Tosh.0 Blog

The 10 Worst Cell Phones of All Time

Posted by: Chris Lesinski | June 8, 2009 at 3:11PM

The net is always gossiping about the latest in wireless gadgetry. But what about the phones that ushered in the web-enabled mobile devices of today? We decided to give them each their own, special review. This is: The 10 Worst Cell Phones of All Time.


Motorola StarTAC

Remember that Motorola StarTAC that everyone loved in the 90s until the antenna broke? The Pantech PN-218 reminds me of that, except it was made in 2007. It has the same crappy antenna also.



lg c1300LG C1300

This is a phone that you get for free by signing a contract and nobody would ever choose it for any other reason.

But here's what sets it apart — it features a "mirror" on the outside. Since when is a shiny piece of black plastic a mirror? I might as well look at my reflection in a puddle of motor oil in an alleyway.


HP iPaqHP IPAQ H6315

In 2004, the HP iPaq was just four consonants away from “iPhone." You won’t find a touch screen keyboard here. Instead, it’s a separate keyboard attachment that clicks on to the bottom. It’s perfect for the type of on-the-go person who carries a miniature keyboard with them. It still works without the detachable keyboard which isn't so bad if you’re game for writing emails and sending text messages without the alphabet.




In 2005, you bought this phone for your children if you wanted them to hate you. It’s like leaving a note in your child’s lunch box except that it’s a note that rings and lights up so that everyone notices it.

Finally, a cell phone design inspired by the lamest insect known to middle schoolers.




Sanyo SCP-200 Photo 2SANYO SCP-200

The SCP-200 also has no internet, no call timer, no external display and a really small screen. But with that huge fucking speaker on the outside, I don’t know why you even have to open the phone.

It features caller ID.



nokia 3650NOKIA 3650

blue ipod nanoWhen this phone came out in 2003, cell phones still had rotary dials. What were they thinking?

It looks like an iPod nano with gigantism.




If I were an urban, male-chauvinist cell phone, I would not call the Nokia 2115i Shorty a “shorty.”

But hey — if you ever drop something in a movie theater, the built-in flashlight will come in handy. Unfortunately, the thing you’ll drop will be this cell phone.


cdm-105UTSTARCOM CDM-105

If I knew anything about Star Trek, I’d make a reference here. This phone looks like a little kid's walkie-talkie.

(Also, I know UTStarcom is a big company, but what the hell is "UTStarcom"? That name is ridiculous. They aren't from the future.)



nokia 3390NOKIA 3390

This is another crappy Nokia phone but this one has interchangeable covers so it can look like many different crappy Nokia phones.

Pros: Cheap.

Cons: When the phone is on, it sucks.


lg lx5550LG LX5550

You cannot be a man and use this phone. When you open this phone it should have a little brush and a tray with concealer in it.

When closed, it looks like it's pregnant.


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