do something you won’t regret. Go see Daniel live on tour.
Women can do anything, and that includes failing really hard.
I'd be worried about what his future kids will think, but there's no chance he's having sex again.
I heart vaginal, but you don't see me writing it on my car windows. That's just tacky.
"Hi, David. I'm calling to let you know you like awful music."
[via I Am Bored]
Why not embrace the fact that your meatball sandwich is terrible? It worked for Subway.
Are you serious, dude? Are you really going to say that around your kid?
You know they never call traveling in the NBA. Teach your daughter basketball properly.
Plus you probably shouldn't be cursing around a 2-year-old.